“Oh. My. God.”
My head snaps to the right to find Meara sitting in a corner chair, mouth agape, eyes wide.
“Shit,” I mutter under my breath and turn back to Charlotte. “You okay?”
Her frantic nodding makes me laugh, and I give her a final chaste kiss. I pull her up with me and plop on the couch, making her sit on my lap to hide my rock hard dick from Meara.
“That was so hot. If you weren’t my cousin…”
“Ew. Meara, you’re disgusting.” Charlotte’s cheeks are pink, but I can’t tell if it’s from being turned on or from embarrassment.
“On that note, I’m outta here. Peace out, bitch. Bye, Travis.” She waves and practically runs away. After the door slams, we both burst out laughing.
“I brought you food, but from the looks of it, you already ate.” Empty Chinese food containers litter her coffee table, along with a couple empty cartons of Ben and Jerry’s.
“Yeah. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I’ll put it in the fridge real quick. You sure you’re alright? I wasn’t planning that, but your hair.” I run my fingers through the ends. “And you look hot with your skimpy outfit.”
“This isn’t skimpy.”
“Char. It’s tight. I can see every one of your delicious curves.” I blatantly check her out, and she smacks my shoulder.
“Stop. I’m fine. I didn’t expect that, either. I don’t want us to be about sex.”
“Me, either. We need to get back where we used to be. I’ll be right back.”
I take out the bacon, eggs, and orange juice and put them in the fridge. The pancake mix I leave in the bag but grab the movie and walk back in the living room. I hold up the movie, and her laughter fills the room.
“Really?!”
“Yup, I know you like Dirty Dancing, but I couldn’t find that, so I figured this was the next best thing.” I put the DVD in and sit down next to her, relieved when she immediately leans into me. I skip through the previews, and watch as Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights illuminates the screen.
Chapter 12
Charlotte
AS IF A SLEDGE hammer were in my chest, my heart pounds when Travis grabs and kisses me… slow and hard. The sting from him tugging my hair morphs my initial shock into fear. Undesired feelings toward the man who always made me feel safe have me clawing, grabbing, and trying to reach my way back to normalcy with him. My mind catches up with my body when his heavy weight lands on top of me.
Like water and oil, my feelings quickly separate, and I remember Travis. The man who I fell in love with four years ago. The man who would never hurt me. And, in an instant, I know I’m safe again.
It’s both a blessing and a curse Meara was here. I probably would have gone farther, even though I know it’s not a good idea. He needs to know. Once I tell him, if he’s not too disgusted with me, then maybe things can progress physically. Though, I don’t think I’ll be ready for a long time. What kind of person freaks out over a kiss? I can’t imagine how I would react if we did more.
Shaking off the negative thoughts, I cuddle up and enjoy him as I used to. Being together was always enough, and right now, that’s exactly what I need. His strong arms hold me, the subtle scent of his cologne comforts me, and I fall asleep.
Twice in as many days, I wake to Travis’ voice.
“Hey, sweetheart. Let’s get you to bed.”
“Ugh.” Rolling my neck to get the kink out, I push off him and sit up. “I can’t believe I fell asleep. To be fair, that movie was awful. Did you fall asleep, too?”
A very faint hint of pink appears on his neck, and he quickly looks down.
“Oh, my God! You liked it!”
“No, I didn’t,” he snaps back.
“Yes. You did. Big, tough Travis likes Havana Nights. Tell me, does this replace Backdraft?” I tease.
He leans toward me, and I melt back into the couch until he’s only inches away. “You making fun of me?” He jokes with a sexy, husky voice. He grabs my legs and shifts them so they rest on either side of his hips. Leaning further, his core presses against mine, and I gasp at the pressure. I can feel him, hot and hard, through my pants, and it’s taking everything in me to keep still.
“No. Not making fun,” I whisper.
“You’re not?” He tilts his head, looking at my eyes, and rubs his hardness against me again a couple of times.
I can’t respond verbally but shake my head. He gently pushes the hair off my face and runs his nose along my cheek. I shudder when his warm breath surrounds my ear.
“That’s too bad. I was looking forward to punishing you.”
He smiles against the side of my head, and I know he’s just messing around, but with those words, I freeze. I’m assaulted with visions of being bent over Todd’s knee, his palm against my sore backside. I thought it was fun. The sting turned me on, it made me push the envelope. I purposely said things to get spanked. ‘Naughty girl,’ he’d say. ‘You really want to get punished tonight, don’t you?’ Over and over again, he would spank me. Sometimes I could hardly sit the next day.
“Charlotte, what the fuck?” Travis’ sharp words snap me out of the trance I’m in. I look up and see my hands digging into his arms, blood forming where my nails squeeze his flesh.
“Oh, my God! I’m so sorry!” As fast as I can, I remove my hands.
“You’ve gotta talk to me, Char. I don’t know what the hell is going on with you, but I feel like you’re gonna break. Like I can’t touch you. You have this look in your eye. I know it’s been a while, but shit, the way you make me feel.”
I choke back a sob as I listen to him say it out loud. It gives me hope for the first time in a long time, that I have a future, a chance at happiness.
He gets up from the couch and pleads with me, “You want me to stay away? ‘Cause I will. It’ll fuckin kill me to walk away from you again, but I’ll do it, if that’s what you need.”
He’s pacing and running his hands through his hair, much like he did when he told me about his past. My heart breaks because I can’t… I’m not ready. I know when I tell him, he’s not going to see me as the same strong person. I’ll be weak, a stupid girl who stayed in an abusive, controlling relationship for years.
I can finally admit what it was. It took me way too long, but to be able to actually acknowledge the truth, that I was in an abusive relationship, makes me feel indifferent. I thought having a reason for allowing myself to be treated that way would give me a sense of peace, but it doesn’t really change anything. I was stupid. That’s all it comes down to.
“N-no.”
Stopping dead in his tracks, the hurt in his voice doesn’t match the anger in his eyes. “No, I can’t touch you?”
“Yes. I mean no. I don’t want you to walk away. God, Travis…” Words die on my tongue while I try to figure out how to express the plethora of emotions I’m feeling.
“What do you need from me, Char?” He sinks to his knees in front of me and grasps my hands in his calloused ones. “I’ll do whatever you need. It physically hurts me to see you like this, with tears in your eyes, looking afraid. I feel helpless, and I can’t fucking stand that feeling, Char. You know this.” He’s begging me, and it’s tearing me apart to know I’m causing it.