“You think I could forget you? You were everything to me.”
“I honestly can’t believe I’m hearing this. I never in a million years could have imagined driving down a country road with you in Kansas, hearing you tell me the things I wanted to hear when I was seventeen.” She looked down at her hands. “I wish you’d told me back then. Everything would’ve been so different.”
“I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to you or your dad. But I wish like hell I’d handled it differently.” He cut her a look. “I need you to hear me, Gigi. More than any other regret in my life, I wish I’d handled that moment differently.”
I do, too. “I hear you.” She said it softly, her voice thin. Because she heard his words, but they weren’t sinking in. It was like a summer rain on hard-packed, dry earth.
That’s me. Hard. Unforgiving.
Up ahead, a billboard advertised the world’s biggest sunflower maze. Cassian flicked the turn signal and slowed, veering onto a smaller road.
“It’s just…this is hard for me. When we’re hurting each other, it fuels the anger, but when you’re nice and telling me you missed me? It’s really confusing.”
Another, smaller billboard at the side of the road read, World’s Second Largest Maze Up Ahead!
A mile later, Cassian turned into the empty parking lot of a farm stand. Tires crunched over gravel, until he came to a stop. He killed the engine but made no move to get out of the car. The engine ticked, and the air smelled both dusty and rich with earth.
“I’m sorry for the way I handled things. I hate myself for hurting you.” He said it with a painful sincerity. “I never wanted to kiss anyone but you. I was…messed up. I wanted to be with you more than I wanted to play ball, but I knew your dad was right. That whether you followed me, or I followed you, whichever way it went down, you might never have realized your potential. And…I loved you too much to do that to you.” He glanced across the street to a beautiful white farmhouse. “And I…went a little crazy.”
He loved me. Tears blurred her vision, and she clasped her hands together so tightly her rings pinched her skin. “I know it sounds stupid, but I’m actually pissed at you for telling me this. I mean, you loved me?” She shifted toward him. “Why didn’t you tell me back then? Do you know the hell I’ve been through? God.” She blinked back the tears. “I wish I could be happy that you’re finally telling me the things I’ve always wanted you to say. But I can’t. I just…Hearing the words doesn’t erase the experience, you know? And I just can’t understand the choice you made.”
“Which is exactly why I never tried to explain it to you. Because there’s no excuse for what I did. There are no magic words to erase the pain I caused.”
The door opened, and a woman stepped out onto her porch. She waved, coming down the stairs and hurrying toward them.
“We should go.” She got out first, frustrated with herself. How long had she waited to have this conversation with him? And, now, she’d finally had it, but it hadn’t cured her. It hadn’t set her free.
“I can’t believe this.” The woman dashed across the street. “Cassian Ellis and Gigi Cavanagh on my farm. Oh, my goodness!”
The screen door popped open, and a dog flew out of the house. Barking like mad, his nails scrabbling on asphalt, he raced to catch up with his owner. Cassian dropped to a crouch, and the dog slammed into him.
“Beckett,” a man hollered.
The dog pulled back as if someone had yanked his leash. He looked chastised and embarrassed.
“Ah, it’s okay, sweetie.” Gigi loved him up, while Cassian greeted the couple.
“We thought someone was pulling a prank,” the wife said. “Bob’s your biggest fan, so we thought one of his brothers was playing a joke.”
“I’m grateful you took my last-minute request.” Cassian gestured to her. “I’d like you to meet Gigi Cavanaugh.”
Gigi stood up, wiping her hands on her jeans. “Hello. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Oh, my gosh, my daughter’s away at college right now, but she’s going to die when she finds out you’re right here on our property.”
“Uh, honey?” the husband said. “He asked for our discretion.”
“He did?” She turned to Cassian. “You did?”
“I’d appreciate it very much.”
“Well, darnit. I was hoping to post it on social media and blow her mind.”
The man shook his head. “She’s the biggest prankster of them all.” He gave his wife an affectionate grin.
Gigi was such a sap for this kind of love---the same kind her parents had.
Will I ever have it? She glanced at Cassian. How naïve had she been to think she’d found the love of her life at fourteen?
“All right, well, let’s get you started,” the wife said. “We’ve got to get back inside and finish dinner.”
“Now, which one of you’s the chef?” Gigi asked.
The woman slipped her arm through her husband’s. “We’re a team. You should see us in the kitchen.”
“Team work,” Cassian said. “I like that.”
Gigi took in the endless sea of sunflowers, the heads so heavy with seeds they nodded in the faint breeze. “I’ve never seen anything like this.”
“It brings us a lot of joy,” the wife said. “Now, go on and have some fun.”
As they headed back to their home, Mr. Carson called out, “If you’re not back in an hour, we’re coming to get you.”
“So little faith,” Cassian said over his shoulder, as they headed into the maze.
The brilliant blue sky, the thick, green stalks…it was magical. “Oh, my God, look at all these butterflies.” They fluttered all around them, the bright orange and black standing out against the broad, almost heart-shaped leaves of the sunflowers. “Cassian, this is amazing.”
“I’m glad you like it,” he said, quietly.
Surrounded by the towering flowers, they made their way along a hay-strewn path. The lowering sun cast long shadows, and the air smelled rich with earth. She probably shouldn’t have been so happy to be here with him, but well…there it was. “I can’t believe you arranged all this.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d come.”
She eyed him sharply, surprised that, underneath all that cocky confidence, pulsed fear and worry. She’d been wrong. He hadn’t assumed he could apologize and be done with the past.
His vulnerability softened her.
And that made her bristle. “On your mark…get set…go.” She shot ahead of him. “See you on the other side.”
“Hey.” He laughed. “It’s a maze, not an obstacle course.”
She walked backwards. “Scared of a little competition, QB?”
“Have you seen me under pressure? But just remember…” Excitement glittered in his eyes. “I don’t lose.”
“Oh, sometimes you do. Like with the Tigers last season?” She cringed.
He laughed. “My tears dried up right about the time I found out we were going to the Super Bowl. Again. And I know I didn’t lose either of those games.”