I know how bad I can get, my whole body can go back to the time I’ve fought with Rhys and Aiden thinking they were the enemy. I’m not safe to be around when my demons come to play.
If I find Dean, that won't stop me putting a bullet in his head, I've killed enough enemies while out in the middle of fucking nowhere. I can shoot him being far enough away from him, that he won't even see it coming. I have to find him first.
It's been a long fucking night, what feels like days waiting for Rafe to come back with some news, it’s only been a few hours, but I know what can happen in a few minutes with them. A few minutes being captive can mess with you in more ways than anyone can imagine.
My eyes burn with exhaustion. I can't close my eyes, as the visions burn my skin, and no matter how much I want to get away from it, I can't. The demons remain close, waiting for me to put my guard down, and the second I do they come out and attack.
"What are you doing?" Aiden walks over to my desk as I look up, and see Rhys walking behind him.
I sent them out to do the rounds, make sure everything in the club is still going smooth. As much as I'm worried about Brooklyn, I still need to make sure my staff is safe.
"Atlas, what are you doing?" Rhys leans his hands on the desk, as I disassemble and reassemble my handgun again.
"Keeping busy," I tell them as I pick up my rifle, but Rhys takes it from me.
"Look at me!" Rhys shouts, but I don't, as I continue with my handgun. "Atlas!" Rhys shouts again, slapping his hand on the table.
"What?" I shout back.
"You need to focus so-"
"If I don't do anything I'm going to fucking lose it," I bite back.
Do they think I'm having a fucking party in here, I'm trying to focus on not losing my shit.
I'm running from the past, but it's catching up with me. My life flashes before me, the blinding lights, their vile laughter, shouts, everything is too much for me. I can feel it scraping the wall I’ve built; that wall has already been broken a few times, and it’s never been repaired with concrete again, it’s holding up with sticks, and slowly each one is being knocked down.
Rhys walks around the desk. "How much did you take?" He asks as Aiden stays on the other side of the desk. "Atlas, how much you smoked?"
I look at Rhys as he waits for me to say something, but if I tell him, he won't leave my side, he knows I’ve smoked more, but I need it. I need it to forget.
Brooklyn has been taken from me, and my head is getting so fucked up at the moment that I don’t think I will come back if I fall again.
I keep fearing and panicking about the things he’ll do to her. If he makes a plea video, will she be stripped? Has he touched her? Bile rushes through me, as the thought of him laying a finger on Brooklyn flashes in my mind. I know the reason I didn't want him in my club anymore, and that brings out a whole other reason for fear.
I’m there, I’m back there. The heat is burning my skin, they’re talking but I don’t understand them, I’m tired, I need food, I need water, anything.
"Atlas, get back to my voice!" I hear Rhys, but he's too far, the voice comes from a distance. "Atlas."
I shoot out of my chair, pacing the room, locking and unlocking my handgun.
"Get down, get down." They yell, and I throw my rifle on the ground.
"I'm unarmed, I'm unarmed," I shout. “I’m unarmed.”
"Atlas, you're safe," I hear a voice shouting at me.
"Beth, get out."
"Atlas, it's Aiden. You're safe, we got you."
"Hey, we got you," I turn to see Rhys lying on the floor next to me.
"I'm losing it," I say through clenched teeth.
"You're home, we got you, and we will get Brooklyn," he tells me and gets me to sit up, but I can’t move, I can’t get up, they’re here.
“Look at me, Atlas, I’m here, Aiden is here. Look at me.”
"I can't lose her, Rhys."
"You won't. I know you're trying, and things in your head are fucked up, but Brooklyn needs you to fight for her." I sit up and Rhys hands me a drink to drown the horror in my body.
I know he’s right, and I'm trying, I've never been able to escape the past, and maybe I never will, but I have to learn to control it.
"Rafe is here, but I want to make sure you're back. I mean it." Aiden walks over to the desk, his voice is telling me that no matter what, he won't let Rafe in unless I'm back to normal, knowing that I might kill someone soon.
"Bring him in," I turn to the door as Beth walks in. "I'm sorry."
Beth stops in front of me, cupping my face. "You don't have to say sorry. We're a family, and we're here for each other," she pulls me in for a hug, and I let her hold me for as long as she wants. I know she worries, I know she wants the three of us to be happy.
"What did you find?" I ask Rafe as he walks further into the office.
"His house is empty, but you might want to see the house," Rafe puts the laptop on the desk, and looks at the four of us. "I can lose my job for showing you this."
I have no idea why he’s telling me this, I don't care what happens to him, if he doesn't find Brooklyn, a lot more will happen than losing his fucking job.
Rafe plays the video, my eyes widen as I see the images. The crazy fucker has pictures of us all over his walls. Pictures of Brooklyn, Rhys, Aiden, and me. How did he get that close to my house? I continue to watch and the video shows the ceiling has more pictures of Brooklyn sitting in the garden.
"How did he get that close to the house?" I ask the guys as they watch with me.
"We found a very high tech camera there, he could have been standing off the property," Rafe tells me, and that makes me angry. I need to fix that, I tell my guests that no one will ever see them coming here.
"I want that fixed," I tell the guys, and I pull the laptop closer to me, as they walk around Dean's apartment. "He wasn't living alone."
"No, we have the girlfriend in custody, at the moment she said she was never allowed in that room, it was locked and she hasn't seen Dean." Rafe digs through his pocket and locks eyes with me. "She told me that Dean handed her an envelope and instructed her to give it to the police whenever they come looking for him." He pulls out an envelope. "Only I've seen these," he hands it to me, and the guys take a step back from me.
My mouth goes dry, as I look at the brown envelope in my hand, my hands begin to shake a little, as I open it. I turn to the window so they can't see me fighting for air.
I look down at the pictures, flicking through them fast, to see if any of them are of her with no clothes on. My grip on the photos tightens as I see each one. Dean kissing her while she is unconscious, touching her face, sleeping next to her. But she is fully clothed, and that gives me a pound of relief.
I turn to Rafe after handing out the photos to Aiden and others.
"What's next?" I ask him.
"I'm checking if I can call in a favor with a friend in the FBI to get-"
"Aiden." I cut Rafe off.
"I'm on it." Aiden leaves the room.