“Get off him. Go on, find somewhere else to sleep you guys.” One by one they hopped off and I sat on the coffee table to study our guest. “How did you get here?” I whispered as I allowed myself to peruse the hot-guy buffet spread out on my grandmother’s sofa. From the gorgeous, straight line of his nose to the sharply defined sweep of his strong jaw, he was beautiful. That didn’t even take into account his fully kissable Cupid’s bow mouth. Involuntarily, my tongue darted out to wet my lips. I wanted to bite that juicy lower lip and I wanted to do it right now. Maybe it would wake him up? Like Sleeping Beauty. Or was it Snow White?
Pulled like a magnet, I felt drawn to him. Maybe he was my one true love and all I had to do was give him a kiss? My very own Disney prince to rescue . . . like my destiny or something.
Gender reversal fairytale retelling for the win!
What in the actual fuck is wrong with you, Anna?
I stood up with haste and almost fell over the coffee table in my rush to back away from him. Dammit! No more drinking tonight. Booze always made my heart squishy and sentimental.
And no more men. All they do is hurt, hurt, hurt.
“Take a chill pill,” Alf squawked from the aviary. Without thinking, I sat with a thud to stare at my guest’s still form in the dim light provided by the flickering fire. As his eyes popped open, the power turned back on and I gasped when I saw his pale, ice blue eyes staring at me as cold as the storm outside.
“I know you,” I breathed.
6
Him
I stilled as she jumped up, eyes wide and a hand to her mouth.
“I know you.”
“No you don’t,” I said.
I didn’t recognize the deep grumbly response that came out of me. She also seemed shocked at my instant rebuttal. It felt imperative for her to not know me, though I could not remember why at this exact moment. Not under the scrutiny of a roomful of judgmental stares and a throbbing head.
“Yes. I do . . .” She stood up to pace. “I just can’t remember how at the moment.”
I shifted to sit up. My brain throbbed at the action. She turned and grabbed a fire poker to thrust it in my direction. “Not so fast, mister.”
“This position is hurting. I need to adjust.” I held my hands up and wiggled slowly upright. I started to scoot with my hands where she could see them but the action caused the blanket on my body to start to slide off. Wiggle. Slip. Wiggle. Slip. I watched her closely. Her gaze followed my flexing muscles to my face, then back down to my now exposed thighs and abdomen. Soon the blanket would reveal the parts of me she pretended not to study earlier. Interesting. Was this woman so cranky because she needed relief in the form of an orgasm? I have heard that can sometimes happen. I watched her closely as the blanket slid completely off my lap.
“Oh my god.” She turned around sharply, then perhaps remembering not to show her back to a potential enemy, she swung back around still wielding the weapon. Her eyes were closed and she overcalculated her distance. A vase on the mantle fell with a crash and a puff of grey. “Oh god, that’s my grandmother!” her eyes widened and contorted with sadness.
I must comfort her. I stood, fighting a whoosh of dizziness.
“You. Stay.” She pointed the poker at me.
“I will not hurt you. I swear it on my life.” I placed a hand over where my human heart would be. Would be? I didn’t have time to overanalyze that fleeting thought because she thrust the poker into my naked chest.
She was beautiful in all her ferocity. Her large round eyes watched me with suspicion and curiosity. Her small frame was damp from the snow that fell, and her delicious figure was visible through the meager clothing she wore. She shivered.
“Take off your clothes,” I said.
Her eyes widened even more. “I don’t know who the hell—“
“You are cold.” I thrust the blanket toward her, desperate to ease any discomfort. It was an urge I couldn’t understand but was imperative. The cool air tickled my naked skin.
A dog barked. A bird swore. I glared at it, not trusting it instantly. Three cats licked themselves before dashing up the stairs.
Her eyes widened but stayed locked on mine. Until they lowered for just a second.
“I said stay back.” Her glare was fierce as she gripped her weapon harder. Pride swelled in my chest at her bravado.
I fell back into the couch with a grunt. “Technically you said, ‘You. Stay.’ But I will honor the sentiment nonetheless.”
She frowned at the pile of ash on the ground. “You broke my grandmother’s urn.”
I did not understand how I was responsible but I knew well enough that it was best not to argue with women. It is better to apologize first, and ask what for later when they are not glaring with such ferocity.
“I am sorry,” I said in my most deep and soothing voice, tilting my chin down for added remorse.
Her eyelashes fluttered before her mask of anger fell back in place. “And for crying out loud, cover yourself.” Her gaze flicked over my form and back to my face and then back down. I flexed my muscles as a satisfying flush returned to her cheeks. “Oh my God, are you for real?” she muttered.
“Not to be pedantic, but am I to cover myself or to stay unmoving? I am confused by your mixed messages.”
Her brow furrowed and I thought best to apologize again.
“I am sorry.” I paired it with a grin I had practiced many times, specifically angled to appear genuine and also alluring. I scored very high in this category.
“Just—just cover yourself so I can think.” She gestured to the blanket and I wrapped it over my chest and tied it behind my neck in traditional fashion.
“Um, lower,” she said.
Her cheeks burned red despite shivering only moments ago. I followed her gaze to my exposed lower body. Ah, so the blanket was not long enough to cover the bits she found . . . distracting? I was confused by this woman. She seemed very interested in my . . . what’s the best word here? Cock? Member? Organ? Disco Stick? Yet, she also seemed frustrated with herself for her natural curiosity. Perhaps my earlier theory was correct, and she was in need of sexual relief. I fixed the blanket until she nodded with approval.
“I am well-studied in cunnilingus,” I stated. Though, as with most of my learned skills, this was mostly in theory, not in practice.
Her dark eyebrows shot up and her cheeks immediately flushed. It was quite endearing. Then those same brows pinched together and her mouth pursed. “Well, congratulations, but I’m not interested. Now, sit tight. Covered. While I clean up this mess.” She rubbed her face with a free hand, mumbling, “Seriously, where did you come from? Did Elizabeth send you to mess with me?”
I tilted my head. Just then, the light filling the room flickered and went out.
“Ah, come on!” The poor woman threw out her arms. It occurred to me that though I could see just fine, she was no longer able to. “What else could possibly happen now?”
Outside, the wind howled in the silence and a heavy branch slammed against the porch, followed by the sound of cracking wood. The bird swore from the cage. The dog barked from her bed. And the three cats sprinted out of the room to where, I did not know.
Her head fell forward and her shoulders shook. I could not tell if she was laughing or crying. I only knew that I needed to make her happy.