The dizzy spell lasts longer than I expect and I find myself on the toilet so long Shawnee comes and bangs on the door of the bathroom. “Did you die in there?”
“No.” I say with a laugh. “Be right out.”
I don’t have the spells often, but when I do, they are fairly draining. I end up sleeping a lot. Something I’m only getting away with not telling my friends and family about because of the elections and plague that have everyone busy and bothered.
But the time is coming to tell them all. I can’t keep this to myself much longer. Though I don’t know how to, beyond inviting them to visit me in the hospital one at a time when I have the surgery. Dates have been pushed back again, buying me a bit of time.
It takes effort to pull myself together and leave the bathroom.
Shawnee doesn’t notice me coming back into the living room. Her eyes are stuck on her phone.
“What is it?” I ask, seeing her expression filled with shock and not the good kind.
“No—nothing.” She puts the phone away.
“Just tell me,” I demand.
Her eyes dart around the room. “Can’t you simply trust me that you don’t want to see this?”
“Oh my God, give me the phone.” I hold a hand out, expectantly.
“You’re going to regret looking.” She groans but passes it over.
I gasp when I see it. A stunning diamond ring on one hand holding a pregnancy test that’s positive. A pretty turquoise ring is on the other hand. The tagline is “three months today.”
“Fuck off,” I whisper. Shawnee doesn’t realize I’m speaking to God.
“I know, I can’t believe that asshole. Actually, I can. He’s such a douchebag.”
A minute later my phone rings. It’s Brent.
“Did you see?” he asks before I can greet him. “A fucking kid? Is this a joke? That son of a bitch told me he was never having kids, and he was going to slowly wait it out until you eventually gave up!”
The words add acid to the wound in my aching heart.
“And she never wanted kids! At least it makes sense now why they’re engaged. I would bet anything that she has trapped him with this. He broke up with her during the quarantine, and she knew I would never take her back. So she roped him in and has trapped him with a baby!” His rant is crazed but makes perfect sense.
My heart rate rises, causing the thumping in my head to become so loud I hardly hear Brent shouting over my muddled thoughts.
“She never wanted kids either—!”
He’s having a baby with her?
“This is absolute bullshit—!”
The baby I wanted so badly for a decade he’s having with her after ten months.
“—hope she gets fat—”
We aren’t even divorced yet and he’s giving her the life I wanted.
Something in me cracks.
I wobble, unable to tell if the room has tilted or I’ve stumbled.
The pulse in my neck actually hurts.
Brent continues his rant, but his voice fades as a stabbing pain triggers something in my head. My right eye closes and the lights strobe. I’m twitching without being able to stop myself and Shawnee is screaming.
I lose her voice in the darkness for the second time in my life.
The pain is everything and then it’s gone and I’m floating again.
But this time I’m lost.
Chapter 39
October 31
We’re all shivering with the outdoor barbecue at James and Liz’s house. But numbers are on the rise and social distance dinners are big again. The kids didn’t get to trick-or-treat, not with a baby sister to risk. So they’re inside playing with the boatload of new toys they’ve received from my parents. Halloween was pre-bagged treats on the deck for kids to take if they participated. Liz and James didn’t want strange kids coming to the door.
“To the end of the line with Rod and the sale of your house,” Shawnee says as she lifts her glass into the air.
“To the end!” I agree and we all lift. No more clinking of glasses.
“And to Lil getting asked out by Sam. May it lead to sex!” Liz jokes, making them all laugh.
“I hate all of you and I’m sorry I told you that,” I sneer and take a drink of the champagne.
“And how about Lil finishing the Couch to 5K?” Anthony asks, visibly uninterested in my sex life. “We ran a full five K yesterday.”
“You’re a goddess,” Shawnee gushes.
“Now we work on the ten K so you and I can run together,” Liz adds.
“Maybe.” I laugh, having no intention of running with my sister. Her competitive nature is more than I can handle when it comes to exercise.
“Sam asked you out?” James asks.
“Very casually. He asked if I wanted dinner. I said I was busy.” I don’t want to talk about it.
“And changing the subject,” Anthony says like he has my back. “Are you going to house hunt now that the place is sold?”
James points at him. “Hey, stop trying to ruin my rental situation. It’s tough finding renters in Covid.”
We all laugh but I nod. “I was thinking about it. Maybe in the new year.”
“Oh God, you’re not still contemplating an old heritage home that needs a bunch of work?” Liz moans and rolls her eyes. She loves teasing me about my dream to fix up an old gut job.
“A fixer-upper?” Anthony’s brow furrows. “I didn’t know you wanted to do that.”
“It was a dream of mine before,” I say softly, not sure if it still is.
“Well, if you’re looking for a fixer, there is a perfect one on Bloomingdale Terrace.” Anthony gets excited by real estate, something Shawnee and I find adorable. “It has to be a new listing. I run past there every couple of days, and I just saw the sign go up. It’s incredible. ‘Worst house, best street’ sort of thing.”
“Oh yeah.” James gasps. “I know exactly the house you mean. That is a perfect Lilly house. Needs a gut but the bones are magical. Great porch. I would say it’s a hundred and fifty years old, if not more. In its day, it was a stunner.”
“Really?” My heart does a tiny flutter but I suppress it. “I should wait. I mean, we’re not properly divorced yet.”
“The divorce finalizes what, Valentine’s Day? As per the rental agreement you have.” Liz winks. “That’s not so long.” Fudging the separation agreement date to give myself a special Valentine’s gift next year was her idea. “I’m going to check on the kids,” she says and stands.
Shawnee’s phone vibrates and she glances at it. There’s a change in her from whatever she sees.
Anthony notices. “What is so fascinating that you just have to look?” He teases about how much she is on her phone but she doesn’t bite this time.
Something’s off.
Her eyes flicker to mine.
“What?” I ask.
Pain floods her stare. She doesn’t want me to know whatever she is seeing.
“Seriously, what?” I refuse to drop it.
She hands her phone to Anthony who doesn’t glance at it. He’s such a gentleman. He passes it to me. In the dancing light of the gas firepit I gasp.