I sighed in an unexplained release of emotion, wondering if I'd be able to survive an entire evening filled with such outbursts. I guessed that there would be confrontations between the guys, but I didn’t imagine how hard it would be to feel that I was responsible for it!
"Are you okay?" The Doctor seemed interested.
"I'm fine, but I can't say that I'm okay."
"Is there an explanation for that answer?"
"Yes, I... Listen, I have to confess to you about something."
"Already? Okay." A worried expression appeared on his face.
"Yeah, well. It's just that… I'm sorry, this is really embarrassing."
"What? You're freaking me out."
"I know it's not nice, and I really am sorry, but I have to confess that I… I don't know your name."
"Naomi!" He raised his voice, placed his hand on his chest, and exhaled. "You scared that crap out of me!"
"Well… I…"
"My name is Leo Rossi, and this is the last time you do that to me!"
"Now, I'm confused. What did you think I was going to confess?" I smiled at him, closed the door, sat back down on the bench, and patted the seat next to me, inviting him to take his place.
"Well, I'm surrounded by sturdy, hot men, and as that gorilla just described me, I'm more of a tiny little man." He laughed as if he didn’t mind his own words, but I thought that deep down, he really did. "We can't ignore the fact that I don't look like any of them."
"Stop it. You're a very handsome man, Leo." I didn’t lie and stroke my fingers against his cheek, as I thought he needed to feel my touch. "So, what if you're not as big as the rest of them?"
"Well, I thought you wanted to confess that you're not attracted to me."
"What?"
"You started by saying you were so sorry, so I thought you were going to finish by asking me to... You know… Leave."
A few embarrassing moments of silence passed, and I suddenly realized that leaving my project at the end of that evening was hovering over the heads of all men. A tension I hoped I could relieve with a pleasant conversation, yet I knew I couldn’t. Moreover, two of them would actually have to face that humiliating departure, and I'd be the blame for it.
"How much do you want to cry right now?" Leo asked out of nowhere.
"Me? I don’t want to cry." I felt a lump of frustrated tears building up in my throat.
"Oh, but I think you do." He smiled. "Maybe just a little bit?" He tilted his head to the side.
"Maybe… A little… Like…on a scale of one to ten? Six."
"Are you able to explain why?"
"I don’t know." I took a deep breath. "I guess it's for all sorts of reasons."
"Hit me with the top three."
"First of all, I suddenly feel very unpleasant. I just realized that as I almost crushed your spirit when you thought I wanted you to leave the party. I'll probably crush two guys tonight, and possibly hurt their feelings, so I hate knowing I have to do that."
"That's understandable. There's a huge burden on your shoulders, and it makes perfect sense that it'll be a cause for unpleasantness."
"Also, I was horrified by what just happened here between you two."
"Really? Do you mean to say that the testosterone level stand-off wasn’t a turn on for you? I was sure you'd like the David and Goliath show."
"No, I did not." I smirked slightly at his comparison. "And stop underestimating yourself, Leo. You're just as good looking as anyone else here tonight."
"Oh, keep going. Say more nice things about me, Naomi. Please!" He smiled.
"Shut up." I shoved his shoulder. "The third reason for me wanting to cry is unclear."
"Maybe because it really is unclear? Maybe you want to cry for no apparent reason?"
"I guess. I do sometimes feel like crying."
"You know what?" He leaned toward me and looked deep into my eyes. "I'm dying to go out with a girl who'll be a bigger cry baby than me."
"Oh, I just remembered that you wrote in your application how you like to make people laugh and don’t mind if you have to be goofy for that to happen."
"Well, I didn’t get an application from you, but I listened to what Nick said earlier, and I remember him mentioning that you appear the strongest when you're close to falling apart." He lowered his gaze, and my heart began to race. "I might be wrong, but you're looking a little falsely strong right now."
"No, I'm fine." I tried dismissing his claim, yet he didn’t buy it.
"Can I hug you?"
"You can." I barely finished my reply before he was already pulling me to his knees and wrapped his arms around my body in a very pleasant tight hug.
"You can now, Naomi. If you want to."
"Can what?"
"Fall apart. You see? There's an upside to me not being sturdy like the rest of them. You don’t have to show strength and durability when you're with me. You can feel free to fall apart, because I'm fragile and sensitive, just like you, if not more."
"Leo, I…" I was finding it hard to breathe.
"I understand, Naomi. I really do. That's why I offered you a hug. I felt that you needed to lean on someone, and I'm honored to be here for you, so please, lean on me. As I said, you can now, if you want to. You can fall apart, Naomi. I've got you."
"I... This can't... Not right now, or…" I feared his words would break the last of the defensive walls I'd placed around myself, so I stopped talking immediately, and prayed to God he'd do the same.
"Look, I know, okay? If I was in your shoes, I'd also feel the need to fall apart. If only for a moment. Just enough to pick myself up again."
I clung to my silence, though I felt how every word that came out of him penetrated deep into my heart and got my unclear feelings all swiveled around.
"Naomi? Can you even hear me?"
"Yes," I whispered fearfully.
"Can you feel my arms around you?" he asked, tightening his grip.
"I do."
"Do you believe me when I say I won't let go?"
"Yes."
"So you can fall apart now. I've got you." He completed, and as I feared, his words made me burst into tears.
Leo stroked my hair, and I could feel how, with each of my tears that dropped, the frustration washed away, and hope took its place.
"Are you feeling a little better?" He tilted his head to the side as I looked up and stumbled directly into his gaze.
"I do." I really did. "Thanks for that."
"Anytime." He took a royal kind of bow.
"How will I ever be able to repay you, my noble and kind knight in a shiny tiny little armor?"
"Oh, well, my fair lady, a little kiss on the cheek would be a fair payment for the burden your ass was on my knees."
"Hey!" I made sure to sound offended, and as if on their own free will, my lips clung to his.
He asked for an innocent kiss on his cheek, though I reveled in the softness of his lips.