Chapter Forty - Two
She
S he slept in the next day and woke up bleary-eyed and lethargic. She couldn't seem to shake the sick feeling rolling around in the pit of her stomach. So much water was under the bridge, and she knew it was for the best that it was over, but that didn't keep the tears at bay, and it didn't make her feel positive about her life.
She knew money wouldn't be a big issue; she made a decent salary and could take care of herself. There was no real reason for there to be a big fight over money as they were pretty much peers in that regard. Indeed, no one would be looking for support of any kind as they didn't have children together.
She tried to reason herself into a better mood by reminding herself that not much would change. Her husband never socialized with her co-workers, so that wouldn't be different, and he didn't have any friends that she would miss either.
When they married, they had blended their households, including furniture, so they would just take away what they had brought with them. At least, she hoped so. She felt so drained and empty, she didn't think she had anything left in her for a fight of any kind.
After getting up to use the washroom, she rummaged around in her bag and pulled out a novel she had wanted to read for the last several months. There was no point in hurrying home, so she might as well try to relax and lose herself in someone else's story. The novel was a thriller, and she was soon engrossed in the plotline. She surprised herself when she finally looked up and realized it was almost noon. It had been easier losing herself in the book than she had anticipated, and she already felt better for it.
Jumping out of bed, she quickly showered and threw her clothes back in the bag. She shoved her book into her purse and left her room. Heading towards the main street, she stopped in at a coffee shop, purchasing a latte and a scone for lunch. She sat in a corner, alternating between munching on her scone, reading a few lines of her book, and people-watching.
She began to wonder about the emotional landscape of the people around her. Was that man sitting by himself in the back suffering from a marriage breakdown too? And what about that couple, snuggling together on the side – were they as blissfully happy as they appeared? Or did they harbor deep, dark concerns that they pushed to the side whenever they threatened to surface, intruding on the life they hoped they were having?
She knew there was a time when that had been her. Smiling, and loving, and pushing things aside. The good had seemed to outweigh the bad for so long, that it had been easy to choose not to look too closely at the bad. Until the scales tipped.
The thing was, she could have understood if the scales had slowly tipped in one direction, but it seemed as though they were tipping back and forth erratically, with no notice.
Chapter Forty-Three
Olivia
S o, did he tell you why?" April asked. Her friends were shocked by the news that their friend was back with Luke so quickly. They had come over to her house to sip on some wine and get the low-down.
"He said he doesn't know exactly what happened, just that he got cold feet and felt like things were moving too fast," Olivia relayed what Luke had told her
"And that's okay with you?" Terri asked incredulously.
"Of course, it isn't okay with me, but it isn't for me to say what someone else should be feeling," Olivia tried to explain.
"I get that, but I'm worried about you," Terri insisted. "You were so heartbroken, and I don't want to see you get hurt."
"I know, but we have put this behind us," Olivia responded.
"I still don't get how he could have felt like things were moving too fast for him when he was the one pushing things along," April stated, with a shake of the head.
"I think he just got swept up in the momentum of everything," Olivia found herself parroting Luke once again.
"Well, it's obvious that he really loves you," Terri reassured her. "He dotes on you and has since the day you met; I guess it was just something he needed to work through."
"Uh-huh," April grunted in a less than convincing manner.
"You can be skeptical if you want," Olivia said as she reached out to give her friend a hug. "But this has shown me how much I really do love Luke and want to marry him when the time is right for both of us."
"Just be careful, okay?" April asked.
"You know I will," Olivia answered.
Terri picked up the bottle of wine and topped off everyone's glasses. They made a toast to the future and turned their conversation to lighter topics for the rest of the evening. After her friends had left and she was taking the dirty glasses to the kitchen, Olivia reflected on how lucky she was to have such loving and supportive friends. They may not always understand or agree with her, but they were there for her no matter what.
The phone rang just as she was turning out the lights, and it brought a smile to her face. She and Luke had decided that, in the interest of slowing things down, they would not see each other tonight, but she knew that would be him, phoning to see how her evening had gone.
"Hello," she chirped.
"Hi," he responded. "Did you have a nice evening?"
"I did," she answered. "We drank wine and chatted for hours."
"Nice," he said. "Do they hate me now?"
"No, they don't hate you," she answered. "They're a bit confused, but they don't hate you."
"Oh," he said. "So, do you want to do something tomorrow night?"
"I'm sorry, I promised the boys I would take them to a movie," she answered, regretfully. "There's that new one that they've wanted to see for a while, and I keep putting it off."
"Okay, I see," he stated quietly. "I'll talk to you later then."
"Wait!" she exclaimed.
"What?"
"Why are you hanging up, are you upset or something?" she asked.
"No, it's all good," he reassured her. "Go and spend time with your boys, family time is important."
"Yes, it is," she agreed. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know, probably just stay home and watch some TV," he said. "But I should get going, I still have some work to do before I hit the hay."
"Okay, well, thank you for calling," she said, a bit uncertainly.
"Goodnight,"
She stood there, staring at the phone as a feeling of dread washed over her. What had just happened? He had asked for more space and to slow things down, and that's what she was trying to do. But he was acting like she was rejecting him. She walked into her living room and looked out the curtains into the night. Staring at the stars, she felt frustrated that she couldn't seem to figure out what it was he wanted. Her stomach began to churn with anxiety and the familiar feelings of fear washed over her. One minute he wanted to be closer, the next thing he was acting as though she was crowding him. As she paced around her house, she thought back to their conversation about their relationship. She went over and over what he had said, and tried to get a better understanding of what was happening. Finally, she threw down the phone in frustration and went to her bedroom to get ready for bed.