“Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do?” I am absolutely in no way, shape, or form freaking out. I’m a grown ass man who has spent most of his life in a cage fighting men. I have nerves of fucking steel baby.
“I suggest that you do some actual work, since you’ve been staring at the screen all day.” She sighs. “What I’m sure that you’re going to do, is call my husband and concoct some dumbass plan that’s going to have all three girls plotting your murders.” She shrugs. “But what do I know? No one actually listens to me anyway. Why would any of you? It’s not like I’m always right or anything.” She huffs before walking out the door and letting it slam behind her.
“Well someone is a bit passive aggressive today.” I mutter to myself as I grab my cell phone. I scroll through my recent call list and press the green button next to JJ’s name.
“Hey man what’s up?” He asks.
“We’ve got a problem man, a big one.” I state with the dire seriousness that this problem deserves.
Sage was right about one thing, JJ is definitely my first call. Lets just hope that she isn’t right about the girls plotting our demise.
Nah, they’re daddies girls all the way. I know, I know…famous last words.
Stacey
I sigh loudly as I shut the door to my apartment that I share with Brad. I lean back against the door and bang my head a few times. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths.
“Rough day?” A masculine voice asks, scaring the ever-loving-shit out of me.
I grab my chest as I gasp loudly. “What the fuck Brad! Make some damn noise or something!” I screech.
He purses his lips and puts a hand on his hip like the true diva that he is. “I’ve been standing here the entire time. Not my fault that your eyesight is getting shittier the older you get.” What a bitch.
I narrow my eyes. “My eyesight may be getting bad, but at least I’m not gaining weight like some people.” I smile sweetly at the vain ass who just yesterday complained that he gained a few pounds.
“This apartment isn’t big enough for two bitches.” He hisses.
I nod my head seriously. “Especially with how much your ass has been growing.”
“I’m the one cooking tonight whore. Do you really want to end up with diarrhea, because I can make that happen.” He deadpans.
I roll my eyes and walk fully into the living room after removing my sneakers at the door. I plop my tired butt down on the couch so that I can still see the pain in the ass that I live with.
“And to answer your original question, yes today was a rough day.” I groan as I stretch out my aching legs. Being on my feet for twelve hours is a killer some days. I should consider working the night shift. Those heffers don’t do half as much as day shift does.
Brad eyes me warily before walking over to the fridge, and pulls out a bottle of chardonnay. Did I call him a pain in the ass? I mean the world’s best friend and roommate. He pours a large glass and walks it over to me. I swear, no matter how much of a drama queen he can be, it’s moments like this that totally make up for it.
He hands me the glass and I take it eagerly. I take a huge sip as he asks, “What did that ugly cow do now?”
I groan in both appreciation of the crisp wine on my tongue and in annoyance at the bitch that I have to deal with at work. “Not only did she give me a C-diff (Clostridium difficile infection) patient, but one who has a massive wound vac.” I take another sip of my wine. “So, not only did I get the wonderful pleasure of cleaning out a nasty ass wound, but I had to clean the guy up three times in one hour because he kept shitting himself.”
Not that I blame the poor patient. He couldn’t help it. C-diff makes it impossible to control yourself. And the gaping wound is because the shitty nursing home that he’s in didn’t take care of him well at all. Truly, I feel horrible for the eighty-two year old man. He really is such a sweetie. But damn, I have had all of the patients that no one else wants lately. And it’s all thanks to my charge nurse Karen. Seriously, the name says it all.
I thought that I would be happier moving from the Emergency Room up to the Orthopedic Unit. And I was, for a while, until Karen decided that she hated me for whatever reason. Anytime that she’s the charge nurse, I get the worst patients possible. I knew that I should’ve just called out.
Brad gives me a smug ass look. “I told you to transfer over to Labor and Delivery with me. Everyone is happy when helping to bring a cute baby into this world.”
I raise my eyebrow at him. “Did you tell me last week that there was a fight on your floor?”
He rolls his eyes and waves his hand in the air. “Psh, that doesn’t count.”
I cough out a laugh. “How doesn’t that count?”
He sits down next to me on the couch and stretches his forty-five mile long legs out next to mine. He leans his head against the back on the couch and rolls it to his right to look at me. “It doesn’t count because it wasn’t any of the nurses fighting. It was just the dude’s wife and mistress slash now baby mama who were getting into a fight.” He giggles to himself. “Honestly, it was pretty impressive considering that they were both in labor and having contractions.”
I shake my head. “I still can’t believe that they both went into labor at the same time. That’s just some crappy luck.”
Brad’s snort shakes the couch. “Please, it’s the least that his cheating ass deserved. Watching two pregnant women slap the ever-loving shit out of him totally made my year.” He says gleefully.
“True,” I agree, “he deserves much worse. But can you imagine being those women and believing that you’re having a baby with the man of your dreams, only to find out that he’s a lying sack of shit. At least the baby mama only has to deal with him for the baby’s sake. His wife now has to go through separating her whole life. Finding that out on a day that’s supposed to be one of the happiest of your life is just so horrible.” I say sadly. I couldn’t even imagine how those poor women felt. I’d be angry as hell too. I can’t even blame them for flipping out.
His eyes take on a sharp look that doesn’t bode well for me. “Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room finally? Especially since the level of melancholy that you’ve been giving off for months has seeped into the walls, making this apartment permanently depressed.”
“What are you talking about?” I question and chug a decent amount of my wine. I have a feeling that Brad’s grace period for giving me my space has ended. Truthfully, I expected this a lot sooner. The nosey bastard has given me a lot of privacy that I’m sure has been slowly eating away at his soul.
“Nuh-uh bitch. I’ve given you MONTHS!” Is shouting that word really necessary? “Four months to be exact.” Seriously? He’s counted the months? Never mind. I shouldn’t expect any less from him.
I sigh, polish off my wine, and stare longingly at the empty glass. “What do you want me to say?” I ask sadly.
Brad gets up and power walks to the fridge and is back with the bottle of wine in what seems like a flash. He pours me another huge glass, which I’ll need to deal with this conversation, and sits back down like he hadn’t moved. “I would like you to tell me what happened with you and Danny.” I may or may not choke on my wine.