Sydney reaches out, placing her hand on my arm. “Jacob, you know that I’m not blind and that this town has the ability to hold a secret as well as a bird keep its feet on the ground. People are talking. You’ve been back three months, and you’ve spent most of that with Brenna.”
“Of course, they are! Brenna and I are . . .”
“Are what?”
“We’re friends.”
She nods slowly, watching me. “I’ve known you my whole life, Jacob.”
“I’m aware of this.”
“Right, but I know you. Maybe not the way I know Declan, but I’d like to think out of all your brothers, I was closest in friendship to you. Sean has always been the kindhearted one. Declan was the protector, and Connor was the baby. But you, you were a different kind of protector. Where Declan was trying to navigate how to be the responsible one, you were the sheepdog, making sure the flock was safe. You’d take the hit if it meant that they didn’t have to.”
I lean back, not wanting a trip down memory lane but also not stupid enough to stop Sydney. She scares me slightly. “Where are you going with this?”
“It’s still who you are at the very core of you. You’re doing it now without even knowing it. You’re keeping everyone safe, even if it means you’re miserable.”
I glare at her. “Syd, I love you, but you’re so far off base here.”
“Am I? I don’t think so. You’ve never had serious relationships, and not just because of the accident either. And now, you’re lying about your feelings and what you want most in your life to protect Brenna and yourself.”
“I’m not lying. In fact, I’m being so fucking honest it’s ridiculous.”
Not once have I lied to Brenna. I’ve told her how it is even when I wanted to lie to myself and believe it could be more. The dinner at her house changed the dynamic between us. We weren’t talking about movies and stupid shit. She opened up in a way that was far more than I ever expected. We went from being two people hooking up to something more. Whether we meant it to happen or not.
“Maybe you think that. Maybe you don’t really love Brenna. Maybe you do. I see the way you look at her when you don’t think anyone is watching. I know that the two of you are in a world of trouble because I’m pretty sure she loves you too.”
I open my mouth to rebuke her statement, but she puts her hand up.
“Don’t argue with me. I know women, and I know when someone is lying. You know it as surely as you know that she’s not just this random hookup you’re trying to pretend she is. No matter what, I worry about you, Jacob.”
I give Syd that smile that’s worked for me for years. “The only thing to worry about is when you’ll finally be able to make some money off the portion of my land.”
She sighs, looks over at the kitchen door, and then turns back to me. “You’re still going to sell your part?”
Oh, not her too. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because your mother wouldn’t want you to.”
The blow comes like a fist to the gut. Sydney has never been one to hold back, but that was low, even for her. My mother is the only thing that would stop me from selling, and I think she knows that.
“My mother is gone, as you so clearly pointed out.”
“Yes, she is.” Her hand grips my wrist. “She’s gone, but the land and the farm lives on. I know that you four all think of it as your father’s farm, but maybe that’s where it all went wrong. It was your mother’s farm. Her heart and soul went into this place. She raised her four wonderful sons here. Sure, your dad tarnished it as much as he could, but she’s still here, Jacob. You know, I always thought your mother was the most brilliant woman in the world. She gave you all this key to living.”
“What are you talking about?”
Sydney sighs. “The truth about an arrow. Sure, you all bitched when she forced you to say it, but look at how absolutely incredible your sayings were. You were kids when she saw your flaws and gave you all the words and advice you needed to survive life.”
“I don’t even know what the fuck mine means!”
She leans back in her chair and takes a beat. “Removing half the feather creates the curve. The answer is right there, Jacob.”
“Women make this shit complicated. What curve? What feathers? Remove what? It was my mother’s way of torturing her boys and then making it seem like wisdom. You know what curve I got? A right hook or an upper cut from the man she married. Or maybe it was when she died and left us in the hands of a man who would rather we had died instead of her.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you.” Sydney’s lip trembles, and I feel like an ass.
“No, please don’t apologize. It’s me who needs to say it to you. I’m just pissed off, and you don’t deserve my being a dick. There’s a lot on my mind, and . . . I need to go for a walk.”
Her smile is soft and understanding. “I figured you might.”
I lean down and kiss her cheek. “I’m sorry, Syd. You know I love you.”
She gets to her feet and winks. “I know. I love you too. Go see your mom.”
On the walk out to the gravesite, I think through what Sydney said. Would my mother feel this way? Would she want me to stay here or keep the land even if I never come back to it? I’d like to think her heart would want whatever made me happy, but what the hell do I know? I was a kid when I lost her. I’ve spent more of my life without her than with.
When I get to the small fence that surrounds her headstone, I see my brother get to his feet.
“Hey, Jacob,” Sean says as he walks toward me.
“I didn’t know you were out here.”
He looks back at the flowers lying on the ground. “I come every now and then. Usually when there’s something on my mind.”
“What brought you out today?”
Sean claps me on the shoulder with a smile. “Devney’s pregnant.”
My sour mood evaporates and I grin. “Really? That’s amazing.”
“Yeah. It is, but I’m scared as fuck.”
I laugh and roll my eyes. “You’re already a great father to Austin. Plus, if any of us should have kids, it’s you.”
“It’s different. Like, this is half of me.”
“That’s sort of the way it works. How far along is she?”
“She was pregnant at the wedding.”
“I thought she was glowing,” I comment.
Sean sighs and then looks back. “I can’t help but wonder what Mom would think of all this. Three of us having kids, settling down, and living on the farm.”
“Did you and Sydney talk before this?”
“What?” The confusion on his face lets me know they didn’t.
“Nothing. Forget I said anything.”
“Okay, I usually do that anyway.”
I shove him, and he chuckles. “I’m just saying that I came out here to tell her, and then . . . I don’t know. I can’t help but think about her.”
“I know what you mean. Syd said some stuff about how Mom would want me to keep my land.”
His brows raise. “Really. And?”