“I’m never going back there. Jack ruined it for me,” Hamilton whispered.
I debated on how to respond and decided to take a risk. “Maybe you and Jack should—”
“Don’t you dare tell me that I should kiss and make up with Jack,” Hamilton interrupted. “You don’t know anything about our relationship. He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness. He doesn’t deserve anything. You don’t know everything he’s done.”
“Because you won’t tell me!” My tone was exasperated. “I’m not pressuring you to, but maybe things would be easier if you just talked to him? Get some closure? It’s not healthy to live your life this way, Hamilton. I lo—care deeply for you. I hate that you go through this every year. I just think if you talked to him, it could help.” I couldn’t believe that I almost admitted that I loved him. Wasn’t it too soon for that? Didn’t we have too much to learn about one another still?
“Oh, like you talk with your mom?” Hamilton replied. “You’ve been ignoring her calls all week. You won’t tell her about us. You won’t call her on her shit for lying about the pregnancy and blackmailing you into cooperation. You’re too scared to piss her off. What are you so afraid of, Vera?”
My eyes watered. “Look, you’ve had a rough day. I get it—”
“Don’t patronize me.”
“My relationship with my mother is my business. Even if I haven’t talked about it with her yet, I’m still here. I’m still with you. I still chose you.”
“You chose a dirty, secret fling that you’ll drop the second your mother comes crying to you. I get it. I get it probably more than anyone else will. You feel like you have to be the best you can be. You shamelessly break your back for her because you feel obligated to make up for the fact that you exist. We’ve discussed it before. I know where I stand, and I can’t hold a candle to your own insecurities and guilt. I don’t even know why I try. This is such bullshit.”
My throat seized up with emotion. It felt like I couldn’t breathe. “That’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair is you telling me to fix my relationship with my father when you have your own issues. I mean, seriously. It’s fucked up, Vera. When are you going to realize how toxic it is? You can’t live in denial anymore. It’s pathetic. You’re being pathetic.”
“I’m ending this conversation before either of us say something we can’t take back.” I opened the door and got out of the car in a huff. Maybe I needed to go back to my apartment for the night and give him some space. Maybe dating Hamilton was a bad idea. This was a side of him that I knew had been lurking in the shadows of his soul, but now that I could see his demons in full bloom, it scared me.
“Vera?” A soft, whimpering voice called out. “Vera, is that you?”
I let out a shaky breath and looked toward Hamilton’s front door where a willowy woman stood hunched over and clutching her stomach. Mom. Under the porch light, I could tell that her makeup was running down her face from the tears, and her glossy hair was pulled up into a messy bun. She clutched an oversized designer handbag filled with clothes that were practically falling out of the open bag.
I walked closer to her, nerves making me wince. “Mom? What are you doing here?”
She straightened her spine and swiped at the tears streaming down her face. “Hey, baby,” she whimpered. The closer I got, the more her appearance shocked me. There was a blue-black bruise forming on her jaw. A cut on her lip that looked like a bite mark. There was a patch of hair ripped from her scalp, and she held her stomach tightly as if she were bruised there, too.
“What happened to you?” I rushed out before closing the rest of the distance between us. She needed a hospital.
“I had a little tumble, baby. Nothing to worry about.” Her voice was scratchy. She looked too thin. Too broken. I knew she was lying. I could hear it in her tone and see it in the way she avoided my gaze.
It suddenly became very clear. “Did Joseph do this?” I asked.
“He’s just a little mad at me… I was hoping I could stay with you for a couple of days while he calms down. I drove here.”
My eyes watered. “Mom,” I croaked. “He beat you.” I went in for a hug, and she winced. The sad little sound that escaped her lips shredded my heart into pieces. “Why did he do this? I don’t understand.”
“He’s been real mad lately, baby. My faked pregnancy is hitting him hard. He’s stressed with work, and it’s like he just woke up angry at the world. And also…” Her spine straightened with indignation. “He’s very upset with you and Hamilton. You never returned my calls. You’ve been staying here? What are you thinking? This was your fault, Vera.”
I pulled away from the hug and stared at her.
“What?”
She licked her lips, making the cut there bloom red and spill a few droplets of blood. “You know what. I told you that we have to stick together, Vera. We had to be careful. Your little rendezvous with Hamilton has been very stressful for Joseph. I just knew it would blow up in my face. Now look at me.” She lifted her arms up and dropped them helplessly with a groan. “You did this.”
“I didn’t do this,” I whispered. “Joseph did it.” Mom wasn’t thinking right. She was badly hurt and forcing blame on me. I may have had a small part in the destruction of her happily ever after, but she had the starring role. A man is entitled to his anger, but he’s not entitled to making others suffer as a result of it. It felt like somewhat of a breakthrough. For the first time in my life, I didn’t assume responsibility for my mother’s unhappiness and hurt.
“You did this. Hamilton did this,” she snapped, her tone weak. I didn’t know much about abuse victims, but I knew she wasn’t thinking clearly. I couldn’t hold her to a standard of sanity when she was this vulnerable.
I was about to demand that we call the cops when Hamilton started walking up the drive. “Oh look, a family reunion.” He was staring at me, ignoring my mother’s frail body beside me.
“Hamilton—” I began to explain, but he cut me off.
“Her or me, Vera?” he asked. The question caught me off guard. Seriously? He wanted me to choose? Now?
“I’m not choosing,” I snapped. “It’s incredibly selfish of you to ask.”
Hamilton scoffed and shook his head, angrily mumbling to himself as he did. “You’re just like the rest of them. Why bother prolonging the inevitable? You like going to an expensive school and staying in your expensive apartment. I thought you were different. I thought we could have had something, but the second she shows up, you forget about me. Just like Jack. Just like everyone else. Turning a blind eye—”
I’d had enough. From everyone.
“Joseph beat up my mother, Hamilton.” My stark statement made a fresh wave of sobs break through my mother’s lips. “I’m not choosing anyone or anything. I’m taking care of the only family I have right now. Stop projecting your issues with Jack on me. I’m not going to stand here and let you bully me. I’m going to take her to the hospital and back to my apartment because she needs me right now.” Mom let out a choked sob. Hamilton’s shoulders dipped.