“You got pretty close last year.”
“Right, but I came back from behind with eleven seconds on the clock.” His long legs stalked her. Beneath his smile lay a hunger and determination that set her heart pounding. “Know why I win?”
“Well, it makes it easier to get laid, that’s for sure.” Exhilarated, she ducked around the next corner, aware of his footfalls not far behind.
“In the interest of full disclosure,” he called. “I looked at a map of the maze this morning. It’s online. Just in case you actually think you can beat me.”
“How incredibly anal of you.” Her skin flashed warm and cool as she stepped from one patch of sunlight to another band of shadow. “Why would you look at a map?”
“Because I wanted things to go well.” From glimpses of his white T-shirt, she could tell he was right on the other side of a row of flowers.
That hard-packed earth? His unrelenting patter of sweet rain was beginning to soften it. And that scared the hell out of her.
She hurried down a path, dashing down the fork on the left.
His pace quickened, too. “It’d be a bust if we couldn’t find our way out, and you got all sweaty and pissed off at me.”
“I’ve been pissed at you for nine years. Why do you suddenly care?”
He went quiet, but she could hear the rustling of the leaves. “I never stopped caring.”
Was he stepping through the stalks? She hurried along the path. Go go. “You’re full of shit. If you missed me as much as you say you did, you wouldn’t have hooked up with ten thousand women. Every picture of you, every interview, you looked happy. Like you were on top of the world. And now you want me to believe your woe-is-me story?” Tough words meant to cover the truth. Because she was beginning to believe him.
She cut down another path. This time she found herself in a clearing. A fountain burbled in the center, paths like flower petals radiating out in various directions. She could lose him now, for sure.
“What I want is your forgiveness. I didn’t expect to see you on this tour, I don’t have some plan, and frankly I don’t know if I deserve it, but that’s what I want. And the only way I know how to do it is to tell you my experience of us.”
My experience of us. Dammit. Her soul knelt on the ground, head tilted back, and let the rain wash away the anger, the bitterness, the hurt.
She’d wanted this window into his thoughts for so long.
But softening led to trusting…and that…that she couldn’t do. “Well, I appreciate it. Thank you.” She’d had enough. “You’re forgiven.”
Okay, which path? Gazing up at the darkening sky, she tried to get her bearings. How could she find her way out if she didn’t know where the farmhouse was?
“Don’t humor me. You’ve lived with one perspective for a long time. Ask me questions, yell at me. Don’t sweep it away. We have a chance to get it all out. Take it.”
“So, you want more than forgiveness?”
He went quiet. And then, “I want my friend back.”
God. The desolation in his voice. It hit the exact note strumming through her body. Because she was so lonely without him. Every minute of every day that tuned played in the background.
She chose a path, but her feet didn’t take her down it. She wanted answers. “You could’ve had me back. If you’d told me what my dad said, if you’d talked to me freshman year, when we were away from my parents. You could’ve written a letter, an email….at any point since the night of that party, you could’ve reached out to me.”
“I’ve thought about it. Pretty much every day in college, I wanted to write you. But, whether you want to believe me or not, I knew your dad was right. I thought if I pursued you, I’d hold you back. I wanted…shit. So many times…I wanted to come and get you. To be with you. But I had your dad’s voice in my head. Not only was he right but going after you would have been the worst kind of betrayal to the man who gave up so much for me.”
The sudden chill in the air told her the sun had dipped below the horizon. She rubbed her arms.
“You still there?” he asked
“Yes. I’m…processing.”
He went quiet, and she loved that about him, the way he respected her. Gave her the time and space she needed. Only…she didn’t really want space. She wanted to see him, watch his reactions. “I guess I wish you’d wanted me more than you wanted to be loyal to my dad.” She lifted up to touch the head of the flower, the dark center sticky with nectar. “I wanted you to want me more than anything.”
“The first time I saw you, I was fourteen.” It sounded like he was right on the other side of the row of flowers.
She couldn’t see him, but her mind did. And, when she closed her eyes, she was right there in the tree house with him, lying by his side. God, she could almost smell the musty tarp, feel the pine planks under her back.
She felt the ghost of their initials carved into the wood on the tip of her finger.
“It was my third day of high school. My parents hadn’t even been gone a month, and I was sharing a bedroom with a cousin I might’ve met once or twice before. I hated the world, but I swear when I saw you in the hallway, it felt like…you know when you’re sleeping and you dream you’re falling, and you get this zing through your whole body? It wakes you all the way up? That’s what it felt like.”
She knew exactly the moment he meant. The high school in Calamity Falls was small, so new kids got a lot of attention. Everyone talked about the city boy, tall, lean, cute, with shaggy hair and a chip on his shoulder. Cassian was the kid who strolled into class after the bell rang, never looked anyone in the eye, and acted like he was too good for their cowboy town.
But his attitude had disappeared the moment he’d laid eyes on her.
You bet I remember it. She recited the words to him. “‘When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.’” A soft breeze ruffled her hair, making her skin break out in goosebumps.
“You remember that?” His tone held urgency.
He’d written that Arrigo Boito quote on the walls of their tree house. She’d read it so many times it was like he’d carved it on her soul.
When I saw you I fell in love, and you
smiled because you knew.
It pissed her off that he thought she could forget something so monumental. “I remember everything, you idiot. Why do you think I’m such a mess? When I saw you I fell in love? You wrote that on the wall of our private place without any explanation—ever—and then you kissed my best friend and never talked to me again. Who does that? That’s the whole reason I stopped trusting my instincts.” She hadn’t meant to shout, but dammit, he made her so angry.
Fuck it.
Fuck him.
Without even thinking, she chose a path and race-walked away. He couldn’t possibly find her—not with eleven other options to choose from.
“Would you quit running and let me finish the story?”
She swore the breeze carried his scent to her, and it made her slow down.
“Anyhow, that first time I saw you, it rocked my world. But I was in a shitty place, and you were beautiful and popular and talented, so I didn’t talk to you.” His voice was right there, keeping up with her.