"You won't be able to upset me tonight, Jennifer!"
I set the timer for fifteen minutes of roasting in the oven and started cleaning up my workspace as the episode went on playing and Jennifer went on another date with the other men remaining in the process. But it was clear to me that the upcoming rose ceremony would be the highlight of it all.
About twenty minutes later, after turning over the meat and glazing it with its liquids, Jennifer finished that week's dates and was getting ready for the cocktail party, which was bound to end with a goodbye from yet another man on her journey to being engaged.
"Jennifer, do you already know what you intend to do tonight?" The host tried to increase the tension for the viewers as I removed the pan from the oven and allowed it to cool on the counter.
"I think so." Jennifer appeared determined, and I got worried that she would manage to upset me after all, with yet another one of her stupid choices.
"I swear, if you break-up with Chad, I'll stop watching you!" I lied and chuckled to myself.
The rose ceremony started just at the right time.
My king's dinner for one was ready, and I arranged it in a beautiful serving dish for myself.
I cut the meat into thin slices, poured some of its liquid over it, and served it to myself alongside the mushroom stew.
"Brian, will you accept this rose?" Jennifer began to call the men who fought for her heart, one after the other, as I savored the first bites of my dish, which was undoubtedly suitable for kings.
"Steve, will you accept this rose?" I no longer cared who she named and who she didn't, just as long as she wouldn’t give Thomas a rose. Seriously. Anyone but Thomas.
"Jennifer, gentlemen, this is the last rose for this evening," the host said, stating the obvious, as he did in every elimination episode. "Jennifer, when you're ready." He finished and backed away.
On the table, right in front of me, stood an empty glass of wine and two bottles beside it. One red and the other white.
"Come on, Jennifer. Which wine will I be drinking tonight? Red or white? Will you upset me, or will you send me to sleep with a smile on my face?" I placed each of my hands on a different bottle and waited impatiently for her to speak her mind.
Chad and Thomas stood before her, which didn't surprise me at all. This was probably the production's way of making sure I'll lose my mind, and I admit that I was very close to it.
"Chad, will you accept this rose?" Jennifer's words made me wave the bottle of white wine in the air with a huge smile of happiness stretched across my face.
"Thomas, I'm sorry, but this is where your journey ends." The host repeated his regular line. "Please take a few minutes to say your goodbyes to Jennifer," he added after Chad breathed a sigh of relief and joined the line of men chosen to continue in the journey.
"Yes, Thomas, bye-bye!" I was so happy to take a sip of my favorite white wine.
If I were Jennifer, I wouldn't spend my time dating people of Thomas' kind. I'd know to ask the right questions, I'd easily differentiate the liars from the others, and I'd keep only the sweetest of them all in my way to find happiness.
That's what I'd do if I were Jennifer. If I were The bachelorette. But I wasn’t. I was just a bachelorette without "The" in front of my title. Just another single woman in New York City.
"Mike! I'm coming, honey!" I declared in a particularly uplifted mood, happy to sign that long day with a smile.
Chapter 3
I woke up the next morning full of energy for the day ahead.
Jennifer made the right choice, and pathetically, that was a good enough reason for me to be in a good mood.
"Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, just hear me out, Naomi." Nick spotted me as I came into the office and started bouncing up and down like a ten-year-old girl at her favorite boy band concert.
"And a good morning to you too." I rolled my eyes at him.
"Shut up, I know you. You're in a good mood because Chad stayed and Thomas went home, aren’t you?"
"Am I that predictable?"
"Honestly? Yeah. And if you must know, I was hoping that Brian would be the one to go."
"Oh, don’t get me wrong, there's no doubt that Brian shouldn’t be the last man standing. But at this stage, I thought that—"
"I don’t care." Nick interrupted. He waved his hands and pulled me forcefully into my office. "I need you to shut up and listen to me."
"What's up with you today?" I closed the door behind us and widened my eyes as he spun me around aggressively so that my back was pressed against my desk, preventing me from seeing what was on it.
Nick was never quiet or shy, but he wasn’t as bouncy as he was that morning either, so I raised a curious eyebrow and waited for him to explain himself.
"Okay, I just realized that you're The Bachelorette, Naomi." An unclear smile crept onto his face.
"Yes, I know, Nick. I'm single." I tried to mimic the same smile though failed miserably.
"Oh, will you shut up and listen already?" Nick looked crazier than ever.
"Do you need me to be beautiful and shut up or just to shut up? Because I'm trying to—"
"My God, Naomi, be quiet!" I feared his head was going to explode of frustration, so I decided to lay off him for a moment, and I did as he asked. I kept quiet, although not before I twisted my fingers next to my lips, in an imaginary locking motion, and placed the non-existing key in his hand.
"I swear that this can work… It's going to be so good. If only we could… Yeah, I really think we can do this…" He huffed. "Okay!" He turned to me. "This'll be amazing, so just hear me out before saying yes or no, okay?"
I shrugged, and clung to my silence, as I was asked to do, while Nick began to pace from one side of my office to the other.
"Yes... Sure... Oh... Yes, yes, yes," he mumbled to himself, smiling while I giggled quietly.
I had no idea what was going through his mind, but I loved how he seemed excited about it.
"You're The Bachelorette." Nick gripped me by the shoulders. "Not a bachelorette, not a single woman, you're The Bachelorette, do you hear me?"
"I'm sorry, am I allowed to speak now?" I grinned.
"Only if you're not going to say 'no' straight away. Please, Naomi, keep an open mind about this."
"How can I say no, or yes, if I have no idea what the hell you're talking about?"
"But I just said it. Didn’t you hear me?"
"Said what?"
"I'm trying to tell you that you, Naomi Sloan, are the bachelorette! I really can't make it any clearer than that. Now, did you hear me clearly?"
"I heard, yes. I heard you loud and clear. I have no clue what the hell you're talking about, but I heard you just fine."
Nick was a proudly proclaimed gay man, but not the feminine kind. On rare occasions and only when he was extremely excited, I could see that his body gestures were slightly feminine, and this was one of those occasions, so I giggled away at the sight of him getting all worked up.
"Naomi, here's what we'll do. I'm going to count to three, and then you'll turn around and look at what I've spread out on your desk."