“Still okay?” I slid two fingers in and out of him.
“It—it’s good.” He swallowed hard. “Keep going.”
I gave his nipple a bite and a lick, which made him arch up while I added more lube to my fingers and opened him slowly, precisely, watching how he was taking it. “Like that?”
“Yeah.” He panted. “Do more.”
I inched third finger inside him and nibbled at his nipples. I found his sweet spot and watched each sensation pass over his expressive features.
Over the course of several minutes, he went from biting his lip to slack jawed with lust. He shut his eyes and arched, hips jutting up to make me do it again and again.
“There.” He writhed. “Oh God, Luke. Right there.”
My dick was so hard it hurt. “Ready for me, sweetheart?”
“Mm. Yeah.” He dug his hands in his own hair. “Fuck yeah.”
I slipped on a condom and slicked up with more lube. If anything shared space in my brain with fucking Thuong, it was making this so good for him he’d never walk away, despite how hopeless a cause that was. We’d agreed. We were running out the clock. This might be my only chance with him, and I wanted nothing more than to please him, to love him the only way he’d let me for right now.
I gave his half-hard cock a couple of swipes with enough lube to ease the friction between us, caught his legs in the crooks of my elbows, and positioned myself at his entrance. Poised like that, I bit and kissed whatever skin I could reach to saturate him with so much sensation that the pinch and burn of penetration, if any, took a back seat to pleasure. He wrapped an arm around my neck and clung to me as I worked my way slowly inside his body.
“Oh,” his eyes widened. “Oh God.”
His hips shot up, and just like that, I was seated balls deep and he was grinding his lube-slick cock against my belly.
“Mnph.” He gave an inarticulate cry. “More.”
I pulled out and shoved in again. And again.
Thuong.
This is Thuong.
The addict. The boy who lived. The man who‘s prepared to walk away.
It was that last one that made me take my time. If this was all I was going to have of Thuong—if these few minutes we had left together were the end of our story—I wanted to make every second count. Memorize every detail. Brand myself on his body.
I pumped slowly inside him, using at least as much effort to worship the rest of him. I left reverent kisses over his face and neck. I whispered words I couldn’t hold back, endearments and encouragement, and I said his name—his real name—over and over until it was the soundtrack of our lovemaking.
And it was lovemaking. As much as I could, I tried to convey with my body what would have been impossible with words.
I am here. I am yours. I’ll carry you with me from now on.
Your trust means more to me than you will ever know.
Though he wasn’t fully hard, at some point I felt him tense and quake beneath me.
“Oh God, Luke. Yes. There. Right fucking there.” The sensual sounds he couldn’t keep inside sizzled along every nerve ending in my body and went straight to my heart.
His moan sparked a fuse inside me. My whole body caught fire. I couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t get deep enough, and then I succumbed to the most inevitable orgasm of my life.
Waves of pleasure went on and on. I shivered all over, clutching him to me like my life depended on merging our bodies into one single being. A last burst of white-hot ecstasy rocked through me. The world fell away.
When I came back to my senses, Thuong cradled me in his arms. His legs had fallen open, bracketing my hips. We were still joined.
“Oh, Jesus. Luke…” He stroked my hair. “That was…”
“You okay?” I slipped a hand between us and pulled out gently.
A lazy smile blossomed over his lips. “You have to ask?”
I laid my cheek on his chest. “I need you to be okay. I need to hear you say the words.”
“That was perfect.” He curled his fingers through my hair. “You were perfect.”
“Have you checked the time?”
His hands stilled. “We should go in ten minutes.”
“You can take a quick shower.”
“Okay.” He rolled me off him. “Join me?”
“I—” I hesitated. “I don’t think that would end with you getting back on time.”
His expression tightened. “You’re probably right.”
While he took the world’s fastest shower, I tossed the condom and cleaned up with wipes from my dopp kit. He returned to the room with only a towel wrapped around his hips, and I thought I’d lose my resolve. Instead, I thought about what he’d said. I’d made him feel good. He’d enjoyed being with me.
I’d reset something inside him.
I wouldn’t ask for more and take the chance of ruining the memory of what we had.
We slipped on our clothes and shoes in silence.
“Fifteen minutes to spare,” he said. “It will only take five to get back.”
I grabbed my wallet, car keys, and key card.
“This isn’t forever, right?” Desperation made me sound so goddamn needy.
“I don’t know the answer to that.” He caught my hand as we left the cocoon we’d created together. “It doesn’t mean I don’t wish things could be different.”
“I know.” Talking about this was unbearable. He tugged me to a halt on the gallery to the stairs and took my other hand. We laced our fingers together.
“I need you to believe in me.” He stared intently into my eyes. “You of all people. I need you to believe in me.”
“I do.” Did I? Yes, I believed that Thuong was doing everything he could to fight for a new future. But could I trust an addict—even Thuong—with my heart?
I wished I could have said yes, unqualified, but I couldn’t. And I loved him anyway.
I loved him, and this was breaking my goddamn heart.
We drove to his place. He left the car and walked to the door in plenty of time for curfew.
It was pointless to lie to myself anymore. I loved Thuong Harper, and for his sake I had to leave him alone in Santo Ignacio—the enchanting little town I was also sort of falling for.
Heart sinking, I let my head fall against my headrest.
It was going to be a long drive home.
Chapter Twenty-Three
St. Nacho’s, Day 24
Now that I've been back in the world for a while, I've made some tough choices.
I know how to proceed.
Wanting Luke in my life as soon as possible is a powerful motivator, but there is no guarantee that if I push myself I’ll get past this stage any faster. Candace pretty much administers a smackdown every time I have unreasonable expectations. Especially if she thinks I’m doing something in order to be with Luke, rather than getting free of my past.
She’s right of course, but I hate to admit it.
I have to go slow. I have to do the right thing because that’s what I do now, but sometimes it feels like this is going to take forever.
One day at a time is a cliché for a reason.
Tug
For a couple of weeks, I honored Tug's decision to take things slow. I didn't try to get in touch with him or go behind his back to glean information from Minerva.