“I guess, since I don’t get to see the baby.” I pout.
“But you do get to see me,” he offers as if he’s a poor second choice.
“Okay.” I give him a hug and melt into him.
“But I’m not watching Christmas movies,” he says into the top of my head as he places his lips there.
“Fine.”
He squeezes once more and steps back. “And I won’t lie, I’m excited your sister isn’t in your bed now.” He winks and walks away. Leaving me grinning like a prize idiot. Since we started having sex, it’s really all I think about.
I close the door and immediately get back to stressing about Liz’s scheduled C-section. Romeo rubs himself on my ankles so I bend and give him scratches.
My phone vibrates and I dive at the table where it sits. Romeo scatters, scared from the burst of movement from me.
“Ahhh!” I scream as I answer the Facetime from James. “Hi!”
“Hey,” he says. His face if puffy and his eyes are red like he’s been crying. “She’s awesome. She’s totally fine.”
A massive exhale leaves my lips.
“They are waking her up and she’ll be with us soon. Liz is totally okay. They tied her tubes while they were in there. So it took longer.” He moves the phone to a weird glass case. “And this is Lillian Severson Greenwood.” He zooms in on the baby inside. “She’s healthy, seven pounds, all the fingers and toes and good stuff.”
“Oh my God.” I begin to cry and not just because they have named her after me.
“She’s in this case because they’re giving her a minute. Her heart rate was a bit high and it rose when I touched her. So they are resting her in here to make sure she stays calm.” He brings the phone back to himself. “She’s perfect. I wish you could be here.”
“Me too.” I sniffle. “I’m so excited for you guys. She’s lovely.”
“She is.” He starts to cry. “This is hard doing it isolated.” His confession brings more tears to my eyes. “But thanks for getting Sam to stop in. It was nice having someone to talk to.”
“I wish I could be there.”
“Me too.”
“Can you Facetime me when Liz is there? I’d love to see her face,” my voice cracks.
“Of course. You know she will be desperate to talk to you. You’re her best friend.”
We both cry.
“I love you,” I mutter and wipe my face.
“Love you too. I better Facetime the parents and my brother. Talk soon.” He ends the call, leaving me nodding and sobbing. I’m a mess. I text Shawnee that it went well and baby Lillian is stunning.
She sends bouquets and hearts and says she will be here soon. Anthony is dropping her off.
Maybe because it’s a finale of something, the end of Liz’s tumultuous pregnancy, my mind drifts through my previous life-altering months.
November, Liz found out she was pregnant. An accidental baby. She was upset at first but James did all the things that amazing partners do. He convinced her this was a blessing and obviously someone was missing from their family.
December had been a whirlwind before Helen ratted out Rod’s ass and the accident occurred.
I spent January recovering.
February, I got my life partner, Romeo. He lifts his face from where he’s settled in on the window seat. As if he knows I’m thinking about him.
March, Sam and I had crazy sex. That memory makes my cheeks flush with heat.
April was the start of problems, Rod outing me to Sam and Liz’s pregnancy issues.
And now it’s May, six months later, and the landscape of my life couldn’t be more different than it was in November.
An accident.
A separation.
A plague.
A new life.
An old flame.
I’m pretty sure I’m one murder away from being a Shakespeare protagonist.
The scary part is I know exactly which character I would kill off. Six months later and I wouldn’t blink before pointing the finger of death at Rod.
There is something to that old saying about hell hath no fury. I wonder if I will hate him for the rest of my life. It seems like a waste of energy, and yet I have come to the realization that those pain-tinted eyes I saw the world through on Christmas Day, have stuck with me more than I expected. Sam is great and he’s always been built up in my head as the one that got away. But the cold reality is I like hanging out and having sex and being here. I don’t want this relationship to become anything but that. I can’t imagine trusting someone that way again.
I decide, in that moment, maybe I will slow things down with Sam.
Focus on myself.
Move the hell on from the agony of the last year and let go.
Not for Rod or Sam but for me.
Chapter 31
May 13
Shawnee and I pace the dining room of my apartment, circling the table and chairs. It’s bright and sunny and the perfect day to have a baby. If only someone would call us and tell us Liz has had the baby.
The lack of news from James is painful.
My phone vibrates and we both dive at it, but it’s a GIF from my dad about being patient and going crazy.
“Not helpful, Brian,” Shawnee snaps.
I walk to the freezer and pull out one of the cartons of Ben & Jerry’s left over from Liz’s stash. It’s Cherry Garcia, a favorite of mine. I hand Shawnee a spoon and we hover.
“This isn’t Covid safe,” she says as she eats it.
“No. But you drank out of my water bottle yesterday, so I’m assuming if you’re sick, I already am too.”
“Shit, did I?”
“Yeah. We’re not amazing at this.”
“Nope. I don’t think it helps that we have no cases. I’m sort of half respecting it.”
“That’s not safe.”
Our tones have not changed from agonizingly bored throughout the conversation.
“Anthony is better than I am. He called me an ‘old millennial’ and said I was part of the problem.” She laughs.
“Old millennial? Damn.”
“His mom hit him with a wooden spoon. Cracked him right in the arm.” There is mischief in her stare. “She likes me better than him. He argues with everything she says.”
“Yeah, but didn’t you say he and your dad ignored you for two hours straight while they bromanced?”
Shawnee loses the smile. “Wow. You couldn’t let me have that one, huh?”
“Gotta keep you humble. Otherwise, the fame goes right to your head.” I shrug and take more ice cream.
“Whatever. Dick.” She laughs. “Speaking of things that go right to your head, what is going on with you and Sam? I still can’t believe he lives across the hall.”
“Me either. It’s awkward. We had wine that one evening and we flirted a bit and told each other our sad stories, and he accused me of ruining both our lives.” I sigh. “Which is fair. And then I kind of ran out of the apartment, fleeing as it were. And we haven’t run into each other since.”
“I don’t understand why you broke up with him in the first place. Yeah, he was moving away. That sucks. But you could have made it work.” She takes another big bite of ice cream. It’s finally soft enough to properly scoop. “I always thought he was your person. Always.”