I heard movement, and then the bed dipped underneath his weight. “Abbi, please. Ask me now. Ask me whatever you want.”
I didn’t even know where to start. He blew my mind only minutes ago with this revelation.
“When did you start?” It came to me and flew out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
The bed shifted as he leaned back against the headboard. “It was after Poppy was gone and totally unintentional. I was in the bathroom looking for the damn toothpaste and found a little baggie of white powder.” Turning my head, I look over to watch as he covers his eyes with his arm. “I wanted to see why she chose it over me, so I tried it. Well, I had to look up how to do it first, and then I tried it. Everything and I mean everything, fell away. For a month, I sat in the house I’d shared with my ex, and did nothing but my new friend, the powdery white substance.”
After a few minutes of quiet, I asked. “Then what happened?” I knew this wasn’t easy for him, but I had to know everything.
“I wanted more. I needed more. I was a mess. I couldn’t sleep, eat, and then someone sent me a picture of Poppy standing on the side of the street looking utterly out of it. I realized that it could be me if I didn’t stop. I didn’t want to be lost in drugs and ruin other people’s lives, even though I had no one in my life. I kept looking at her picture, at how awful she looked. Her body was emaciated, her skin was broken out, and her skin tone was uneven. I’m not conceited about my looks, but I didn’t want to fall down that pit and never get it back.”
“So you checked into rehab under the guise of an alcohol addiction?” I couldn’t look at him any longer. I’d been heartbroken when I found out that my relationship with Greg had all been a lie, but never once had I thought to turn to drugs. Would I have tried it if I found it in my bathroom and wondered what all the hype was about? Doubtful, but in a strange way, I understood.
“After losing a big movie role, Catherine thought it was best.”
“Catherine knows?” I wasn’t sure how I felt about Catherine knowing. I understood it wasn’t her place to tell me, but damn, I couldn’t wrap my head around all of this.
“She’s the only one who does know. Well, did know until now,” he confessed.
“What are you going to do about Poppy’s story?”
“I haven’t thought about it. You and Alex are more important. I need to make this right with the two of you first–if that’s even possible.”
“Help me sit up,” I ordered.
Jenner pulled me up with so much gentleness that it brought tears to my eyes. Twisting on the bed, I let my eyes roam over him. His feet hung off the bed, and his long, tanned legs splayed out, while his arms hung at his sides. That wasn’t what made my breath catch in my chest. It was how every feature of his face drooped with sadness.
“I think you should call her and figure things out even though I’m sure she’s already on it.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” He got off the bed and came around to my side. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to my forehead. He left them there as he muttered, “I’m sorry I fucked up. Again. I’m going to go outside and give you some space. If you need me, I’ll have my phone.”
He spun it in his hand as he walked out of the room. The swagger he usually held in his steps was gone.
Why did I feel like I’d broken him, broken us, when he’d been the one with the secret?
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jenner
I felt like a creepy stalker as I sat there and stared at Abbi from across the yard. Her head was tipped back and backlit by the fireworks show Luke and Alex’s neighborhood was putting on for everyone. She hadn’t spoken a word to me unless her brother was in the room since I told everyone the truth about Poppy’s accusations.
Catherine was already on it by the time I talked to her, but that didn’t matter. I’d done irreparable damage to my relationship with both Abbi and Alex. They looked at me with deep pain in their eyes every time they looked my way. If there was a good thing to come of this, it would be that it had made Alex and Abbi bond over how much I’d hurt them.
Movement to my right and left caught my attention, but I paid it no mind. Instead, I kept my stare directed at the one person I wanted to look at me.
“Is she still not talking to you?” A deep rumbling voice that belonged to Jax Stone sounded from my right.
“He’s getting the cold shoulder from both Alex and Abbi,” Luke sounded off at my back.
“But, you’ve forgiven him?” Holden’s rough voice came from my left. They’d surrounded me.
“There was nothing for me to forgive, but I understand why Alex is upset.” He came to stand off to my left beside Holden. “She begged for him to tell her what was going on. She would have understood if you’d told her man.”
“And she would have been disappointed.” With my forearms on my thighs, I hung my head and dug my fingers into my hair. “I never wanted anyone to find out. I can promise I will never do drugs again, but it’s not enough. The worst part is I’m not sure how I’m ever going to get them to forgive or trust me again.”
“That’s a tricky one.” Jax shook his head with no real answer.
“I was dying to drink until I passed out and keep doing it until they were ready to talk to me, but I knew I couldn’t with Abbi’s brother around. He already hated me enough as it was.”
Holden shifted, looking straight at me instead of the fireworks. “Maybe you need to get vulnerable with them. Explain to them the way they’re pushing you out of their lives is causing you to want to drink. If they care, which they obviously do since they feel betrayed, they’ll respond, and then you can talk it out.”
The man had a good plan.
“Trust me, when I was injured, all Gabi wanted was for me to talk to her and tell her how I felt. If you can do that, I think it will be a big step in the right direction.”
“How is that even going to happen when they won’t talk to me?” Looking over, I saw all the girls watching us. The second they were caught, everyone but Abbi turned back to the firework show going on. She stared at me for another beat until Paul wrapped an arm around her shoulders, then she looked away.
“I’ll talk to Alex.” Luke stood as if he was going to do it that very moment.
“Sit down, man, or better yet, all of you go sit by your women. I don’t want to ruin the show for them. I’m not going to run off and get drunk while everyone is enjoying the night. I promise I don’t have a problem with drugs or alcohol, but I’ve also pledged to myself that I won’t use them to deal with my issues either.”
“Smart man.” Holden clapped me on the back. “I’m going to take your advice and go be with my woman.”
“See ya.” I saluted him.
“Are you sure you want to be alone?” Luke asked, his mouth in a thin line.
“I’m sure. Enjoy the night with your family.”
“Once everyone disperses, I’m going to tell her.” He gave me a pointed look, one that said I better be ready or there was going to be hell to pay. I was sure it wasn’t easy for him to stay neutral when his wife was upset with me. I appreciated it more than he’d ever know. It would have been a rough day if everyone had been pissed at me and making me feel like a pariah.