“She didn’t say anything as she wrapped her hand around my upper arm and all but dragged me out of the station like I was a kid, not almost a fully grown man who was bigger than her.” A sad smile pulls at my lips at the memory before pain lances through my heart at knowing I’m never going to experience her trying to discipline me again. She used to tell me that no matter how old I was, that I was always going to be her little boy, that I would always be submitted to her harsh words whenever I screwed up, even when I was a married man with my own kids.
“We got in the car and still she was silent. I felt like such a shit. She was so disappointed in me.” I blow out a long breath, silence settling between us.
She doesn’t say anything and I’m grateful. I don’t need an inquisition. I don’t even know why I’m really telling her this. I guess it’s just festered too long inside me and finally needs to come out. Expel my sins or some shit before we lay her to rest.
“I tried apologizing, but she wouldn’t have it. I understood why. I’d told her after I got back from Rosewood that I’d step away from the Kingston boys, that I’d try to make a new start. Focus on trying to graduate, on football, but it was all bullshit. One offer of some extra cash for a job with them and I jumped at the chance.
“It didn’t help that I was trying to do everything I possibly could to get this girl out of my fucking head,” I admit with a wince. I don’t look at her but I like to think she’s smiling. It gives me the encouragement I need to continue.
“When she did speak, she was furious, and I realized that her silence was her trying to keep her cool until we got home, and we could really hash it all out.
“But we never got there. She hit a patch of ice and her car skidded off the road and down the little bank until we ended up wrapped around a tree.
“I blacked out and when I came to, I found her beside me, hunched over the wheel, her hand in mine, her eyes barely open.” My voice cracks as I remember it as vividly as if it happened yesterday. “She... she told me that she loved me, that she was proud of me, that... that I needed to do something better with my life. S-she made me p-promise that I wouldn’t go back to them.”
Ruby shifts closer, pulling our joined hands closer to her while taking one away to wrap around my upper arm.
“S-she died. Right there in front of me.”
“I’m so sorry, Ash,” she whispers, her voice sounding as rough as mine.
I suck in a breath and turn my head to look at her. Her cheeks are streaked with her tears and the makeup they’ve washed away and there are more threatening to spill.
Her breath catches as her eyes find mine. I have no idea what’s staring back at her but I can’t imagine I’m looking my best right now.
She releases my arm and reaches out to cup my cheek, her thumb wiping at my skin, collecting up the tears I didn’t even realize had fallen.
“She sounds like an incredible woman,” she whispers, her eyes holding mine. “And she was really lucky to have you.”
I bite down on my bottom lip to try to keep the sob in that threatens to erupt at her words. Instead, a laugh rips from my lips.
“I caused her nothing but shit for years.” I laugh again, recalling some of the things I’ve done to piss her off.
“You’re a teenager, that’s kinda what we’re supposed to do.”
“Little one, don’t try to tell me that you’ve ever pissed off your parents. You’re such a goodie-two-shoes.”
She smiles at me, and it makes something inside me feel a little lighter.
“I’ve had my moments. Plus, Mom’s still off with me because she thinks I had sex in her bed so...”
I laugh, dropping my head as I remember her angry little face as she tried to plead her innocence.
“That was good. You can’t deny that.”
“You’re an ass, Ashton Fury,” she says lightly, but the second she realizes what she’s just said, she gasps. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“Shush, it’s okay. Insult me all you want, it’s really not going to make my day any worse.”
“I’m—”
“Don’t. Don’t tell me you’re sorry again. None of this is your fault. None of this is anyone’s fault but—”
Her fingers press against my lips cutting off what she knows is about to fall from my lips.
“It was an accident, Ash.”
Parting my lips, I suck her fingers into my mouth, needing to think about something other than the grief that’s ripping me in two.
She smiles at me, her eyes darkening as my tongue laves at her.
“Ash,” she half moans, half warns, flicking a glance over at the grave before us.
I release her fingers but not because she wants me too or because she thinks it’s inappropriate, she should know by now that I don’t really give a shit about what everyone else thinks is okay. I release her because I can’t stop the words that spill from me. “She’d have loved you.”
“W-who? Your mom?”
“Yeah, my mom. She always wanted me to meet a sweet girl who was strong enough to stand up to me.”
“Ash, I’m not sure—”
I cut off her words in the same way she did me earlier, only I don’t leave my fingers at her lips long enough for her to do anything with them because I slide them around the back of her head and pull her lips to mine.
Pushing my tongue into her mouth, I lose myself in her kiss and she lets me take everything I need. Her hand wraps around the back of my neck and squeezes lightly, her touch warms me from the inside out and makes me realize that maybe I’m not as alone as I thought I was.
I didn’t want to move to Rosewood. I didn’t want to be with Dad and his new family. But things are changing faster than I know how to control.
Breaking our kiss, I rest my head against hers and stare down into her eyes. The green shines bright with a mixture of lust and emotions that are swirling within them.
“You deserve better than this,” I admit quietly. It’s the truth, she deserves a hell of a lot better than how I’ve treated her, how I’m sure I’m still going to treat her.
“Take what you need right now, Ash.”
“Fuck, little one.”
“We should probably go,” she suggests, pulling back from me.
I look around, suddenly realizing just where we are. The coldness from the ground beneath me seeps into my bones.
“Yeah, we should.”
I push to stand, taking her hand and pulling her up with me.
“They’re going to be waiting for you.”
I open my mouth to respond but I decide against it for now.
We both brush ourselves off before I turn to Mom’s grave once more. I pull Ruby into me and kiss her hair. Even in her heels, she’s so small that I can easily rest my chin on the top of her head.
“Thank you,” I whisper but it’s not too quiet for her to hear because she tenses in my arms.
“I’m here, Ash. Take whatever you need.”
I nod, silently accepting her words as I say my final goodbye to the woman who’s given the best part of her life to ensuring I have a future.
“Bye, Mom,” I breathe before turning my back on the grave and walking toward the gates with my arm locked around Ruby’s shoulders, her arms around my waist for support.