I glance from face to face. “You seen Rivers around?”
“He left for the day. Schedule changes have us all messed up. He’s night shift now.”
I feel like an ass for losing touch for so long. I’ve been living in my own bubble since July and I haven’t even bothered to check up on anyone.
“Jacobs has been expecting you. I think he’s in the communication room,” Matthews says before he walks away.
As soon as I open the door to the communication room, confusion sweeps through me. “What’s all this?” I chuckle, looking at the dozen people including all of my closest coworkers. Rivers is here, Sergeant Jacobs, and even Captain Riggs.
Jacobs steps forward with a smile on his face. “Welcome back, Private Whitmore. It’s my great privilege to present to you this Medal of Honor for your sacrifice, keen eye, and quick thinking.” He ropes a blue ribbon around my neck with a brass, star-shaped medal attached to it.
I tip my chin up. “I’m confused. I did no such thing.”
Pretty damn sure I’d remember if I did anything that merited a Medal of Honor.
“That man you took out on the twenty-second of July was Abdul Antar, leader of the Antiqam Initiative. After his death, it was discovered that he was planning an attack on the Lincoln Memorial on August third. You, my good friend, prevented a terrorist attack on our nation that day.”
Thinking through the words he just said, I’m unsure if I heard correctly. “Wait. What?”
Captain Riggs steps forward. “Antar was recruiting that morning. Watching from afar as his men carried out a mission. When his left-hand man was hit, he opened fire. That’s when you stepped in, sought him out, and ended his madness. Ultimately, saving hundreds of lives that he planned to take just days later.”
“You’re forgetting that Jones lost his life that day because I turned a blind eye just to take down this Abdul Antar.” I take the ribbon in both hands and lift it over my head, handing it back to Jacobs. “I don’t deserve this.”
I turn to walk away, but Captain Riggs speaks up, “As unfortunate as it is that Jones was a casualty, sometimes one person must die so another can live.”
I turn back around slowly.
“In this case, it was many lives. Jones gave his life for all of those people who would have lost theirs at the Lincoln Memorial. For that, he is also a hero.” His steps bring him face-to-face with me as the others stand by and watch idly. He places the ribbon back around my neck. “You earned this, Private Whitmore, whether you want to believe it or not. Allow yourself to accept it and acknowledge that you are in fact as worthy to wear this medal as you are to wear that suit.” He extends his hand to me.
Looking down at it for a moment, I return the gesture, giving his hand a firm shake. “Thank you, Captain.”
Everyone gives their congratulations and we stand around talking for a few minutes before the boss puts us back to work.
I can’t get the words out of my head that Jacobs shared with me. Sometimes one person must die so another can live.
Rowan surfaces in my mind. She was in a dark place when Gemma died. Prepared to end her life in the same way Gemma ended hers. Only Gemma acted first, opening Rowan’s eyes to a new life.
Gemma died so Rowan could live.
Chapter Seventeen
Rowan
April 13, 2019
We are doing it! We’re getting married. Nash got down on one knee today and asked me to be his wife. It was an easy YES. This man is everything I have ever wanted in my life. He’s charming, kind, romantic, and, as I’ve mentioned before, probably the sexiest man I have ever laid eyes on. I’m not sure what he sees in me, but it must be something I don’t know about.
I talked to Rowan today. It doesn’t sound like she will be coming home for the wedding. She didn’t seem like herself. There was a calm in her voice and she wasn’t her talkative self. Part of me feels guilt for living out her dreams. While the other part of me feels envy that she’s living out mine. Who would have thought that Rowan would be the world traveler and I’d be the one settling down? Not me. In any case, marrying Nash is the right thing to do. He is my safety net, my security blanket, the only person who keeps me going each day. Things are going to get better. I’m going to get better.
Xo Gemma
Oh, Gemma, we should have been taking on this world together this whole time. I should have never left you after graduation. We could have fought these demons together.
Aunt Lori pokes her head in the door and says something, but I don’t catch it in time. “What?” I lift my head up from the journal.
Slow and steady steps lead her over to the bed where I’m lying on my stomach reading. Just like I have been for the past week. “I asked what month you are on.”
“April. This girl had way too much time on her hands.” We both laugh. “I still don’t understand why this was so important and why Dr. Harris said that it had answers. I have nothing but more questions.”
“Keep reading, darling.”
“You know, you keep saying that and it’s only confusing me more. Do you know something?” Closing the journal, I scoot onto my butt and cross my legs in front of me.
Aunt Lori takes a seat on the edge of the bed. “Have you talked to him?”
I don’t have to ask who. I know exactly who she is talking about. “No, I haven’t talked to Nash.”
Sadness wraps around my heart, squeezing it tight. I didn’t think it would be this hard, but I miss him so much. It also aches me to the core that he didn’t even care enough to say goodbye. I was expendable to him. Just a girl who walked into his life and walked out without even leaving an imprint on his heart. I really thought I was worth more than that to him. Boy, was I a fool.
“You should call him. See how he’s doing.”
An uncontrolled laugh escapes. “Yeah, right. I’m the last person Nash wants to talk to, and to be honest, I’m not so sure I want to talk to him.”
“He’s hurting, honey. He’s dealt with a lot this year. A new marriage, deployment, the loss of his wife—finding you. He doesn’t know how to handle all of this.”
“I’m sure he’s handling his feelings just fine. By handling, I mean drinking until he’s numb to emotion.”
“But he didn’t drink like that when you were there, did he?”
“All right, what are you getting at, Aunt Lori? I’m so tired of everyone beating around the bush. First that doctor, then Gemma in her letters, and now you. If you’re implying that Nash has feelings for me, you’re wrong. I’m here, aren’t I? He didn’t try to stop me.”
“Maybe.” She has that sheepish grin again. “Or maybe he doesn’t just have feelings for you. Maybe he’s in love with you and it scares him.”
Reaching over, I grab a throw pillow and toss it at her. “All right, get out of here. I need to keep reading.”
Chuckling, she gets up and heads for the door, but stops. “If you love someone, set them free. Isn’t that how the saying goes?” She winks before exiting and closing the door behind her.
Aunt Lori should be talking me out of this nonsense. Instead, I get the feeling that she is trying to push us together. When I told her, very vaguely, that Nash and I had a connection, she did the exact opposite of what I expected. She actually smiled and asked for details—details I did not divulge. There was no lecture about how he belonged to Gemma. No plan to flush my feelings out of my system. She encouraged me to tell him how I felt and said I might be surprised to find that he feels the same way. Yet, she hasn’t spoken to Nash in months, so why she thinks this way has me completely dumbfounded.