He thinks I don’t know what he’s doing. He thinks I’m oblivious that he’s got himself tangled up with the Kingston boys, that, or he doesn’t think I even know who they are in the first place.
Every day, I see a little bit more of the happy boy I knew drain out of him and in its place the anger, the dejection that it takes to do the kinds of things that I’m sure they’re going to ask of him. If we stay here too much longer, they’re going to pull him in so deep that they’ll never let him go.
That’s why we’re leaving.
That’s why I’ve saved every single penny, I could since the day Stephen left, to give us a new life, a good life, a life with prospects, a future. A forever.
I close the book and run my hand down my face.
She was planning on us leaving Seattle?
My brows pull together as I think back to the weeks and months before she died. I had no idea. Why didn’t she tell me?
Because you would have refused to leave, asshole.
I blow out a breath and open the book back up again. Just the sight of her handwriting has me on edge, but reading her words guts me in a whole new way. Knowing she had plans for her—for our—life. I shake my head.
Fuck, I miss you.
I turn to the next page and find a photograph of a house staring back at me.
It’s a stunning light gray colonial-style house with a front porch and yard. It has shutters on the windows and blooming flowers out front.
I run my finger over it as I imagine Mom standing on the porch in the sun enjoying the peace.
Needing to know more, I keep reading.
Maybe squirreling all the money away wasn’t the best idea in the short term. Both Ash and I have suffered because of it. But every time my stomach rumbles and we have no food in the apartment, I tell myself it’s worth it. That one day, we’ll have our home, we’ll have everything we could ever want.
He’s probably going to hate me when I tell him my plans, that I’m taking him away from the only home he’s ever really known, and I also know that he has every right to refuse. He’ll be eighteen. But it’s a risk I’ve got to take. As much as I’d have loved to do this years ago, I didn’t have the money to do it properly and starting over in a new place wouldn’t have been any better for us.
This way, he’ll have graduated, be able to start university, or community college, depending on how the next few months go, and we can have a real shot at happiness.
Maddison County might not be where I’ve always dreamed of living but I know it’s right for us.
It has good education opportunities for Ash. It has a thriving community, so I should be able to find a job. But most importantly, it’s close to Stephen.
I hate myself every day for how the relationship has turned out between Ash and Stephen. Ash blames him for everything, and I understand it, I watched my parents go through something similar. I know it’s easy to blame the person who leaves. But Stephen isn’t a bad person. Actually, he’s the best. It’s why I married him and had a baby with him. Things just... didn’t last. That flame you hope will burn forever just... went out.
I want to fix things. I want Ashton to get to know his dad. I want Stephen to be the incredible father I know he is.
I just want everyone to be happy and safe.
I close the book again and rest my head back against the wall.
Mom was going to move us to Maddison.
She’s right. There’s no way I would have gone willingly. But now I’m here and my life has changed in a way she never could have predicted, I can see that she was right.
I needed to get out of Seattle. If this past week being back there with the guys has taught me anything, it’s that I would have ended up dead eventually. I was only on the outskirts of the Kingston boys, but slowly, they were dragging me into the fold. My jobs were getting bigger, riskier. It was only a matter of time because my death would have been the only way out. Because once you’re in and you know their secrets, that is the only way they let you out of their clutches.
I flick through the rest of the pages, staring down at Mom’s words and stopping at some of the images she stuck in as she dreamed of our new life.
It’s not until I get to the very back that I find an envelope with a bank name stamped on it.
With my brows drawn together, I lift the flap and pull out the contents. The bank card is still attached to the letter like the day it arrived in the mail. The only thing different about it is that Mom’s written the PIN on the top.
My hand trembles as I hold it.
Is this our entire future that she’d been working toward in this bank account?
I shake my head once more, a smile pulling at my lips.
She really was giving us the chance to start over.
The temptation to go and find an ATM and discover just how much she was sitting on is high. But it’s late and I have no idea where one is.
I force myself to place everything on the nightstand before stripping down to nothing and heading for the shower. Not that I really want to wash Ruby’s scent off me but as much as it’s comforting, it’s torture at the same time.
She should be here with me right now, naked in my arms but instead, I fucked the entire thing up with my need for her and probably just proved to her once again why she does hate me as she claims to.
The scalding hot shower does little for my mood. My head is spinning with the revelations I discovered from Mom and my blood is running hot as I think about how Ruby looked up against that tree earlier.
I have a fitful night’s sleep full of dreams of colonial houses and Ruby in her cheer uniform and by the time my alarm goes off to ensure I’m at the venue in time for her finals this morning, I’m nowhere near ready to wake up.
There are people—cheerleaders—everywhere when I pull up to the sports complex on my bike. I thought yesterday afternoon was busy, but it was nothing like this. I knew cheer was big across the country but our squad in Seattle was nothing more than a piece of ass to have at football games and parties. They never competed in anything. Thank God, because after what I saw yesterday, I realize that they really weren’t in it for the sport, I really think they did just want to get on their knees for the players.
I park and make my way inside. Without a ticket to allow me entry, it takes a little work to get into the room where the final competition is taking place, but I soon sweet talk a cheerleader into smuggling me inside as her brother before dropping her the second I’m past the guards.
I find a seat in the shadows so I can watch her performance. I have no idea if Dad and Lisa are here. From the number of families I can see, I’d be amazed if they weren’t here to support Ruby. Neither of them seems like the kind of parents that wouldn’t go out of their way to be here for her moment of glory.
I have to sit and watch a few other finals—all just proving to me how good Ruby’s squad is in comparison—before the varsity finalists take to the stage.
The second I see her, nerves erupt in my belly. She looks tired and nervous, although still totally breathtaking. The tiny red and white Rosewood High cheer uniform fits her like a second-skin, and I realize in that moment just how much all of this means to her.
I’ve teased her about being a cheer slut time and again in my time here. But none of this is about gaining the attention of any sports team at school. This is her sport.