* * *
Dropping my head back against the headrest, I closed my eyes and let Rihanna’s lyrics wash over me. It was fitting she was singing to me about loving someone even though you hated it. Time and distance had made me realize I felt like that about Jermaine. When we’d been younger, I’d loved him the way a sister loved a brother. Then as we grew, I saw him differently. Watched him change from a kid to a young man, and my love evolved. I’d wanted him with every fiber of my being. But loving Jermaine came at a price. One that had felt worth it at first, but as time passed, became too high. And slowly, over time, my love for him twisted into something dark and ugly. A lot like the love Rihanna and Eminem began singing about.
The only difference between mine and Jermaine’s relationship, and the one in the song? I’d never loved the way he’d lied. I’d just loved him. Let my love for him blind me to the truth.
Jermaine was never going to choose me over his reputation. It was the one battle I couldn’t win, no matter how hard I fought.
My cell phone bleeped and my heart kicked up a notch, hoping to see Asher’s name flash across the screen, sinking when it wasn’t.
* * *
Shona: Where u at?
* * *
Me: Just outside Kessington. C U soon xo
* * *
Shona: We got some catchin up to do, girl. Party at mine 2nite?
* * *
Me: Shona, come on… you know I can’t b parading around like that
* * *
Shona: It’s my house. We’ll keep it low key. Besides, Jesse is home. He’ll look out for us. Plsssss. I’ve missed you, girl…
* * *
Me: I’ve missed u 2 xo
* * *
I silenced my incoming notifications and watched as the semi-familiar streets became streets so familiar I could pick out every other store. I hadn’t given much thought to what it would feel like to return but now I was here, I realized how strange it felt.
How it didn’t feel like home anymore, not even a little bit.
Chapter Twelve
Asher
“Son,” my father’s deep voice echoed over the line.
“Dad,” I clipped out, spinning the football with one hand.
“We’ll be back in town in a couple of days. Your mother wants to decorate and have dinner, just like old times.” There was a hint of sarcasm in his words.
“Old times, right.”
“Asher, could you be a little more interested please? This is important to her.”
“Of course, Dad. Whatever Mom needs.”
“We’ll be in town for the remainder of the holidays. I don’t have to be back in the city until January fourth.”
“That long?”
That was a little over two weeks away. I hadn’t survived two weeks with my parents in what felt like forever.
“Your mom had hoped we could all spend New Year’s together.”
“Actually, about that. The guys want to go to New York. Vaughn and Riley invited us. I thought we could—”
“Very well, I’ll arrange the penthouse. Just the five of you?”
“Six, I think.”
“Six?”
“Felicity’s friend Mya is coming with us.”
“Ah yes, the new transfer. Is she someone you have your eye on?” He cut straight to the point in true Andrew Bennet fashion.
“Can we not do this, Dad, please?”
He scoffed. “It’s a perfectly reasonable question, Asher. You’re eighteen, a young man, and you have yet to bring home a girl for us to meet.”
Because you’re never home and I would never willingly introduce my girlfriend to you. “That’s because I haven’t found anyone I want to bring home yet.”
“So you and Miss...” he hesitated.
“Hernandez.”
“Hernandez? Are her family immigrants?”
“Excuse me?” I choked out.
“It’s a South American name is it not?”
“Oh my god,” I breathed. “You’re serious.”
“It’s a perfectly reasonable qu—”
“Actually, Dad, it’s not. It’s presumptuous and irrelevant.”
“It’s hardly irrelevant if you have plans to date the girl,” his tone was scathing.
My blood boiled beneath my skin. All this time I’d been reassuring Mya that her skin color wasn’t an issue, failing to realize that it might be a problem for my own father and his ideas of my future.
“And if I do want to date her?”
Silence filled the line, making my body tense. Finally, my old man released a heavy breath. “I’m a man of my word, Son,” he said. “You still have until the end of senior year. But just remember, Asher, the mistakes you make now will follow you into adulthood.”
I wanted to ask what the fuck that was supposed to mean but I didn’t want to enrage him. Not when he and Mom seemed to be going through a calm period. The fact she wanted to decorate for the holidays was a telltale sign things were okay between them.
“You don’t need to worry, Dad,” I said in an attempt to placate him, and get him off the phone. It was bad enough they were coming home soon without spending my last couple days of freedom arguing with him.
“Very well, we’ll see you soon. Invite the guys to join us for dinner if you’d like.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Although after confessing everything to Mya, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep lying to them.
“Yo, Ash, you down there?” Jase’s voice rang out through the house and I dropped the free weights, grabbing a towel to dry off. I’d barely made it off the bench when he and Cam appeared in the door.
“How long have you been down here? We’ve been calling.”
“A while.” I caught the bottle of water Cam threw me, uncapped it and took a long pull. “Thanks.”
“You look like shit,” Jase remarked, arms folded across his chest, eyes narrowed with scrutiny.
“I’m okay.” After the conversation with Dad and finding out Mya had gone back home for a couple of days, I’d hit the gym. Pushing my body to its physical limit. The adrenaline didn’t erase the memories, but it helped temper the frustration swimming in my veins.
When my friends didn’t reply, watching me as if I was a freak show, I added, “It takes a lot of hard work to look this good, you know.” My lip curved convincingly.
“So this hasn’t got anything to do with the fact Mya just up and left to go back to Philly?”
“Nope.” I said, dropping back onto the bench and staring up at the ceiling.
“Did something happen between the two of you?” Cam asked.
“Yeah,” that was Jason. “Because I tried to get it out of Felicity, but she wouldn’t give it up. Not even after I did that thing she loves with my ton—”
“Whoa, too much information,” I protested, throwing an arm over my eyes.