It had been a bad idea to come on this trip. Alina would have understood if I had backed out. They all would have understood. And I was pissed at Kristen for not running this bachelorette party idea by me. She knew about Derek. She knew and she didn't care how much this was going to hurt me.
I sat down on one of the rocks by the edge of the water. I wasn't sure why I wanted to come here again. It's not like I was crazy enough to go swimming by myself in crocodile infested waters. I hugged my knees to my chest. But Derek would have loved it here. I would give anything for him to be next to me right now. I was vaguely aware of the fact that I was crying. It felt refreshing for the rain to instantly wash away the salty tears from my face, as if there were no consequences for being upset out here.
It had been a year and a half. Why did it still hurt so much? When would it stop feeling like this?
"You've got to be kidding me."
I opened my eyes and saw Rob standing on a rock in front of the small waterfall. Completely soaked. And completely naked. My eyes seemed locked on his perfect body. It didn't look like he had an ounce of fat on him. The water glistened on his flawless skin. He looked like a Greek god. He wasn't even erect and he was huge. Why am I looking at his penis? Stop looking at his penis! I forced my eyes to meet his. He had a scowl on his face.
"I'm sorry." I quickly stood up. "I'll go."
"Don't bother. I'm leaving anyway." He walked over to a backpack on the ground. He grabbed a pair of athletic shorts, hastily pulling them on, hiding his perfect ass from view.
Stop staring at him. But I couldn't seem to stop.
He crouched down, picked up a bottle of shampoo, and shoved it into his backpack.
"Were you showering under the waterfall?" Who does that?
He stopped what he was doing and stared at me. "I don't see why that's any of your business, Daphne." His voice oozed with venom.
I had never heard someone say my name like that. How could he hate me so much for trying to help? "Rob, the tour guide said there were crocodiles in there. It's dangerous. You shouldn't..."
"I don't give a shit about what you think. I thought I made that clear last night." He stood up, pulling his backpack over one shoulder.
"But the crocodiles..."
"The only thing dangerous here is you." He gestured to a small bruise on his chiseled abs.
"Did I do that?" I thought about the other day when I had thought he was a crocodile. I had kicked and squirmed and tried to fight him off.
He didn't answer me. He just started walking back toward the trail. He really was the most infuriating person I had ever met.
"So you like putting yourself in danger? Rob, your brother needs you. You can't..."
"Don't fucking tell me what my brother needs." He turned around and glared at me. "All my brother needs is for people like you to stop judging him for his past. He has a hard enough time letting things go without you trying to bring him down."
"Okay." I felt even smaller than I did a minute ago.
"You didn't even give me a chance to explain anything last night, you know? So I'm not giving you a chance to explain your opinions right now. And you know what? You don't even deserve to hear what I have to say. You don't deserve to get to know my brother. You don't deserve to get to know me."
I nodded my head and looked away from him.
"Jesus Christ. Don't cry about it."
"I'm not crying because of you." Maybe I was a little. I was a little surprised that he could even see past the hatred in his eyes to notice that I was hurting. I wasn't just hurting. It felt like I was drowning.
"Daphne..."
"Just go."
He took a step toward me. His face was softer than it had been a second ago. After everything he just said to me, how could he feel compassion toward me? He clearly loathed me. So why did it look like he wanted to comfort me?
I took a step back. I didn't want his arms around me. I didn't need someone to tell me it was going to be okay. It wasn't okay. Nothing was okay. "Don't touch me."
He stopped. "Okay. I didn't mean to make you cry." He ran his hand through his wet hair. He looked so smug and sexy. He was such a conceited asshole.
"You'll lose him, you know. If you do nothing, you'll lose him."
Rob's face hardened again. "Still, you haven't asked me about him. Still, you're pointing fingers, when you know nothing about his past. I'm not as blind as you think I am. He's fine. And if he wasn't, I would know. I'm not dumb enough to lose him. Now please, just leave us alone." He turned and walked back toward the trail.
He left me feeling even worse about last night than I already did. And more alone than I had ever felt.
***
I slowly opened the door to my room. It looked like everyone was still sleeping. I closed the door as quietly as I could.
"I'm not dumb enough to lose him." Rob's words wouldn't stop echoing around in my head. I had believed Derek was better. I was dumb enough to lose him. My whole body was cold and it wasn't because I was soaked. I just felt so defeated. Was Rob actually right? Was it my fault that Derek was gone?
"Hey," Kristen said. She yawned and sat up. "Walk of shame much?"
I tried to laugh. It came out sounding forced and foreign to my ears. "No, I slept here last night. I just went for a walk his morning."
"Mhm. I see that Rob has already removed your bracelet this morning. What did he make you do?"
"No, actually. I just haven't put it on yet." I gestured to my bracelet which was still sitting on the nightstand.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yep." I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Everything's good." I needed to stop dwelling on what Rob had said. He didn't know anything about me. And he never would. Screw him. "What are we doing today?"
"Zip lining."
"Really?"
"Don't look so freaked out. It's super safe. It's going to be fun. Tell me how last night went."
"Umm...good."
Kristen laughed. "That didn't sound convincing at all. Did he try to pressure you to have sex or something? I know how weird you are about waiting until the fifth date or whatever."
"The sixth date. And no, nothing like that." He probably wouldn't have had to pressure me. But now I was so relieved that we hadn't taken it that far. I needed to change the subject. "'I saw James with his shirt off."
Kristen's eyes lit up. "Did you drool everywhere? I remember watching him on his runs. Every now and then it would be so hot that he couldn't wear a shirt. He's so sexy."
"You're such a stalker." I said it even though I had done the same thing with Rob. I made sure to read on the green at the same time every day in hopes of seeing him.
Kristen laughed. "I'm an observant person is all."
I sat down at the small table in our room. "Do you know anything about his past?"
"Who, James? Yeah, I know all about him. What do you want to know?"
Of course she did. "Did he used to have a drug problem?"
Kristen sighed. "That's like the one thing I don't know everything about. I think it's kind of buried. Rich people can do that I guess. All I know is that he has kind of a sad past and he never really talks about it in interviews. He's made it clear that he didn't love his first wife, though. He was depressed or something and his family pressured him into marrying her I think. I do know that he's been arrested a few times. But I don't know what the charges were. Did you know that he got fired from his first teaching job for punching the dean?"