“Yup,” I mutter.
“Is... is everything okay? Harley said—”
“Everything is fine. Nationals is this weekend, I’m ready for this.”
She stares at me for long seconds. She doesn’t believe a word of it.
“You don’t have to lie to me, Ruby,” she says softly, reaching out for my hand. “I’m here as your friend, not just your captain. Some things are more important than cheer, nationals approaching or not.”
I suck in a breath, desperate not to allow the tears that are burning the back of my eyes to spill.
There’s a commotion at the main doors as the others begin to arrive and Chelsea looks up.
“Go wait in the office, let me set these up.”
“O-okay.” I really don’t want to talk, but at the same time, I really don’t need the squad seeing me fall apart.
I drop down on the chair in front of what should be Miss Kelly’s desk, should she ever actually be here. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her face that I wonder if she even still works here. Chelsea takes such good care of the squad though, it’s not like we actually miss her.
I stare up at the ceiling, willing my tears to subside.
I’ve never been a crier. In fact, until Ashton showed up in my life, I was never really affected by anything. I’ve always been totally level-headed. But add him into the mix and I turn into an emotional head case.
Fucking boys.
Chelsea joins me after a few minutes and drops down into Kelly’s chair, her hand instinctively going to her swollen belly.
“How’s she doing?” I ask, nodding to her belly.
“Perfect, but she doesn’t stop moving.”
“Little cheerleader, that’s why. Already somersaulting.”
She laughs but it doesn’t meet her eyes, she’s more concerned about me right now, which I kind of understand having looked at myself in a mirror.
“I slept with him,” I blurt. “He was hurting, things just... happened.”
“And then...”
“Then he put his walls back up and sent me away. He’s still in Seattle doing God knows what and I’m here trying to keep myself together. Our parents are at each other’s throats because of it,” I say, thinking of the shouting I’ve tried to drown out this weekend. I have no idea if Ashton and I are the full cause of the tension or if we’ve just piled a lot more on top of other shit they’re dealing with. Mostly, I try to stay out of their business and focus on my own life, but I can’t help feeling guilty that we’ve caused this. “It’s all just a mess.”
“Right...” She sits back, her hand still rubbing at her belly. “Do you love him?”
“W-what?” I ask, startled.
“Do you love him?”
“No, he’s an asshole.”
“Doesn’t stop you from falling, Rubes. Most of the guys on the team are assholes, but look at them coupling up.”
“Ash is on a different scale.” I think back to that factory of him pinning Natalie up against the wall, off his head on whatever he’d taken. I shake my head.
“The worse they are, the harder we fall, Rubes.”
“Do we have to talk about this? I just want to lose myself in cheer, focus on the weekend. Forget he even exists.”
“And what if he turns up before the weekend?”
“I can move in with you, right?” I ask jokingly, but she doesn’t return my amusement.
“Ruby,” she says seriously, leaning forward and placing her elbows on the desk. “This squad needs you. This squad can be yours in only a few weeks if you want it bad enough. But none of us are going to look down on you if you need some time out. Life’s hard, Ruby. I get that more than most these days. I have no doubt you’ll get to nationals again next year if you want to take a step bac—”
“No,” I interrupt, knowing where she’s going. “No, I’ve worked too hard for this. I want it too badly.”
“I know you do, Ruby. I wouldn’t be suggesting that you could lead this squad if I didn’t already know that. But I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine. I need this, Chelsea. I need a distraction.”
“And if he comes back before the weekend and becomes the distraction?”
“Then I’ll have to deal with that when and if it happens.”
She nods. “Okay. You’re going to be a good captain one day, Ruby. Cheer is in your blood. But you need to remember that the outside world exists sometimes.” Her words come out sounding sad, and I know that she’s talking from experience. “It’s too easy to get swallowed up by this life. I refuse to allow that to happen to any of you, and I need you to be aware of it, so you can ensure it doesn’t happen under your watch either.”
She pushes to leave but I stop her.
“Are you really serious about me taking over?” I hate to ask. I hate the vulnerability in my tone as I do. It’s what I’ve wanted from as early as I can remember and I’m right on the cusp of it. I’m equally as excited as I am terrified that it might actually happen.
“Yes, Ruby. I’m serious. After nationals, I need to nail Kelly down and make a plan. The girls are going to have to vote you in, so nothing is set in stone but I believe you’re the only one for the job, we just have to hope they all agree with me. Then together we can start auditions for next year.”
Butterflies take flight in my belly at the thought.
“But right now, nationals are our focus. You ready?” she asks, holding her hand out to me and pulling me in for a hug once I’m on my feet. “You know where I am, yeah. Don’t let his asshole ruin this for you. And remember, my offer still stands. The team will take him down should it become necessary.”
I can’t help laughing at the thought alone. “Ash isn’t a Rosewood boy, Chels. I’m not sure they’ll be all that much of a threat to him.”
I think of the guys he hangs around with. They make Jake and Ethan look like teddy bears.
“Okay, well, they’re behind you too should you need it.”
“I appreciate it, but it won’t be necessary. I can fight my own battles.”
“I know, but sometimes, you don’t need to do it alone.”
When we emerge from the office, Harley is leading the warm-up and Chelsea still has her arm slung around my shoulders.
“There’s your assistant captain right there, girl,” she whispers in my ear, and a wide smile curls at my lips.
Harley and I against the world... or the world of cheer at least. Hell, yeah!
I join the squad on the mats to complete the warm-up before Chelsea gets us into formation.
I slip back in as if I haven’t had a week away. It’s like coming home and it feels so good.
The rest of the week is like any other week at Rosewood. If we’re not practicing for the weekend, then we’re in class. We don’t even go to Aces with the team because we’re too exhausted. It’s exactly what I need to try to drag my head back from Seattle and away from the boy who messes with my mind.
I’ve not heard anything from him and every time I’ve spoken to Willow, she’s said a variation of “he’s okay.” I didn’t believe her when she first said it on the weekend, and I certainly don’t now. But what am I supposed to do about it?