“I’ll be okay, promise.”
He didn’t look convinced, but he knew me well enough to drop it. We watched Shona and Leroy practically dry fuck until Jesse finally snapped. Grunting under his breath, he stormed toward them, ripping his baby sister away from his friend. She flounced over to me and grabbed her drink, hardly fazed.
“He needs to lighten the hell up.”
“You two were getting pretty hot out there.”
“We were dancing.”
“So I didn’t see him rubbing up on you?”
Shona smothered a giggle, and I rolled my eyes. “You need to find yourself a decent guy instead of acting thirsty every time a guy looks in your direction.”
She fake gasped. “I do not act thirsty.”
“You know it’s true. But you’re worth more, Shona.”
“Listen to you, acting all boujee now you livin’ in that hick town.”
“You do realize that’s a complete contradiction, right? You can’t be boujee and hick?”
“Whatever.” She stuck her nose in the air, flicking her braids off her shoulder. “All I’m saying is you don’t be calling me no more, too busy with your new friends.”
“You know it’s not like that.” Guilt snaked through me. “I just...”
“Yeah, I know.” Shona shoulder checked me. “I’m messing with you.”
“I got a new cell phone number. So now we can talk all the time. You’ll just have to save me as ‘boujee bitch’ or something.” I grinned.
“You really think I’d be letting Jermaine look at my cell? I’ve barely spoken to him since you left.”
Silence filled the space between as we both looked out at the sea of bodies. There was a thin layer of smoke, the bitter twang of weed permeating the air.
“Shona,” I said, finally breaking the tension between us. “You get why I left, right?”
“Sure, I get it. Part of me was so fucking relieved when your mom told you to pack your bags. But the other part, the selfish part, can’t forgive you for leaving me behind. I know that makes me a bitch, but I can’t help it.”
“I know.” I threw my arms around her and hugged her tight. “I’m sorry I left too.”
“You just make the most of it and remember you got out, Mya. You escaped this place.” She eased back, flashing me her megawatt smile. “Now, tell me about those white boys you been hanging out with.” Her smile turned suggestive.
“They’re just… guys.”
“You like one of them.”
“No I don’t.” Liar.
“Oh you do, it’s written all over your face. Lemme guess, he’s a Justin Timberlake. You always did have a crush on JT back in the day.”
“He’s not—” A commotion over by the door caught my attention.
“Mya, yo, Mya, you up in here?” Jermaine’s voice filtered through the house and my spine stiffened.
“Fuck,” Shona hissed. “Don’t worry, babe, I’ll get Jesse and Leroy to deal with him.”
“And cause World War Three?” I glared at her. “I knew he’d find me. I just thought it’d be on my terms.” Placing my drink down, I began moving past her.
“Wait, you’re sure about this?” she asked me.
“Better than the alternative.” Silent understanding passed between us. If I didn’t go to him, Jermaine and his guys would cause problems for Shona and her brother. Something I couldn’t let happen.
“He puts a single finger wrong and you call me, ‘kay?” Jesse gave me a reassuring nod.
Nervous energy vibrated through me as I cut through the sea of bodies and made my way to the front of Shona’s house. Jermaine stood in the door, his eyes hard and cold. It had been three months since I’d seen him. Three months for him to beef up, cover more of his dark skin in tattoos. Three months to let his love for me turn to hatred.
“Mya, baby, looking good,” he said smoothly, letting his gaze run down my body. I shuddered, his attention no longer familiar and safe.
“J,” I said coolly. “It’s been a while.”
“Yo, Shawn, you guys get out of here. Me and my girl gotta talk.” I internally flinched.
His girl.
He still thought of me as his girl. But I hadn’t been his girl since the day I left Fallowfield Heights.
His guys moved around him, ready to disperse into the party but I said, “They leave. I’ll talk to you if they leave.”
Jermaine’s brow rose. “It’s like that, huh?”
“It’s like that,” I deadpanned, folding my arms over my chest and glaring at him.
“A’ight. I’ll meet you later,” he said to them, and they all filed out of the house.
“I see you got yourself some lap dogs.” I didn’t want to think about what he’d done to earn their respect.
“Come on, My, why you gotta be this way? I thought we could talk.” He swaggered toward me. “Talk, kiss… make up. You owe me, girl.” His hand reached for me, but I swatted it away.
“I owe you nothing more than an explanation.”
“So it’s like that, huh?” Jermaine rubbed his jaw.
“Let’s go outside, I need some air.” I couldn’t breathe with him looking at me like that.
Shouldering past him, I slipped into the cool night. Shona lived in one of the nicer parts of the neighborhood, so we were afforded some privacy. I moved around to the side of the house, where I knew there was a bench, and sat down. Jermaine followed but he didn’t sit. Instead, he towered over me. He seemed taller. Older in the face somehow. No signs of the young man I’d left behind.
“How’s your mama?” I asked, breaking the silence. “Bet she was real disappointed you dropped out of school.”
He clucked his tongue, shrugging. “I did what I had to.”
“Bullshit. School was the only thing working for you.”
“So what? I could look forward to a life of working at the Seven Eleven or collecting glasses for Keelan at the bar. Fuck. That.”
“At least it’d be safe. At least it’d be an honest job.”
“Shit, Mya, three months in wherever the fuck you been and you already talking shit. They brainwashed you out there? Filling your head with dreams of a better life?” He snorted. “I got news for you, baby girl. This is all we got. Life ain’t never gonna be no different.”
My heart ached at his words. For the boy I once knew. Jermaine was blinded by the promise of money and status. He couldn’t see there was another way, like too many men in our neighborhood.
“It didn’t have to be like this,” I whispered, tipping my head back against the cladding.
Jermaine took my hand in his, sliding our fingers together the way he had so many times. But where it once brought me peace, it felt wrong now.
“It was always you, Mya. You were my anchor in this fucked up place we call home. As long as I had you nothing else mattered.”
Tears pricked the corner of my eyes. “We both know that’s not true. I was never enough. If I was, you would have stopped.”
“You left me, you fucking left me,” he repeated, again and again, his voice cracking with pain. I wanted to console him, to give him comfort the way I had so many times before. But I didn’t.