"Am I going to like what I'll see?"
"I really hope so." He stood behind me and got ready for the count. "I think you would."
"Will you still be dressed when I turn around?" I managed to make him laugh as well, and his counting began.
"One… Two… Three!" He clapped, and I turned, immediately frowning in confusion.
On my desk were many pages spread out. There were printouts of various men I had never met, long and short paragraphs I didn’t have time to read, tables I hadn’t figured out, and unclear drawings. It looked like chaos. Absolute chaos, and I didn’t like it.
"What… um… What am I looking at?"
"This is your marriage proposal!"
"I'm beginning to understand why you're still single, Nick. Making a mess of someone's desk is not the way to win their hearts."
"Oh, will you go back to being silent?" He made us both laugh again.
"Honey, I see you're excited because your hands are flailing sideways like Marilyn Monroe when she saw Elvis Presley, but I'm sorry to say that this is where you have to start making some sense."
"Okay, here it comes." He took a deep breath and continued. "I'm hereby announcing you, Naomi Sloan, as the bachelorette!"
"That's not an explanation, Nick. We both know I'm not enrolling in that show, so say what you want of me already, so I can decline it, and we can move on." I began to lose patience, especially in the light of his calm countenance.
Nick stood there, nodding for several moments. He looked at me, then down at the chaos he'd made of my desk before gathering the printouts that were scattered into a big pile.
"I didn't sleep at all last night, Naomi." He finally started to explain.
"That's how I felt after Adam was sent home."
"Not because of that, you addict." He smirked at me. "I watched the episode, and the conversation we had with the unbearable Judy came to mind."
"Ugh, will you give her a break? She's actually a really nice person."
"Yeah, yeah. She's amazing. Who cares?" He shook his head. "Last night, I realized how we could find the perfect man for you."
"And the first step is to make a mess of my desk and declare me a bachelorette?"
"Declare you as the bachelorette. All we have to do is add 'the' to your relationship status, and we can find the perfect man for you."
"Do you think I haven't been looking for him already? He doesn’t exist, Nick."
"He does! All we have to do is find him!" His eyes were so wide, he looked like a mad man, and I was actually relieved when he looked away.
Nick finished arranging the mess he made on my desk and placed his laptop in the center of it.
"Listen to me, Naomi Sloan," he said dramatically. "The unbearable Judy and the hairless Remy are right. The format is correct, and the path it entitles is proofed. All we have to do is learn our lessons from their mistakes, make our alterations, and produce our project accordingly."
"Our project? What project?"
"Your project! We'll design an organized plan, and it'll be great!"
"A plan for what?" I could already understand where he was going, but I refused to believe he really meant it.
"A plan in which you'll send home men who will compete for your heart, one after the other."
"You're serious, aren't you?" I squinted my eyes, afraid to hear his answer.
"I sure am, Naomi. No fame, no glory, and no TV show. Just a competition that will in itself cause the best men in the country to come out of their hiding places. Their manly instinct to prevail will cause them to submit an application, and we can filter the candidates until we reach the one who will be your true love."
"I heard you, Nick, but do you hear yourself? And what are you suggesting we offer as their prize? Why would they do that to themselves?" I frowned.
"What do you mean?" He smirked. "Don't you think that the option of proposing to a super-model is a worthy prize?" He waited for my answer, but since I didn't know what to say, I kept quiet.
I needed a few seconds to figure out if I was going to lay a right or left-handed slap to his face as he so desperately deserved.
"Okay, now you listen to me, idiot. Is that what you think I want to be? An award on some reality show that doesn't even air anywhere?"
"Baby Girl, whether you'd like to admit it or not, you are a prize. You're my personal award as my best friend, you're an award for this company as a manager, I'm pretty sure your mother thinks you're one of her prized possessions, and any brand that’s lucky enough to hire you to represent them should feel they won a prestigious award."
"Nick…" I blushed. "I'm not a piece of meat to be won in a dating competition. You can't seriously think of defining a lifetime with me as an award of some sort."
"Naomi, anyone who doesn't see living with you as a grand prize is an idiot. That's what I think."
A few seconds of silence lingered between us before we burst out laughing.
"I can't believe I'm even thinking about it, Nick."
"I can't believe we didn't think about it before." He smiled at me.
"Why do I get the feeling you haven't finished telling me everything you planned last night?" I asked and was amazed when he opened his laptop and showed me a well-designed landing page while I gasped at its title.
"Naomi Sloan is Your Bachelorette!"
There were so many things I needed to consider before taking such a step, and I wasn’t thinking straight. I had to think about work and… My agent... And also… Oh, what was I thinking? No!
I had no business debating the matter. It was madness to even consider it.
I couldn’t be bidding myself online for love.
Although... Basically, the bachelorette has all the power, and actually, the candidates are the ones putting themselves in a position that...
"No." I shook my head, trying to gain my sensible self back.
"You promised you wouldn’t say that," Nick declared, pointing at me.
"You're right. I'm sorry. I'm not saying no. I'm saying no way in the hell." I shrugged.
"Stop messing around. You're wasting precious time. Just say yes already, so we can start planning this thing."
"It's not going to happen, Nick."
"But it is, and we both know it."
"Did you really think I'd agree to that?" I stretched a smug smile across my face.
"I didn't think you'd agree. I knew you'd agree."
"But as you can see, you were wrong, Nick. I can see what you're trying to achieve, but that's not the right path for me," I said, lowering my voice.
"It's the best path for you!" He raised his and pounded his fists at the table. "You already are a bachelorette, just without the ability to control your love life or the pre-defined possibility of a marriage proposal at the end of your current path."
"Why do you think I'm already the bachelorette?" I wondered aloud.
"Because you, like me, live through that show."