The conversation is over with that. He doesn’t care that I am afraid of meeting them. That rejection stings me more than others. I am inferior. Sal likes to be in charge, and I am just another thing he’s in charge of now.
With tears stinging the corners of my eyes at his dismissal, I lie back down on the pillow beside him and stare at the ceiling of his room, in his house, where his wife lived, and try not to feel like the worst human on earth.
“Don’t sulk, it gives away your age.”
He rolls, putting an arm over me, reminding me of the age difference I’d told myself didn’t matter.
“Act like a grown up and maybe you’ll fit in fine. I chose you for fuck’s sakes, Chelsey, and I am not going to hide you from them. They all know already.”
I sniff back my imminent tears and answer. “It’s fine, we’ll go, Sal.”
Whatever, it doesn’t matter because he will get what he wants anyway. He’ll touch me and make me feel good and cause me to surrender that way. This is just easier. Maybe I am being stupid and naive, or simply hormonal.
As he kisses my neck and bites along my collarbone, anything he said is soon forgotten, especially when his lips and tongue find their way between my thighs. This is what he does, he touches me and makes me stupid. My spine turns to jelly and I forget who I am.
His fingers curl inside me and I arch myself further into him. His tongue draws circles on my clit and his fingers push from the inside, making me quiver with the anticipation of my climax. My muscles tense and my thighs clamp closed, holding his head right there so he can’t stop the delicious feeling building inside me.
As I reach the point where I know it’s about to happen, he forces my legs open and stops. He slides all the way up my body, the tip of his cock teasing me, his weight stopping me from forcing it in.
Kissing my neck, he goes in agonizingly slowly and as he enters me, he says, “I kiss your neck because I know what it does to the rest of you, Bunny. I bite you here,” and he nips just below my ear, “because I know you feel it here.”
He thrusts hard and deep and my body responds, squeezing around him. Pushing himself up on one arm, he uses the other to slip between us and rub my already sensitive clit.
“Everywhere I touch you is with intent, Bunny. I know exactly what it does to you.” His strokes become faster, and I know that I am going to cum. “I like that I can do this to you, Bunny. I like making you quiver, and squeal. There’s no better feeling than knowing I did this to you.”
I don’t hear more. There are stars as I shake and my body feels heavy and light at the same time. Sal keeps going, until I am limp and soft in the aftermath of my orgasm. He pulls out and jizzes all over my stomach, marking his territory, reminding me who’s in control.
I sleep at home Saturday night. Sal has work and I don’t feel comfortable being alone in his house. I haven’t met his son. I’m sure he keeps us apart on purpose, and if he showed up I’d just die. Instead I spend the night catching up with my sisters and their lives.
Shaine has a girlfriend. I’ve known for two years now she’s a lesbian, and it never bothered me one bit. It’s nice to hear her talk about someone special. She’s smiling, and I see the spark that left us long ago there again. We are a family, even if it’s a desperately dysfunctional one.
“Sal is going to want me to stay with him.” I broach the subject gently. Kylie looks at me like I just killed the puppy we never had. “The plan hasn’t changed, Ky, you are moving at the end of the school year. Shaine and I can’t keep going like this. She’s going to work, and mom … well, mom isn’t going to change. So don’t look at me like that. Sal is good to me. He’s good to us and I need to make this work. I’m having a baby and it will need a daddy.”
“None of us had a daddy and we didn’t die,” she snaps.
I’m not letting her manipulate this situation, she’s got to go. I know it’s hard, but it is what’s best for all of us.
“About all that,” Shaine says, her voice shaking a little bit. “I’m not going to be working.”
“What?” I don’t understand – we had a plan. I need there to be plan.
“I got accepted to college on financial aid, and I’m going.” That’s a lot better than the scenarios I had in my head a few seconds ago. “I know we had a plan, but I think this is a better one. You know, for the future,” Shaine adds.
“Wow, I don’t know what to say. If you want this, then we will make it work.” I turn to my little sister having a sulk. “See, there’s no way you can stay if Shaine goes to college. I’ll be busy with the baby and she’ll have classes. I know you think it’s the end of the world, but really it’s just the start of a way better one for you.”
Kylie folds her arms over her chest and ignores me. Two can play that game.
“So what do you plan to study in college, since you did all this without even telling me?” I ask Shaine.
“I got accepted to the engineering program.”
I choke on the popcorn we are eating while not watching the movie at all. “Shit, you really were being serious.”
She nods and smiles.
I know better than to make a bigger deal about it. “That’s awesome.”
It’s after midnight when we drag ourselves to bed.
“Come, girls, I have to go to fucking church in the morning.”
“Are you ill, Chels? And I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t put fucking in front of the word church, lightning may get you on the way in,” Shaine grins.
“Sal wants me to join their family Sunday, church and lunch. It is literally the worst idea on Earth. What do you even wear to church? God people are so judgey.”
Shaine laughs at me and we crawl under the covers, but I still don’t know what to wear. She’s no help there.
My alarm wakes me and I feel like I just fell asleep. I shower and brush my teeth with my eyes closed, trying to wake myself up slowly.
When I get to my room there is an outfit on my bed with a note from Shaine, ‘Church clothes – don’t show any boob’ written on a till slip from yesterday’s groceries.
I pull on the dark floral dress with long sleeves. It covers my boobs up to my neck and sits just on my knee. It’s conservative, but also just a little sexy the way it clings to my body.
With my hair straightened and a pair of black pumps on, I’m ready to leave when my mother crawls in after an all-nighter. There’s no time for her. I need to get to Sal’s house by eight, so I make a run for it. Well, as much of a run as I can achieve in the tight dress and heels.
He’s waiting by his car when I pull up at eight minutes past eight, his gray suit matching his hair, and he smiles when I get out of the car.
“You look nice,” he says, admiring my outfit as I get closer. “Very grown up.”
“Thank you. You look rather handsome yourself.”
I kiss his cheek and he opens the door for me. My stomach knots with tension and nerves. I try telling myself that no one will do anything awful in church – right?
Thirteen
Caramel Blond