“Yeah, it has left me with chronic pain. I deal with it most of the time, but when the job is hard, I suffer more.”
“I hate seeing you in pain.”
I acknowledged her words with a tilt of my head. “I try not to overdo, but at times, I forget. I get into the groove, and it’s not until I stop that I realize how much pain I’m in. I don’t like relying on medication. I’m careful that way.”
“Have you tried massage and reflexology?”
“Um, not really. I disliked being touched too much after the accident. Physio and therapy were enough.”
“I would come with you. My friend is an awesome reflexologist. She would even show me how to do a few things to help you.”
“You’d do that?” I asked, surprised.
“Yes. For you, I would.”
“Then please make an appointment.”
She leaned forward and brushed a kiss to my lips. “Thank you.”
“You’re so easy to please,” I murmured.
She shrugged. “I’ve learned to be grateful for small things. In the end, they make life worth living.”
I mulled over her words. She was right. I had a feeling she was right about a lot of things and was going to teach me.
I cleared my throat, knowing I had to address the issue. “Like I said before, I can’t ever have a child of my own. I can’t ever give you another child. There was too much damage.”
She leaned forward, pressing a kiss to my mouth. “I have Sammy.”
“You should have a whole houseful. You’re an amazing mother.”
She smiled. “Thank you.” Picking up my hand, she played with my fingers.
“Does it make a difference?” I asked, anxious. “If you wanted more kids in the future, I understand.”
She was quiet for a moment. “If you mean, does it change my mind about pursuing something with you, the answer is no.”
I exhaled hard. “Okay.” I linked our hands. “How I feel about you scares me at times, Liv.”
“Me too.”
“I still want to explore this with you.”
She sighed, the sound low and shaky. “I do as well. I worry about Sammy, though. She gets attached fast.”
I lifted her chin, meeting her gentle gaze.
“I’m getting attached to both of you. You need to know that. You need to know how big that is for me since I didn’t think I would ever allow myself to feel something for a woman again. I agree with you—we need to take this slow.” I studied her expression. “For all of us.”
“Yes,” she responded. “Slow is good for me.”
Her voice became vulnerable, her expression pleading. “The last two people I trusted turned out not to be the people I thought they were. They let me down. They let Sammy down. Don’t hurt us, Van. Please.”
I pressed my mouth to hers. “I won’t, baby.”
Van
Leaving Liv the night before had been hard, but I was determined to stick to my word. I arrived at the club Saturday feeling exhilarated. She would be there again tonight, and I planned on taking her to my favorite all-night diner after we were done for a late-night/early morning breakfast, then spending some more time with her.
Talking to her the night before had been cathartic. A release of sorts. I had never told another person my past. But Liv was different. She had been hurt by people she trusted, so she understood my pain. She could identify with the wariness of trusting someone else.
Yet, we both felt the pull toward each other. The firm belief that this was different. We were different. Her company eased me. Spending time with her and Mouse was effortless. I wanted to get to know both of them more. And for them to get to know me.
Liv had asked me some direct questions, all of which I thought about before answering.
“Sammy is my number one priority,” she said. “Always. Can you deal with that?”
“Yes. It’s one of the things I admire about you, Liv. You’re an amazing mother. I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.”
She hesitated. “The fact that she isn’t yours—does it give you pause?”
I shook my head. “Love doesn’t have boundaries, Liv. Simply because I’m not her biological father doesn’t mean I can’t love her.”
“Is she part of the draw? I mean, do you need to fill that void in your life, and she fits the bill?”
I mulled over her words, trying to find the right response.
“First and foremost, neither of you are simply filling a void. The fact is, I was always attracted to you. I only hesitated because of my own issues and doubts. Discovering you had a child didn’t scare me away. Seeing you with her only cemented the attraction. To me, Mouse is a bonus. I get two of you.” I sucked in a deep breath. “I’m prepared for the responsibility that comes with being involved with a single mother. I’m not in this for the short term.”
Her cheeks colored. “All right, then.”
“What about you? Can you trust me enough to let me into your life—into both of your lives?”
“I want to try.” She slid her hand into mine. “Like you, trust doesn’t usually come easy for me, but with you, it feels…right.”
I squeezed her fingers. “Yeah, it does. Like a puzzle piece, right?”
“Yes.”
I asked her a direct question which simmered below every thought I had about a future with her.
“And the fact that I can never give you another child? You must have some concerns on that subject.”
Her reply was prompt. “Sammy is more than I ever dreamed I would have.”
“You’re still young. You might want another child.”
She lifted my hand, studying the calluses left by hard work. “Do you know Reid’s story?”
“Yeah. He told me his past, or at least the gist of it. He went through a lot as a kid.”
She continued. “There are hundreds, thousands of kids like him, Van. Kids who need a family—someone to love them. If at some point, I decided I wanted another child, and we were together, how would you feel about loving one of those kids?” She paused. “Or a few of them if that was how it worked out? We could make our own family by loving a child no one else did. Love without boundaries, I think you said.”
My answer had been to tug her into my arms and kiss her until she was a mass of need and want under me. It had taken everything in me not to have her right then and there.
Her words gave me something I hadn’t felt in years.
Hope.
Hope for a future.
Mark walked into the dressing room at the club and flung himself into a chair beside me. We were all laid-back and wore our street clothes, so the dressing room was really the place we came together to chill before the gig and discuss any changes or ideas we had.
But tonight, he looked perturbed.
“What’s going on?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “We got company.”
Andy chuckled beside me, tipping back his chair. “One of your groupies getting too handsy?”
Mark gripped his hair. “Vicky’s in the club.”
A collective groan filled the room. I rested my head on the back of my chair. “I thought she’d finally left town. What is she doing here?”