The knock on my door tells me Jay and Nathan are up as early as I am. Jay shoves a fast food bag at my face when I open the door. Nathan waits behind Jay but doesn’t say anything to me.
“We’re eating breakfast on the road,” Jay says to explain why I have a bag full of breakfast muffin sandwiches under my nose. “No use hanging around waiting for the dining hall to open.” Jay slides his sunglasses on. “Let’s hit the road and get this over with. Ready to go to Spooky Town USA, Mer?”
I grab my grubby gym shoes since they are the first ones my hands touch and wiggle my feet in. I’ll tie them in the car. When Jay’s in a hurry, nothing else matters. “Ready. Let’s get this over with.”
Psychic Square is ninety minutes outside of Haunting. I ride in the front next to Jay, and Nathan sits in the back. At first, we drive in silence, content to munch on our breakfast sandwiches. That gets boring really quick.
“Jay, can’t you turn on the radio or something?” I ask. “I need a distraction.”
“Here’s a thought,” Nathan pipes up from the back seat. “Why don’t we talk to each other? There’s a lot to say, don’t you think?”
“Not really,” Jay says. “I never have much to say to you, Vale.”
“Likewise, Jameson.”
“If you boys argue the whole ride, I’ll get out and walk home,” I warn. “And don’t think I won’t.”
“Don’t get mad at me,” Jay protests. “Vale’s the one that starts it. You act like he’s all innocent, but what do we know about him besides he took a swan dive off the second floor of the rotunda last week? Not a whole lot, that’s what.”
I look over my shoulder at Nathan lounging in the backseat. “Jay’s got a point. You don’t talk about yourself at all.”
“There’s not much to tell,” Nathan says. “I grew up in the foster system. I bounced around from home to home. I’ll spare you the details of that. The less I remember about that, the better. I worked my butt off to get this scholarship. Coming to Haunting feels like a fresh start. We’re all a little broken, just in different ways.”
I reach out my hand to Nathan to show my support. He takes it with a grateful smile. “I’m sorry, Nathan. I didn’t know about the foster system stuff.”
“How could you if I didn’t tell you?”
“I just wish there was more I could do.”
He shrugs it off. “Don’t worry about it. I try not to anymore.”
Jay cranks up the radio and guns the engine. It takes ten extra minutes before I realize I’m still holding Nathan’s hand. I give it one final squeeze before I untangle my fingers from his. My hand still tingles long after the warmth of his hand leaves mine. I’m lucky Jay didn’t notice. It’s one instance I’m glad he can be Captain Oblivious.
Halfway to Psychic Square, Jay makes a pit stop for drinks and munchies. It’s also a good time to stretch our legs after being cramped in the small car for almost an hour. Nathan and I climb out and head toward the convenience store. Jay is about to follow when his phone rings. I stop to wait. He looks down at the caller ID.
“It’s Coach,” he says. “I better take this. You go inside. If I don’t make it, grab me a soda and chips. You know what I like.”
“You sure?” The good girlfriend side of me feels horrible that I’m using Jay for his car and then ignoring him all morning. “I can wait.”
He waves me inside, mouthing “go” as he clicks the accept call button. “Hey, Coach, what’s up? Yeah, sure, I have time to talk strategy. No, I don’t care it’s Saturday. Go ahead. I’m listening.”
I meet up with Nathan in the chip aisle. He’s balanced an insane number of snacks and cold drinks in his arms. He lifts his arms to show off his haul. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted, so I just picked one of everything.”
I laugh. “We might want to put some of that back.”
“There’re a lot of things we might want to do, but putting back my snacks is not one of them.”
I look around for Jay because I always expect him to show up when I’m alone with Nathan—especially when he’s talking all intense. There’re a lot of things we might want to do. What does that even mean?
“Why do you always do that?” I ask. “I mean, I get the ‘life is too short to not go after what you want’ philosophy, but I’m not available. You know this, but you keep making all these comments. You don’t even bother to show any tact around Jay. You just say everything you’re feeling.”
“Does that make you uncomfortable?” Nathan sets down his snacks and soda and takes my hand. His palm is sweaty and cold all at once, but it still sends little electric shivers down my arm, through my body, and straight down to my toes. I suck in my breath, trying to ignore the sensation. “’Cause, you know, Mer, every time you mention having a boyfriend, it comes across to me like an excuse not to face how you really feel. It’s easier to stick to what you know versus really figuring things out. Don’t you owe it to yourself to figure things out before you’re stuck any further in a life you might not want, let alone like?”
I close my eyes and try to imagine what it would be like if I called the shots for once instead of Dad or Jay, but all I get is a big blank. “It seems like my whole life has been one big confusion,” I admit. “I don’t know how to change that.”
“Maybe now is the perfect time to start.”
As if it is no longer accepting orders from my brain, my hand moves to caress Nathan’s cheek. My fingers move back and forth, back and forth. I watch as if they belong to someone else’s hand. Nathan closes his eyes and leans into my palm.
“Meredith.”
My name on his lips holds such longing and promise that I almost drop everything in my arms to follow wherever it may lead me.
Almost.
My head retakes control, just in time. This is a dangerous game our emotions are playing—one I can’t play now, or ever. I pull away and gather up my snacks and drinks.
“Jay will send a search party for us if we don’t get back to the car.” I keep my voice casual. “Come on; I’ll buy the snacks.”
“You can’t avoid talking to me forever, Meredith,” Nathan says as he follows me to the front of the store.
“I’m not avoiding talking to you.” I load the counter with our snack and drink selections and try to focus on the beep-beeping of the cash register as the clerk rings everything up. “I’m avoiding talking about my private life, that’s all. Anything about Jay and me is off-limits. Don’t push, Nathan. If you do, I can guarantee you will not like the consequences.”
“If that’s what you want.” Nathan looks like he wants to say more but stays silent as we head back to Jay’s Camaro and pile in. In less than an hour, we’ll be at Psychic Square. Maybe we’ll find answers, maybe we won’t, but, no matter what, we’ve got to try. Maybe whatever answers we find will help settle whatever’s happening between Nathan and me. We need to try.