“But it’s a lie,” I say now. “I fell in love with someone pretending they’ve never known me.”
“I wasn’t pretending to be me,” he says. “That part was real. The love we share is real.”
I turn away. “How am I supposed to believe that now?”
“Because you love me. You do, right?”
I look at him. When I don’t respond right away, his eyes get wide and he bites his lip. It’s something he’s never done before in front of me—or at least not that I can remember. What else did I not remember?
“I know you’re scared, El,” he says. “But we can get through this together. If you don’t remem—”
“Of course I’m never going to remember us again,” I say now. It suddenly feels like all the hope I’ve had breaks in my mind. All this time I really thought I was going to regain my memory with these paper hearts. As my words are released, it feels like a giant weight has been lifted off me. “I might not ever remember how we first met.”
My voice cracks at that last part. Is that why I’m so upset right now? I’ve dreamed forever of how I was going to meet the love of my life, keeping mementos to remember everything. But with Andy, I can’t recall a thing. I begin sifting through the box again. There are more pictures of me and Andy. One of me in the passenger seat of his car.
“What about my friends?” I ask. “Did you know them too?”
He sighs. “You had a falling-out with them around the time we started dating. You were outgrowing them. They didn’t like you hanging out with Sarah…or me,” he admits. “Carmen didn’t know what you saw in me and hated that you broke up with Pete for me.”
Slowly, all the pieces begin sliding into place, but I don’t remember. I have all the pieces, but I don’t remember those eleven weeks. It feels like watching a movie with someone else playing me.
“I’m…I’m the girl who hurt you…,” I trail off.
“Well, yes, but it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t ask to forget me.”
True, but I still did.
Andy studies my face. “What’re you thinking?” he says.
I look at him, debating if I’m going to tell him. It’s the one thing I won’t be able to take back, but it’s what is best.
“I know you’ve given me a year, but I need more time.”
Chapter 25
Spring
“We could sell carnations,” Tommy suggests. He’s the freshman who gave me my paper hearts in the cafeteria back in February. I learned his name when I rejoined student government in March.
“We can be more original than carnations,” Sarah says, shaking her head. The two braided buns on the sides of her head move back and forth.
“But how?” Brian asks. “The only other thing on our fund-raising list for the Spring Fling is a kissing booth, which will never get approved by Principal Wheeler.
Sarah looks at me, because we spent the weekend brainstorming.
“Sarah and I have been thinking,” I start. “It’s a little more complicated than hearts, but if we do a flower design, we can hold the same fund-raiser we have for the paper hearts.” Sarah reaches into the bag she bought at the Brooklyn Flea last weekend when we went on a day trip together. She pulls out two paper flowers we made as examples on the train ride back. “Voilà!” she says, holding them up for everyone to see. We used cool patterned pink paper and cut it in the shapes of lilies.
“Oooh, let me see!” a girl named Patrice says, grabbing one. Sarah passes the other to another girl, Lauren, next to her.
“How’s copying ourselves original?” Tommy argues.
“It’s totally different,” Sarah says. “Besides, everyone needs a little pick-me-up for spring. What better way to spread cheer than with paper flowers?”
As the others in the group nod, the vote becomes unanimous. We’ll be doing paper flowers to raise money for Spring Fling. Sarah squeezes my hand in excitement.
My first idea back on the planning committee is approved.
* * *
After the meeting, Sarah and I drive to Smoothie King to celebrate. Ashley comes too. I order a strawberry-and-pineapple one, and once we all have our drinks, we find a table outside.
“To the Idea Queen,” Sarah says as she raises her smoothie. Ashley raises hers too.
“You guys don’t have—” I start.
“Come on!” Ashley interrupts. “We’re just waiting on you.”
I reluctantly raise my smoothie and we toast.
“Thank you both,” I say before taking a sip. “For celebrating with me…and, well, for everything.”
A lot of things changed after I found my last paper heart.
I haven’t spoken to Carmen since the night of the Valentine’s Day Dance. I’m not saying there won’t be a day when I forgive her. But if I let her back in now, I won’t forgive myself.
I haven’t spoken to Jess either, but Katie has been reaching out a lot lately, apologizing. She asked if we could meet up at Pink Drinks to talk. I said I’d love to talk but that we should try something different for a change. The plan is still in the works, but we’re getting together next week.
In the meantime, I rejoined student government and became friends with Sarah again, which is amazing because we’re both starting school at Columbia in the fall. We haven’t been friends again for very long, but it feels like I’ve known her for ages. From everything I’ve learned over the past year, I can say one thing: people change like the weather, but you have to find the friends that brighten your day like a ray of sunshine and the ones that will be by your side in a storm.
Oh, and those social media passwords I could never figure out—I tried Andrew’s birthday and was finally able to log in to my accounts. Life is funny like that. I have also created a new page just for my book quote calligraphy, which has been exploding.
“You don’t need to thank me again,” Ashley says now. “I think a hundred and one times is enough. Although you could…,” she says, looking at Sarah. “Never mind.”
“Could what?” I demand. “Say it.”
She bites her lip. “I’m just wondering when you’re going to thank Drew. He was part of it too, you know.”
My cheeks burn at his name. Maybe because she called him Drew instead of Andy. Plus, he’s all I’ve been thinking about these past couple of weeks, no matter how hard I’ve tried to forget him. The irony is not lost on me.