“Last winter, my best friend’s brother scored me a waitressing job at some high-class fundraiser. They gave me this fancy uniform, tie included, so I looked at some YouTube tutorials.”
“Of course you did.” Is there anything this girl can’t do? Seriously. “C’mon. We have to grab Jade.”
Losing Mom has hit me hard, but it devastated Jade. She’s been closed off in her room, refusing to leave it. Yasmin managed to talk to her a couple of times and forced her to eat something, but for the most part, she stayed inside, crying her eyes out.
I felt completely powerless, not knowing what to do to make it better. Was there even a way? If there was, I could use it myself. I’d find a way to deal with it, somehow, some way. But Jade… she’s just a teenage girl who lost her mother, and I’m clueless on how to help her.
Yasmin’s fingers wrap around my wrist and pull me to a stop before I can open the door. “Do you want me to get her?”
I look at her for a long moment. It would be so easy to nod and have her handle it. She seems to know better how to take care of my sister than I do, but that isn’t the answer.
“No.” I shake my head. “I’ll get her. Meet you downstairs?”
Yasmin’s thumb brushes over the inside of my wrist, the move so soft and tender it sends shivers up my arm.
“Sure.”
Together, we walk into the hallway. I stand still, watching her go, her heels clicking against the hardwood as she descends the stairs. Only when I’m sure Yasmin’s out of reach, do I let my guard down. Tilting my head back, I inhale sharply.
You can do this, Cole.
Crossing the hallway, I stop in front of Jade’s door and knock. The sound echoes through the otherwise empty hallway. It somehow feels quiet, desolate, even with all my friends staying in the house. Like the very soul was sucked out of the place and has gone along with Mom’s spirit. She was the one who made this place home.
I wait a while, but there isn’t an answer.
“Smalls?” I call as I tentatively push the door open and peek inside.
Jade’s standing in front of her dresser, her hands gripping the edge of it as she cries silently.
Entering the room, I go straight to her, wrapping my arms over her trembling shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay.”
“I-it’s not o-okay,” she sobs. “S-she’s g-g-gone.”
Tightening my hold on her, I let her turn around and burrow her head into my shoulder. “I know. I know.”
“I don’t think I can do this. I can’t… Nix, it’s too…”
I take a step back so I can look at her. Her eyes are red-rimmed and puffy, cheeks pale. “We have to do it. For her.”
And I don’t think I can do this without you.
So, so selfish. Even now.
“I’m not sure I’m strong enough.”
My throat bobs as I swallow. Pushing back all the feelings that are swirling inside me, I lock them down tight. Jade needs me. I need to be the strong one. For her. Since I’m the only family she has left.
“That’s why you have me.” I wipe her tears. “We’ll do it together.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” the woman in front of me says, giving my hand a tight squeeze. “Your mom was a wonderful person. She’ll be dearly missed.”
“Thank you,” I say on autopilot. My mouth feels dry from the number of times I’ve said those words by now, the hollow in my chest growing bigger every time I do.
I did my best to detach my mind from my body, knowing it’s the only way I can survive this day, but it wasn’t easy. Jade isn’t much better. Her face is expressionless as she receives the condolences. She’s stopped crying, but looking at her like this, I’m not really sure that’s a good thing. When she was crying, I knew she felt something, while now she just looks like an empty shell.
The woman moves down the line while another one appears in front of me. It seems like we’ve been at this for hours.
Mom was a well-loved person. All of our neighbors are here, people both me and Jade went to school with, and their parents, our parents’ friends, and even some of our distant relatives came, which is a surprise since we haven’t been close to any of them.
Yasmin sucks in a breath that has me lifting my head to see what has upset her.
When we came to the church all of my friends took the first row in a show of support. Except for Jade, they are now the only real family I have left. But I couldn’t let go of Yasmin, so I tugged her after me, holding on to her hand the whole time. My palm is sweaty, and I stopped counting the number of times people gave her a curious look, but not once did she complain or ask to leave, and I was grateful for that.
It doesn’t take me long to realize what caused her reaction. On the other side of the room, Coach is standing by the door, staring directly at us while my teammates are slowly coming in. His eyes are locked with Yasmin’s for what seems like an eternity, different expressions passing over his face, before he schools his features in a cool and composed mask I know all too well.
I tighten my grip on her hand. “Did you call him?”
It’s something she’d do for me. Something she has already done for her mother. Because Yasmin is selfless like that, always putting other people before herself.
Yasmin shakes her head no. “It wasn’t me.”
Then it must have been Hayden, not like it matters. They’re here now. One by one, my teammates come down the aisle to the front, shaking my hand and offering me their condolences.
“I’m so sorry, Nix.” Prescott pulls me into a one-armed hug, slapping my shoulders. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Thanks. It just wasn’t the right time and…” I shrug, not really knowing what to say; it all seems so pointless now.
“There is never a right time, but we’re family, Nix.” He shakes his head at me, and I can see that he’s really upset by the whole thing. “We have your back no matter what, field or no field.”
“I know you do. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything.”
“Just pick up the damn phone if you need anything, got it?”
“Got it.”
With another slap on my shoulder he moves down and joins the rest of the guys who have already taken their seats.
“Cole.”
Slowly, I turn around. “Coach.”
He’s watching Yasmin, who suddenly seems to find her shoes rather interesting. I clear my throat, which snaps his attention back to me. “I’m so sorry about your mother, Nixon.” He offers me his hand for a handshake.
“Thank you, Coach.” I shake his hand. “And thanks for coming.”
“Sure thing. If there’s anything we can do to help, you let us know, you hear me?”
“Yes, sir.”
He nods and gives another look to Yasmin before rather reluctantly walking away.
“Are you okay? If this…” But I don’t get to finish because just at that moment the priest decides to come.
“Son, are you ready to begin?”
A lump the size of a football appears in my throat. My palms turn so sweaty with nerves I have to rub them against the side of my legs.