“I’m sorry I hurt you, but I needed time alone to think, and I knew if you were around, I wouldn’t be able to think for myself.”
“I understand. It doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt when you and Alex shut me out. It would be different if we were at home, but here . . . ” I pulled her back against my chest. “I was stuck being isolated by my own friends.”
And I still had Alex to contend with. Just because Abbi seemed to have forgiven me for not telling her didn’t mean Alex would.
“As much as I hate to break this up, I think you should talk to Alex.” It was as if she’d read my mind.
Resting my cheek to the top of her head, I asked. “Do you think she’ll forgive me?”
“I can’t say. While it’s been nice getting to know her, we aren’t close.”
I heard the ‘like you are’ without her saying it. I’d known Alex since before she even knew Luke, and I should’ve known if she’d be willing to forgive me, eventually.
“Do you want me to take you inside? Then hopefully, I can get Alex alone and try to explain to her why I didn’t tell her.”
Her hand started to rub up and down my back. It didn’t give me any hope for my upcoming face-off with Alex if Abbi was trying to soothe me.
“That would be nice. Their house is big, and I’m exhausted from getting around all day.”
I stood and then swept her off the chair and into my arms. “You could have asked for help, you know?”
“Sometimes, I can be stubborn.” She laughed.
Abbi being stubborn reminded me of our first few days after getting married. Even though she drove me crazy, she also had me wild about her even when I wasn’t ready to admit it to myself. Holding her tight, I headed up the stairs and straight to the room we were sharing. Carefully, I sat Abbi on the bed before pulling back. Her hand shot out and wrapped around my wrist.
My brows furrowed with worry. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
“When you’re done talking to Alex, come back to me. We can snuggle and watch some TV.” She bit her bottom lip as she fiddled with the edge of the comforter.
“Are you saying I can sleep in bed with you tonight?” I’d been relegated the floor since we got here. It was a good thing Paul stayed clear because he would have wondered what the hell was up with me being laid out on the floor with only a thin blanket to keep me warm.
“Yes.” She pulled on me, and I came willingly. We were only a hair's breadth apart, as she said, “I didn’t like being apart from you either.” Eliminating the space between us, she caught my bottom lip between her teeth and nibbled for only a moment. “Go, I’ll be here waiting for you when you get back.”
I didn’t want to leave Abbi, but I knew I needed to try and make things right with Alex. Or at least try. Heading straight for the kitchen, I found Alex right where I thought she would be. She was always in the kitchen, and tonight was no exception. I watched for a moment as she put away all the leftovers from the feast she had prepared for her Fourth of July party.
“Do you need any help?”
Alex looked over her shoulder before she placed a container in the refrigerator. “I’m good, but you can sit and keep me company.”
“Where’s Luke and Mason?” I inquired. I didn’t want Mason running in while I was trying to explain myself.
“Mason went to spend the night with Ben, and Taylor will bring him home sometime tomorrow. Where’s Abbi?”
“Resting.” I clasped my hands out in front of me on the island. “Did Luke talk to you?”
“A little bit. I listened to what he had to say, and then I waited for you.” When she turned around to face me, her eyes were filled with tears, and I knew if she was letting me see them, I’d hurt her something fierce.
“I wish I could hug you right now. You have no idea how much I hate myself for causing you even an ounce of pain. I didn’t keep it from you to hurt you.”
“Then, why did you? Because you know that I would accept you no matter what.” Her face fell, and she covered it with her hands.
“Because I’m stupid and didn’t want you to be disappointed in me like I know you are. It was stupid of me. More than stupid to try coke, and I can’t tell you how much I wish I hadn’t been so weak in that moment. I just wanted to know why she gave up the life she had with me. You know how much it destroyed me when everything came out.”
Leaning her front into the counter, Alex looked up at me, and a single tear slid down her cheek. “I do, and I wish you would have let me be there for you. I would have been right by your side if I had an inkling of what you were going through.”
“There was no doubt, but I knew you couldn’t pick up your life for me. Mason is more important than I am.”
“Don’t say that. You’re my friend, and I will always do everything in my power to do what I can for you. If I couldn’t have been there, I would have been on the phone with you morning, noon, and night if you would have let me in.”
“I’m sorry, Alex. I can’t express to you how sorry I am that I didn’t tell you. Once I fell, I fell hard, and I was so ashamed of myself for letting her get to me the way she did. It’s not that I didn’t trust you with my secret. It’s that I didn’t want to see or hear the disappointment. I couldn’t handle it, but I promise you just as I promised myself back then and Abbi tonight that I will never do drugs again. And I won’t drink to help alleviate myself of any problems. I will never walk down that road again, and if I ever even think about it, I’ll reach out.”
“Trust me when I say I know those feelings of wanting to get lost in a substance. Decker has made me feel that way more times than I can count, so I do understand.” I watched as she sank against the island as she thought back of her life with her ex-husband. “Promise me right now that if you ever think about doing drugs again, you’ll talk to Abbi or me.”
Walking around the counter, I stopped in front of her. “I’m going to hug you, okay?”
Alex’s big blue eyes were full of happiness as she wrapped her arms around me. Enfolding her in my arms, I held her tightly, relishing the fact she let me hug her when I knew she was still upset. Kissing the top of her head, I swore to her, “If I ever have the need, I will talk to you and Abbi. I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you.”
“I know,” she choked out.
Releasing her, I stood back and kept her hand in mine. “Thank you for caring and for having us here.”
“It’s my pleasure to be your friend. You don’t give yourself enough credit. Forget about Poppy and be happy with Abbi. Be the man you were when I met you.”
“I’m trying. Abbi’s helping.”
Alex’s eyes lit up as she squealed. “I know, and I’m so happy for you.” Placing her hands on my chest, Alex playfully pushed me away. “Go be with your new wife and make up.”
I took a step back. “Are we okay?”
“Don’t worry about us. We’re good, but don’t be surprised when I’m at your house every week.”
I shook my head as I started to walk backward. “You know you’re always welcome.”