I open it with a smile, happy that’s she’s finally arrived. “Hey, come in.”
“I hope I’m not too early,” she says, stepping into the foyer.
“No, not at all. Marg’s has been out for over a half hour already. Daycare really takes it out of her.” I lead the way into the living room and then to the kitchen. I reach into the fridge. “Beer?”
“No, I’ll just take a water if you have it.”
“Sure,” I say, grabbing a beer for myself and a bottle of water for her. “Don’t trust yourself to be drunk around me, huh?” I say in a teasing tone, but I can’t help but to think that’s what it is.
She laughs. “Something like that. The last couple of times we drank together, we ended up in bed. Maybe beer is the common denominator.”
I smile as I lead her out onto the back porch. We both take a seat. The nerves settle in.
She takes a drink of her water, then turns to look over at me. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
I look out over the lake instead of at her. I don’t know if I can bear to see the look on her face if she turns me down. “Well,” I start with a deep breath and then blurt out, “I miss you, Violet.” I turn to look at her, and her facial expression hasn’t changed. “I miss you and Margo misses you, and we both want you back in our lives.”
She shakes her head. “I miss you guys, too, but Carson, I can’t just be a bandage for the wounds your wife left. I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “That’s actually why I’ve waited so long to see you. I’ve been working on all that.”
I look over at her, but she waits.
“Look, I know I was using you before, and I know that because I was completely unwilling to give you any piece of myself in return. I was…being with you—for lack of a better word—and knew that it couldn’t go further than that. But this last month without you, it’s made me realize that I don’t want to live in the past anymore. Living here, with you, in the present, is better than living in the past. I’m ready now. If you’ll still have me. I want to be a friend to you, a boyfriend, a lover, someone you can fall back on and trust not to hurt you. I want to be anything you need.”
I look over and I can see the tears building up in her eyes, but they haven’t yet fallen. She’s not looking at me. She’s looking out over the dark lake, watching the soft waves and ripples. She takes a deep breath and I hold mine, not knowing what she’s going to say. Will she tell me it’s too late? Will she be happy that I’m finally here, with her? Finally, her eyes meet mine, and her lips part. “Does that include being a father?”
Eleven
Violet
His mouth is left hanging open from my question. He wasn’t prepared for that. But to be honest, neither was I when those two pink lines appeared before my eyes. I’d been safe, or at least, I thought I had. I’ve been on birth control pills since I was a teenager and never missed a day. I mean, I know it’s not one-hundred-percent effective, but I never thought it would happen. I mean, what are the odds?
“You’re…You’re…”
I nod. “Pregnant. It’s okay. You can say it. It’s not a dirty word,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.
He shakes his head and sits up, resting his elbows on his knees. “I don’t understand. How did this happen?”
I shrug. “I’ve been on birth control for years, but it’s not always effective, you know?”
“But we only had sex twice. I mean, what are the chances?”
I laugh. “Almost my exact words.”
I see how much he’s mentally panicking over this, so I lean forward and reach for him. My hand takes his. “Look, I know this is something that you’re probably not prepared for, and that’s okay. I’m not here to trick you or trap you into anything. It’s my mistake and I’ll handle it. It doesn’t have to change anything with us.” I stand up, ready to leave. He knows the secret I’ve been hiding away, and he needs time to process it like I’ve had.
As I’m walking past him, he catches my hand in his. “Where are you going?”
“I thought I’d leave you alone to process everything.”
He stands up, shaking his head. “I’ve had over a month to process all of this, Violet. I don’t want to let you walk away again, not knowing when I will see you again.” His hand comes up to cup my jaw. His eyes settle intently on mine, making the space between us grow heavy with anticipation.
“I don’t understand,” I whisper, losing myself in his dark eyes.
“You’re pregnant with my child,” he states.
I nod, trying to follow along.
“I told you I wanted to be with you. This pregnancy doesn’t change a thing. I still want you, Violet. I want all of you, that includes the baby you’re carrying.”
“You want to try…being together. Like really together?”
He doesn’t reply. He only leans down and brushes his lips against mine. The kiss starts out slow and sweet but quickly becomes heated and rushed. I give myself over to him, enjoying the way his body feels pressed against mine.
“Daddy?” Margo says, and the two of us quickly pull away. “Violet!” She comes running for me.
I pick her up in my arms.
“Why you kissing Daddy?” she asks, brows drawn together in confusion.
“Well, I like your daddy, and we’re going to see if we like being together for a while. Is that okay with you?”
She smiles wide and nods. “Does that mean you’re going to start coming over again?”
I laugh and so does Carson. “Yes, I’ll be over here all of the time. I’ve missed hanging out with you.”
“I miss you too.” She squeezes me into a tight hug.
“Come on, monster. Let’s get back in bed, and you can see Violet tomorrow,” Carson says, taking her from me.
She peeks at me from over his shoulder as he carries her away. Her little hand comes up and waves goodbye. I smile and wave back as I follow them into the house. I sit on the couch, waiting.
Carson is back within moments, and he comes to sit at my side. “Now, where were we?” He places his arm behind me on the couch and turns to face me, but I lean in and capture his lips with mine once again.
His hand comes up to cup my cheek, and he holds me against him, deepening the kiss. The next thing I know, I’m in his arms and being carried to the bedroom where we spend the rest of the night.
I wake early in the morning, and Carson gets up to show me to the door since I have to get to work. At the door, he pulls me back. “Promise that you’ll be back tonight. We’ll have dinner together again and talk some more.”
I smile and nod. “See you later.”
Work drags by. I have hopes of seeing him again. I try to think how our future could be. We not only have this extreme attraction, but we fall deeply in love. Margo would become the daughter I’ve always dreamed of. And then we’d have this little baby I’m carrying. I can see us living out a happy life, with all of us playing in the kitchen. I try out every one of new recipes on them. We’d get married, grow old together, watch the kids go off to college, and get our happily ever after. Maybe it’s silly for me to be thinking this way so soon, but I’ve always been a dreamer. It’s what keeps me going even on my worst days, that tomorrow will always be better.