“Because I knew you would wait,” he says. “I just had to get back here first.”
I scoot a little closer and lean my head against Nathan’s shoulder. He moves his hand from my knee to my waist and draws me closer. It’s a relief to have this be our dream and our secret instead of just mine and mine alone to deal with.
“What are the dreams like for you?” I ask.
“Nate’s on the beach waiting for Mercy,” he begins. “She looks a lot like you, actually. Tiny. Blonde. An amazing smile. I think I would recognize you anywhere, Meredith, and I don’t just mean the physical you. I mean everything about you. Your very essence. It calls to me, pulls me across the years and miles and lifetimes. I hope I’m not scaring you. I know I can be pretty intense sometimes. Nate probably could be too. That’s probably a lesson I need to learn this time around. ‘Don’t scare the ladies with coming on too strong.’” He laughs to cover his nervousness. “Uh, am I scaring you with this kind of talk?”
Is he scaring me? If it were anyone but Nathan, I’d be looking for the nearest security guard, but because it’s Nathan, I feel a sense of peace and complete acceptance. I can’t explain it any more than I can explain the weird stuff that goes on at school. He’s here. Maybe I’ve been waiting for him. Maybe we’re meant to meet.
“Um, you can answer any time, you know,” Nathan reminds me.
“It should scare me,” I admit. “Everything rational in me says I should tase you and run while I can, but everything irrational in me says you’re right. I think I was waiting too, Nathan. I just didn’t know for what.”
“Or who,” he adds.
“If we do this Colorado History project about Haunting and the occult, we will face the past.” I squeeze my eyes shut and try to keep the feeling of dread at bay. I try to tell myself that with Nathan by my side, I can face anything—just like Mercy could face anything as long as Nate was with her. “I think something happened to them, Nathan. Something bad.” I take a deep breath and ask him something I didn’t know I wanted to until the words fall out: “Do you want to find out what?”
Nathan nods. It’s like he was just waiting for me to ask. Like he wants it to be my choice instead of his. “Yes. It’s the only way to be free of the dreams and make peace with the past.”
“What dream?” Jay’s voice fills the space of my hiding spot. Nathan and I only have a few precious seconds to untangle ourselves and look all innocent and “just friends” before his body fills the space where his words are still echoing.
“I, uh, have this dream,” I begin as Nathan and I scramble out of my safe zone to stand with Jay at the bottom of the breezeway stairs. “Wait. Make that plural. I’ve, uh, had these dreams off and on since I was twelve. I’m sure I’ve talked about it with you at some point.”
“We met when you were twelve.” Jay frowns. I can’t quite tell what memory he’s drudging up. “That’s when my family moved to Haunting.” He shakes his head before shrugging off whatever sadness the move and that time held. “You should remember that.”
Has it been that long since Jay moved to Haunting? My mind goes blank as I try to pull up memories of my pre–car accident life, especially of a twelve-year-old me and fourteen-year-old Jay, but I manage to slowly pull up the images. I remember when Dad introduced Jay as “a young man you should associate with.” Keeping up appearances has always been one of the most important things, if not the most important thing, to Dad. Jay was confident, handsome, and already a rising star on the ski slopes. His family wasted no time becoming society darlings in Haunting by throwing charity events left and right that soon turned into positions in local government. Jay may attend Haunting Academy on a ski scholarship, but that’s just a formality. His family is loaded, which is just how Dad likes potential in-laws to be. That “do what I deem socially acceptable, not what you want” attitude helped push me to say yes when Jay first asked me out when I turned fourteen and Dad allowed me to date. Before I knew it, Jay and I were a couple, and I haven’t been able to tell anyone different ever since.
I’m stuck in a box of my own creation.
“I remember,” I say. “Dad introduced us. He wanted you to teach me how to ski.”
Jay grins at the memory. “I started you out on the bunny slope. You fell your first time down and spent the rest of the trip in the lodge with a sprained ankle.”
“Hey, I never said I was graceful. Or good at skiing.”
“Naw, but you sure were cute.”
I smile at the memory. When did things get so complicated between us? Everything was so much simpler. I reach out a hand to Jay, eager to return—even if just for a moment—to that happier time. We laugh over that long-ago ski trip filled with sprained ankles and hot chocolates by the fireplace. In its simplest form, when no one is interfering and we can just hang out with no demands or expectations, our relationship works. It’s when the jealousy, possessiveness, and insecurity come out to play that things between us get crazy.
Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Nathan frowning. He looks uncomfortable over the fact that Jay and I are sharing a moment.
“We should tell Jay about the dreams, Meredith,” Nathan says.
Jay looks over at Nathan as if just realizing he’s standing there for the first time. “We? What do you have to do with it?”
“Oh, everything.” Nathan grins, but not in the nice way. It’s in the antagonize-Jay way that makes me want to turn and walk away from both. Boys!
“We’re having the same dreams,” Nathan begins. “There’s this couple named Nate and Mercy. He’s not the kind of guy her dad would approve of, so they have to sneak around to see each other. Neither of us is sure how things end, but probably not great if we’re both being pushed in the direction to find out. Ever since I’ve shown up, Meredith has been slipping up and calling me Nate. Maybe there’s a connection, maybe there’s not, but everything happens for a reason, and we owe it to ourselves to find out what that reason is.”
“You’re quick to lump Mer in with your theory.” Jay turns for confirmation that this is what I want, too, that Nathan is not just putting words in my mouth. “Does this have anything to do with why you ran out of class? What are you afraid of?”
“That’s just it.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The memories of the past are trying to intrude on the present, but I push them aside. “I don’t know what I’m afraid of, Jay. It has something to do with the past and that it’s linked to our Colorado History project, but, beyond that, I just don’t know. That’s what’s so confusing about the whole thing. I just don’t know.”
“Maybe hypnotherapy can help get to the root of the fear,” Nathan suggests.
“Hypnotherapy?” Jay wrinkles his nose in disgust. “Like the guy on TV who makes people think they’re their favorite TV character or propose to mailboxes? How is that supposed to help Mer?”
“No. No, hypnotherapy is different,” Nathan says. “Hypnotherapists use relaxation techniques to help people quit smoking or lose weight or face whatever issues they may need to face.”