In the aftermath of their lovemaking, they laid exhausted on her bed, his arm flung over her stomach and her lying on her back, gasping for breath.
"Well, this beats planning a wedding, doesn't it?" he asked teasingly.
She laughed weakly in response. Laying there, spent and content, it was easy for all the things that had been nagging at her to disappear. Life with Luke felt so incredibly right.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
She
T he mountains once again helped her regain some semblance of peace. The only place available on such short notice was a second-rate motel on the main street, but even that overlooked the majestic peaks. She had only to look out her motel window to take them in.
When she arrived, she was exhausted from her day and the hours-long drive. She bought a salad at a fast-food restaurant and brought it back to her room to eat while looking out the window. She went to bed shortly after but slept fitfully most of the night.
The next morning, she awoke early and packed up her hiking boots and bear spray. Stopping by Denny's, she picked up a bite to eat and read the morning paper. As she finished her cup of coffee, she looked around the restaurant. There were older couples, some families, and some young couples. She noticed that the older couples seemed more interested in the meal set before them than with each other. The families appeared to be having anything but a relaxing time, and she smiled at the memories they brought back. She recalled when the boys were young, and they'd decided to take them on holiday. There was always drama over where they ate when they woke up, and who got which bed. Somehow the family trips had always seemed like a better idea in the abstract than in reality.
The young couples looked entirely into each other -giggling over jokes only they would understand and exchanging knowing looks over their coffee cups.
She felt a streak of pain go through her, as the breakdown of her marriage had hit her anew. Was she destined to be alone forever? She remembered what it was like to be single and she didn't want to go there again. But there was no way she could stay in a marriage that made her feel so insignificant and rejected. It was as though any ounce of self-respect and self-esteem was being sucked from her, bit by bit. At some point, there would be nothing left.
As much as she hated to admit it, she was also embarrassed to have to tell her friends and family. It was one thing to be divorced once, but twice? Once you could blame on the situation or the other person, but twice? That meant you needed to start looking at yourself, she reasoned; either at how you handled relationships, or how you picked your partner. She knew deep down that those who knew her well wouldn't judge her, but she couldn't help feeling that somehow, she was defective in a fundamental way.
Chapter Thirty – Nine
Olivia
O livia was doing up her running shoes, preparing to go for a run when her phone rang.
"Hi, Olivia," Luke greeted her.
"Hi, Hon," she responded.
"Look, I'm running a bit late right now, if you want to go ahead and do your run without me, I'll understand."
"How long will you be?" she asked.
"About an hour and a half," he answered. "I'm tied up here at work."
"I didn't know you had to work this weekend," she said. "How about I come to your place so we can go for a run as soon as you are home?"
"Sounds good, see you there at around one," he confirmed.
She thought it was a bit odd that he was working on a Saturday morning, but she was looking forward to having an extra hour or so to tidy up her house. Dating Luke had not been great for the cleanliness of her house, she noted.
An hour later, she was on the road to his house, a change of clothes and her running bag in the seat next to her. She pulled up on his driveway and picked up her bag. Grabbing the spare key from under the welcome mat, she let herself into the house.
Heading towards the bathroom, she noticed that he seemed to have purchased new scented candles that were perched on the pony wall between the kitchen and living room. Odd, she thought briefly, most men aren't into buying scented candles. She used the washroom and sat in the living room and waited for him to come home.
It was two hours after she last talked to him that he showed up. He walked to his room to change and she followed him into the bedroom. As he pulled his jeans off, she couldn't help but notice how absolutely perfectly his body was formed. His boxer briefs showed off his legs and the perfect roundness of his ass.
"What are you staring at?" he teased, breaking her out of her reverie.
"Nothing, just wondering when you'll finally be ready," she shot back. "I'll wait for you at the door."
She could hear him laughing as she walked down the hallway.
They began their run at a nice slow pace, warming their muscles up and easing into the exercise. By the middle of the run, they were going as fast as they knew was optimal to maintain a steady pace back to his house.
They didn't talk much on the run, except to point as they changed direction or to warn the other one that a bike was coming up behind them. Olivia felt it was a companionable silence, one that existed between two people who didn't need to fill in every moment of silence with chatter.
They made it back to his house in good time and were stretching when she asked him what his plans were for the evening.
"I don't know, probably hang around here, get some things done."
"Oh, okay," she said. "Are you planning to come to my place at all today?"
"Um, no, I don't think so," he responded, not meeting her eyes.
A feeling of unease passed over Olivia. She wasn't sure whether she should press him to find out if something was wrong, or if she should just leave it.
"Okay," she agreed. "Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah, I'll let you know tomorrow if I'm coming over."
It was Saturday night, so she was a bit surprised he didn't plan to spend it with her and to make it sound like Sunday wasn't a given either caused her more than a little surprise.
"I don't understand," she said, a confused look on her face.
"I just," he seemed unsure how to express himself. "I just think I would, you know, like a bit of time to myself."
"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Well, of course, if you need a couple of days to yourself, all you need to do is say so."
"Well, it's not just that," he continued hesitantly. "It's just, I've been feeling a bit closed in lately."
"Closed in?" she asked.
"Yes, we rushed into this relationship so fast that I feel like I need to step back," he stated.
"Step back? What does that mean?" she asked.
"I just don't know if this is working for me," he admitted.
"Working for you?" she repeated.
"Yes, I mean, doesn't it seem like we spend an awful lot of time together? Don't you ever feel, you know, a bit suffocated?" he spilled out in a rush.
"Um.. well, yes we do," Olivia said, unable to fully comprehend what was happening. "But that's a pace you've pushed, right from the start."
"Yes, but now I just feel like it's too much too soon," he was speaking quietly, not meeting her eyes.