Once we’re outside the church grounds, I pull my cell from my pocket to call a car.
She spots what I’m doing and stops me.
“Your dad said a car was waiting for us.” She looks down the street until her eyes land on an idling car. “There.”
I allow her to lead me toward it, but I freeze when she opens the door and checks with the driver that he is indeed waiting for us.
She steps inside, tugging on my arm for me to join her but I don’t move.
“Ash?” she asks, her brows pulling together in concern.
I shake my head. “I can’t.”
“But—”
“Please, Ruby. Just go and... and I’ll be there in a bit.”
“But—” she tries again but I don’t have it in me to argue about this. “I’m sorry.” I close the door on her and bang my hand on the roof instructing the driver to leave.
I watch the car disappear and it feels like it takes a part of me with it.
I don’t look away until it turns the corner, only when I do look away, I just find myself looking over my shoulder to where she’s resting.
Dropping my head into my hands, I scream out my frustration and my pain. If any of the pedestrians are particularly concerned by my actions, then they don’t show it because while I stand there bleeding out my pain all over the sidewalk, everyone just continues on with their lives.
22
Ruby
I twist in my seat and watch him on the sidewalk as he stares at the car.
My heart aches for him and everything he’s going through, but I know forcing him to do anything he doesn’t want to right now is wrong.
He needs to do this in his own way and in his own time. And if he needs a breather before going to the reception, then who am I to judge? It’s not like I really have any experience with the kind of loss he’s experiencing right now.
I don’t look away until the driver turns the corner, and he disappears from my sight.
I glance at the driver and I almost demand he turn around so I can go back to him. But I don’t. I told him he could take whatever he needed to help get him through this, but I’m not forcing myself on him. If he wanted me beside him right now, I would be.
Fuck, why does that thought hurt so much?
I rub the heel of my hand against my chest as a shiver rips through me.
“I’m sorry, but is there any chance you could turn the heat up a little?” He agrees as I wrap my arms around myself and stare out of the window.
My eyes feel swollen from crying with Ashton, and my insides feel like they’ve been tossed around in a hurricane.
The drive to the reception is only short and long before I’m ready, the car is pulling up to some kind of hall.
“Thank you,” I mutter to the driver before pushing the door open and climbing out. The sun is already starting to drop behind the buildings making the city look darker than it actually is.
I smooth my coat down over my butt, appreciating that it’s probably covered in mud from sitting on the ground in the graveyard, but I can’t really find it in myself to care.
The second I step through the doorway, I feel like every set of eyes turns on me.
I suck in a breath as my stomach tumbles.
Stephen comes racing over, quickly followed by Mom.
“Where is he?” he asks in a rush.
“He... um... he needed a breather.”
“He’s coming though, right?”
I stare at him for a beat, concern for his only son bleeding from his eyes. “I don’t know, Stephen. I’m sorry. He’s... he’s really struggling.”
“Shit. Where is he?”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “But even if I did, I think it’s best you leave him to do his thing.”
He nods regretfully. “I wish things were different. I wish he’d let me in. What’s the secret?”
A shocked laugh falls from my lips. “You’re asking me? He hates me.”
Stephen shakes his head. “Ruby, come on. You’re smarter than that. My son doesn’t hate you, he just hates himself right now. But he’s let you in.”
My lips part to respond, but I’m too shocked to find any words.
“Please, just... look after him.”
“Stephen, I don’t think—” My words are cut off as some guy similar in age to Stephen walks over and holds his hand out to him. Both he and Mom turn the man’s way and introductions begin.
I blow out a breath and turn away from them in favor of finding the bathrooms. I feel like a hot mess and I’ve no doubt that I look like one too.
Spotting the sign, I make my way over, keeping my head down to ensure no one attempts to spark up a conversation with me.
Thankfully, it’s empty. I stop at the basin and risk looking at myself in the mirror.
My eyes are red and bloodshot, my skin is blotchy and my makeup is a disaster... well, mostly missing, to be honest.
I wipe at the black smears under my eyes before turning toward a stall and locking myself inside. I close the lid and sit down. Dropping my head into my hands and allowing myself a few quiet minutes to collect my thoughts.
Everything that Ashton told me spins around in my mind like a vortex, his pain blends with mine and his desperation makes my heart hurt.
I wish I could help, could take it all away, but there’s nothing I can do right now other than what he tells me.
My cell buzzes in my lap and I pull it out to find messages from both Harley and Poppy in our group chat asking how it’s going.
I’ve barely spoken to them since we left Rosewood, and guilt adds to what I’m already trying to deal with.
Seeing that Harley sent the most recent message, I hit call on her name and wait for it to connect. It’s not until it starts ringing that I realize that she’s probably at practice but as I’m about to hang up, she answers.
“Hey, how are you?”
I open my mouth to speak but no words come out, instead, a sob rips up my throat.
“Shit, Ruby. Hang on.” She covers the speaker, but I hear her tell Chelsea—I assume—that it’s me and that she’ll be back. “Hey, I’m here. What’s going on?”
“God, Har. It’s so awful,” I say honestly. “It’s like I’m watching him shatter before my eyes.”
“Ashton?”
“Yeah, who else?”
“I... I don’t know. What’s going on, Rubes?” A door closes but I pay it little mind and instead focus on my conversation.
“I... um... I slept with him.”
“Ruby,” she half sighs, half laughs.
“I’ve been staying at his old apartment with him. He took me to this insane party last night, and... ugh... I don’t know. One thing led to another and...”
“You gave him your V-card.”
“Yeah.”
“How was it?” she asks curiously.
“It was...” I blow out a breath. “Amazing. But then today happened and... ugh... I don’t know. This is a mess. He’s a mess. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Everything will be fine, Rubes. When are you back?”
“Our flights are tomorrow but I have no idea if we’re going to drive back again or what. Stephen’s car is here so...”