“You need to leave.”
“I’ve barely started, little one. Do you have your room key?”
“No, absolutely no way, Ash.” I think of the room I’m sharing with Harley. No, just no.
“You need to leave, and I need to get back. Tomorrow is one of the most important days of my life and I don’t need to lose myself in you.”
“Aw, you get lost in me.”
“Do you give me much choice?” I snap. Now I’ve come back to myself, I’m angry and disappointed that I let him get to me so easily.
I should be stronger than this after the way things ended between us.
“Put me down,” I demand, trying to wiggle out of his hold and only successful with scratching up my back more.
“Fine,” he spits. “But this isn’t over.”
I right my clothing before staring him dead in the eye.
“It is, Ashton. This was the last time you’re getting anywhere near me. Consider it a goodbye fuck.”
“Ruby?” His brows pull together as if that hurt him, but I know better. Nothing I could say to him could hurt him. He only came here to get inside my panties, well, mission accomplished, asshole. I hope you enjoyed it because it’s not happening again.
“I suggest you go home, Ashton. I don’t want to see you here again this weekend.”
Before he gets to respond, I do exactly what he did to me in Seattle, turn my back on him and walk away as if he means nothing to me.
He doesn’t need to know that my heart is shattering all over again with every step I take.
29
Ashton
Watching her walk away is the least of what I deserve after what I’ve put her through. That being said though, it hurts like a motherfucker.
I stand there in the shadows for the longest time wondering if she’s gone straight back to the party with the evidence of what we just did dripping out of her or if she’s run straight past them and back to her room.
The temptation to see if I can follow her and find out which room is hers is strong, but I know she’s right. I need to give her the space she wants. This is her big weekend; I’d never forgive myself if I ruined it for her.
I know one thing though, I’m not leaving. I’m not missing out on a chance to watch her up on stage again tomorrow.
Like most guys, I like cheerleaders for one very good reason. But I’ve never really paid much attention to what they do unless they’re on their knees for me, so to say I was a little blown away by Ruby and her squad when they were up on stage earlier, would be an understatement.
She was utterly captivating as she defied gravity with some of those moves. I might not have hung around long enough to watch any other squads, I didn’t exactly have any interest in them, but I already knew who deserved to win.
After long minutes, I turn away from the music playing from the pool area where they’re all hanging out and head back toward the motel where I’ve booked a room for the night.
It didn’t take all that much research to find out where she’d be this weekend, and after snooping through her laptop that she’d helpfully left on her bed without a password, I soon found the hotel she was in.
Thankfully, Dad and Lisa weren’t in when I pulled up to the house this morning. It might have been a week since they left me in Seattle, but I have no doubt that they’re still pissed at me for corrupting their good little girl.
I unloaded everything I’d packed into Dad’s car before repacking a bag and heading back out. I know I’m going to have to deal with them, I’ve already put too much off, but I figured they could wait a few more days. Ruby was more important.
I knew I’d fucked up the moment I rejected her that morning. I didn’t need Willow turning up to confirm it. But equally, I really needed this past week to attempt to put myself back together.
I’ll be the first to admit that my life in Seattle was a mess and losing Mom really didn’t help at all. Being back there, having to bury her. It was all just too much.
It may have taken three drunken, and high days with the Kingston boys and without Ruby but by the time I woke up Tuesday morning with the same hangover I’d been suffering with almost since she left, I knew it was time to pull my head out of my ass and attempt to put my life back together.
And the first thing I needed to do was find her. To find her and to tell her how much I appreciated everything she did for me.
Although, I already know I’ve fucked that up.
She didn’t have to drive to Seattle with me, she didn’t have to stay in the apartment and she certainly didn’t have to try to hold me together while I was so insistent on falling apart.
I push the key into the lock of my motel room and swing the door closed behind me.
My bag is still sitting on the bed where I left it when I first arrived, I stare at it, knowing what’s inside.
Kicking my shoes off, I crawl onto the bed and pull my bag closer, unzipping it and pulling out the book that’s sitting on the top.
I found two full boxes of journals that I had no idea Mom wrote. Both of the boxes are sitting in my bedroom at Dad’s house. Those, along with a few other of her things I kept needing something of hers in the hope it helps me feel closer to her even though she’s gone.
I trail my fingertip over the embossed leather cover with this year’s date on it. I’ve not read any yet. I told myself that I’d have a few days in Seattle to lose myself as I sorted through the rest of the apartment and decided what to do with all the things that made up our lives then I was going to come back here, apologize to Ruby and attempt to rebuild my life.
Well, I’ve been back a few hours and I’m pretty sure I’ve fucked up that first part of my plan for being back here already.
I blow out a breath and tip my face to the ceiling.
Things can only get better, right?
Flipping the cover open, I prepare for what I might read.
January 1st
New year. New start. New me.
That’s what everyone says, right?
I guess it’s fitting because this is the year everything changes. This is the year I take life by the balls and do something I’ve been dreaming about for years.
Ashton graduates this year, or at least I hope he will. And then we are gone. Out of this hellhole that has bled so much life out of both of us.
I thought Seattle was my chance to start over when I came here for college. I had plans, dreams. I wanted to make something of my life. Be better than what I’d seen up until that point, be better than the people I’d been forced to spend my early years with.
And it was great. It was everything I wanted it to be.
I got my degree, the job, the boy.
Everything was perfect.
Until it wasn’t.
I can’t pinpoint exactly when things went wrong with Stephen—although if I were to read back a few years, maybe I’d find it—and to this day, I don’t think either of us did anything wrong. We just... grew apart. And through that, he found Lisa again, and I found... loneliness.
I’m happy for him. A part of me will love that man until my dying day. After all, he gave me my boy. A boy I would give my life for if I needed to.
That’s why it’s time for this to happen.