Well, Fate, you’re a cruel and funny bitch, all right.
He told me not to fall in love. He warned me from the very beginning. I was stupid enough not to listen.
Knox left. Without a second glance back. He hadn’t lied to me. He’d been honest from the very beginning.
So why am I left here alone, brokenhearted, and with no idea what to do with my future?
I’m lying to myself. Knox didn’t leave because he wanted to. He had to. And his tight bond with this family is part of why I like him so much.
Truth is I only have myself to blame. I’m the one who turned around. I’m the one who walked away. I’m the one who didn’t look back, because I knew if I did, I’d either run to him and beg him to stay or be grief-stricken to find him already gone.
Considering I’m still heartbroken, I probably should’ve taken one last look at him, just to know if he felt half as much pain as I did in that moment. As I still feel now.
I pause on the porch, listening as Knox’s car engine fires up. The sound of him backing out and disappearing down the lane that will take him to the main road smashes my heart all over again.
My nose burns, the tears pouring now, and I make it back to my bed in a watery daze, flopping into the mattress and gripping the pillow he’s been sleeping on for the past two months. The scent of him makes me cry harder, until I’m exhausted from my cathartic weeping. It’s unlike me to fall apart so quickly, so I turn the radio on to drown out the noise in my head.
That’s how Sunny finds me. Whimpering into my pillow with Chicago’s “If You Leave Me Now” playing.
What perfect timing. Peter Cetera’s crooning nearly causes me to burst into another fit of tears.
“Rise and shine!” Sunny’s chipper voice wakes me, and I groan at her perkiness.
I tug the covers over my head, hoping she’ll get the message and leave me alone.
Who am I kidding? This is Sunny. She won’t leave until she has every last sordid detail.
“Go away.”
She rips the blanket away and sits next to me on the bed, pushing the hair back from my face. “Meems, you’ve been crying.”
Can’t hide anything from Sunny. I sniff, wiping my swollen eyes. “Allergies.”
“I ran into Knox at the gas station as he was on the way out of town.”
“Oh.”
“He told me about his dad. How he had to go. Said he’d miss Crystal Cove. And most of all you.”
Tight knots twist in my belly. I sit up and push myself back until I hit the headboard, eyeing Sunny. “He said that?”
A soft smile curls her lips. “Is that so surprising?”
I swallow hard and offer a small shrug. “I guess not. It just would’ve been nice if he’d told me that.”
She arches an eyebrow. “He didn’t tell you he’d miss you?”
I nibble on my lower lip then decide to be honest with her. “Well, yes. But not much more than that. I didn’t really give him a chance to. It was all ending so quickly and I wanted a clean break. Nothing messy, just like we’d said. No feelings.”
“Oh, Meems,” she sighs. “What’d you do?”
I want to tell her everything. Well, almost everything. I’m keeping the memory of the way Knox held me last night to myself. It was different than any other time we’d been together. Slower, as if he were savoring every single moment the same way I was. And after we’d exhausted ourselves with sex, Knox drew me into his chest and didn’t let me go until the sun peeked through the curtains—our reminder that he had to leave. Instead of getting up from the bed, he rolled me over onto my back and kissed every inch of my skin before he slid into me, giving me the overwhelmingly breathtaking yet agonizing goodbye.
Those memories are just for me. And Knox.
“We stuck to what we said. Just for the summer and then we’d go our separate ways.”
“I don’t get it. I know you both claimed it was just a summer fling, but we all could see that something deeper was happening between you two. Maybe he’ll come back when things are settled with his dad.”
As much as I wish that could be true, I know it’s not happening. Might as well not let Sunny keep up the wishful thinking. Wiping away an errant tear, I glance at my best friend, thankful more than ever that she’s here now. “He’s not coming back, Sunny. I basically told him not to.”
The expression on her face quickly changes from assurance to shock until it settles on confusion. “What? Why the hell would you do that?”
My shoulders lift and fall in a pitiful shrug. “He had to leave eventually. Might as well get used to a life without him rather than him coming back and having to go through it all again. A clean break.” I can tell by Sunny’s exasperated expression that I’m not convincing.
“Oh my gosh, Amelia. I love you, but you’re an idiot.”
I’m unsure of how to respond. Because, well, she’s right.
“You may not want to admit it to yourself, but I know you better than anyone. It’s obvious you’re head-over-heels in love with that man. Why would you just let him go?”
“The plan was to end this after the summer. I wasn’t going to beg him to stay just for him to turn me down.”
“You don’t know that’s what would have happened.”
“And you don’t know that he would’ve stayed. Or wanted to continue anything beyond the summer.”
“Now, we’ll never know.”
I sigh.
“Look, you said it yourself. He’s gone, not coming back. Buck up, Buttercup. There’s nothing you can do, so if you think I’m going to let you wallow in misery, you’ve got another thing comin’, Meems.”
Memories of that first day on the beach flood back in, and tears spring into my eyes. I’ll never read The Princess Bride the same again.
She takes my hands, squeezing lightly. “Promise me you won’t let it ruin the rest of the time you’ll be here. I already lost too much time with you. I don’t want to lose any more.”
I plaster on a fake smile. “You know, this may turn out to be a blessing. I came here to spend more time with you guys and ended up spending most of it with Knox. Now, you’ll have me all to yourself again.”
Sunny plops down beside me on my bed, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and giving me a side hug. “That’s the spirit. And hey, it may not be easy, but just forget about him. And no more tears.”
Right.
Something I didn’t consider when this summer with Knox began was that, in making all those memories, they’d be a constant reminder of what I had. And what I lost. Perhaps Sunny’s right. I’ve been an idiot all along. Worse, I was a coward.
She tells me not to cry, but I can’t help it.
There’s a tear every time I blink.
After running into Sunny and seeing the expression on her face at hearing of my leaving, I wanted to turn around and head right back to Amelia, demand she come to Nashville with me. But the thought of my dad lying in a hospital and Mom there at his side kept me on the road.
“Knox, you’re here,” Mom whispers, lifting from the chair beside Dad’s bed and coming towards me with open arms.