"Thanks," I said leaning over to Nathan and whispering in his ear.
"My God, woman, that's the last time you whisper in my ear when it's not just the two of us, or there'll be consequences." A single wink of his eye caused shudders to pass along my spine and made it clear that I was talking nonsense earlier. Of course, there was chemistry with him. Who was I kidding? There was crazy chemistry with all of them!
I kept away from Nathan's ear and went on talking to the men. As if they decided to play nice, every few minutes, a different man sat next to me. That allowed me to talk privately with some of them or to chat in small groups with others, yet even though the evening was coming to its end, there were still a few guys with whom I hadn’t yet exchanged a single word.
"Could everyone please gather around?" Nick tapped a teaspoon on the side of a tall, slightly expensive champagne glass and got everyone's undivided attention.
"It's time?" An embarrassed smile found its way to my lips, and the names of all the men started passing in my mind one after the other.
"Indeed, Naomi. Gentlemen, it's time to end our first cocktail party. As you remember, at the beginning of the evening, I said that we'll say goodbye to two men this evening, but as you all know, one has already chosen to retire."
"Wait, what?" I quickly looked around, trying to match each face to the list of names in my head.
"So, gentlemen," Nick went on without giving me any more details about the bomb he just dropped on me, "Tonight we'll part from only one more man."
"Hold on, you guys, what are you talking about?" I couldn’t move on with the evening until I got a better understanding of what happened. "Who left?" I placed my hands on my chest and imagined the faces of all the men who came up the stairs, trying to match them to the men standing in front of me at the time.
"Immediately after Benny Segal came back from the balcony, while you were still in there with Leo, Benny loudly declared how this all wasn’t for him and left." Nick explained before I could finish matching the puzzle pieces in my mind and revealed the mystery of who was the disappearing guy.
"Oh, no! I hope I didn't hurt his feelings." The thought saddened me.
"Even if he got hurt, it couldn’t be you who hurt him." Michael, who was a professional therapist, felt the need to step in.
"Hmmm…" I wrinkled my chin and waited for him to go on, and he did.
"You've only just met him and spoke with him for about fifteen minutes. I think it's safe to say that your connection was still on the surface, and in the assumption that you didn’t say anything hurtful..." Michael lowered his gaze to mine.
"I didn’t." I really didn’t!
"Then I assume he was dealing with difficulties that had nothing to do with you, Naomi. If his feelings got hurt, it's on him, not on you."
"You're wrong." I came to a realization. "It's not on him, nor on me. It's on us. This whole situation is neither mine nor yours, Michael. This situation is ours. This project is ours. We're all in this together, and we have the ability to do our very best to be exposed and learn to respect one another." I turned my gaze to Leo, who had interrupted my time with Benny, and wondered if I should scold him on it. "Or we could all take a deep breath, slow down, think this through, and if we feel that we're in it over our heads, we can respectfully decide, just like Benny, that this isn’t the right place for us."
Silence.
All the men's maddening eyes were on me, and suddenly, Jennifer came to my mind. I didn’t remember her having a conversation such as that with her men. Maybe, in reality, she did, and it wasn’t aired? Maybe she didn’t think about the big picture, as I did, or maybe she didn’t care about it at all, and maybe I shouldn’t care about her either.
I wasn’t going to be a playback to Jennifer's experience. I wasn’t going to try to relive her way with my men. I was going to say what's important to me, call out what everyone's clearly thinking about, and I give them the respect they deserved by being completely honest, genuine, and vulnerable.
"Look, guys," I exhaled and released the fears that were suffocating everyone there. "I know that this process won't be easy for anyone, especially for you. People are monogamous creatures by their nature." Everyone chuckled. "Well, women slightly more than men, but I'll let that statistic slide for now." I allowed the chuckles to go on, so the tension in the room could lighten up a bit before continuing. "This project is unimaginable, innovative, and creative. But, damn it, if any of us had found love in our lives the conventional way, we wouldn't be standing here in this wretched circle." Again, a few chuckles were heard from some of the men.
"So what are you saying, Naomi?" Nick tried to focus my words.
"I'm saying that I believe in you." I placed my hand on his shoulder. "I believe in Nick." I turned back to my men and went on. "And I believe in this project. I believe in me, and I also believe in you."
Low bass murmurs spread from all sides, but I didn’t let them form into clear sentences or even into words.
"I'm asking you," I began with a shake of my head as I continued, "no, I'm begging you to take a chance with me. I understand that your odds are not so good, and I understand that there's a one in nine chance that you'll find yourself heartbroken and alone at the end of the road—"
"Umm, Naomi… Is there a 'but' hiding somewhere in there, because you're scaring your men," Nick rushed me, and I wasn’t willing to be rushed at that moment.
"I don’t want to sweeten things up for you. I want to tell it like it is, and honestly? It's freaking scary. If this fear is too much, the exit is that way. If you don’t think this project is worth the risk, please leave right now," I completed and pointed to the door of my apartment.
Again, I caused a still silence at the first cocktail party, which until moments ago was buzzing and bustling with music and easy-going conversation.
"Not you!" I took hold of Leo's hand, who was standing right next to me, thinking he was turning toward the door.
"I..." He looked confused. "I mean... I wasn’t going to leave, but... Thanks for that." His sweet stammer brought another smile to my face and made me feel confident enough to make a promise to my men.
"I promise that I'll always be honest and fair with you," I said, making eye contact with each in turn. "I promise to give you nothing but my absolute truth, and I ask you to do the same with me."
"And now!" Nick snapped his fingers, seemingly very impatient as he signaled Amber and Lia with a nod of his head to pour champagne into particularly small glasses.
We all knew what that meant.
It meant that it was time to say goodbye.
Chapter 14
"Naomi, do you need a few moments before deciding which of the men standing here will leave us tonight?"
"No." For some reason, I sounded determined, even though I didn't really know which of the men wasn’t going to be invited for a toast with me.
All I knew for sure was that I had a list of definite yeses and a list of maybes, and yet, I didn’t feel like contemplating at the time.