“You’re still the man I love. Even if you couldn’t speak, I’d love you.”
In a voice that sent a chill through Alexi, Cam responded. “I don’t know.”
The day had turned from magical to morose, and Alexi scooted over next to Cam, pressing himself against Cam’s sandy body.
“And yet you asked me to marry you.”
A sigh escaped Cam. “I love you.”
“And you know I love you too. So why not stick to our plan of getting married after I graduate?”
After a moment’s hesitation, Cam smiled up at him. “Sure. If that’s what you want.”
When Cam said nothing further, Alexi’s doubts rose, but he didn’t want to waste the rest of their time together. “I never thought I’d say it, but it’s been nice being back on the boardwalk. I’ve even missed Dmitri.” He grinned. “Don’t quote me on that.”
“You have?” Cam rolled over on his side. “I thought you’d be anxious to get away as soon as you came in to help. You were so done with the custard stand by the time you left.”
“I was. But I see my father took my suggestions. Did you notice how he renovated the stand?”
“Yeah. It looked different.”
“Totally. He kept the old-fashioned, Coney Island vibe, but he painted and finally put in a computer system for the cash register and updated the machines to hold more flavors. Plus he’s serving gelato as well as the custard, big soft pretzels, and told me he’s thinking about selling fudge or maybe saltwater taffy.”
“Oh, that would be awesome. He’d definitely grab more customers.”
“Sales are up over twenty-five percent during the same time period from the past five years.” He tried not to sound smug but couldn’t help it. “If things keep up, he may make as much this summer as he does during the year in the business with my uncle and can slow down like my mother wants.”
“That would be great.”
He pressed a kiss to Cam’s shoulder and tasted the salt of the sea. “It’s funny, you know. I grew up here, listening to the sound of the water every day of my life. I didn’t realize the air didn’t normally have a salty tang until I moved away and couldn’t smell the ocean. Now that I’m home?” Cam kissed his cheek. “I miss it all so much. I know New York is a giant city, but I’ve only ever been here. This little piece of heaven where the earth meets the sky. I miss the early morning sunrise over the waves and the gulls. Do you know, even in the winter I’d come to the beach and sit on a blanket. The waves might crash, and the wind might blow, but I felt so at one with nature.”
Feeling a bit foolish, he sat up and hugged his knees to his chest. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to go on and on.”
Cam’s arms came around his waist to hold him close. “Don’t ever be ashamed to show emotion. I’m sure you have mixed feelings. It’s only natural. Life continues, no matter where we live day to day. The trash still needs to get taken out wherever we live, and bills need to be paid.” Cam kissed his neck and Alexi leaned on him, giving himself over to the magical feeling that never failed to fill him with desire whenever Cam touched him.
“Do you ever regret it?” Being so busy at school, he and Cam rarely had these moments together where they could concentrate solely on each other.
Cam’s kisses, which had progressed from his neck to his shoulder, stopped. “Regret what?”
“Moving to England?”
“Baby, what’s going on? Talk to me.”
He had no clue. Ever since he’d come home, the things that used to bother him about Brooklyn and Coney Island now seemed comforting and familiar. He hadn’t been gone even a full year, and yet everything was different. Not to mention seeing how Babushka had aged. That, above everything else scared him the most. A chill ran through him, and he refused to dwell on the thought of something happening to her with him being thousands of miles away. And yet it sat, hovering in his mind every day.
“I guess I’m wondering if what you said is true. That no matter where we are, eventually the everyday stuff takes over until it becomes just another place.”
His expression unreadable behind the dark sunglasses, Cam retreated to his towel and leaned back on his hands. “So, I guess I should be the one asking the question. Do you regret going?”
Sitting in the sun, watching the waves crash to the shore, Alexi could answer yes and be truthful. But thinking about his experience the past year, meeting all the other students from around the world, walking the streets with Cam, discovering all the beauty and history around every corner, he had to tell Cam what was in his heart.
“No. I love it there. As much as I love being home, being in England has given me confidence to know I can make it away from here.” He slung an arm around Cam’s neck. “With you by my side, of course.”
“Yeah, of course.”
Alexi darted a sharp look at Cam. “Why did you say it like that?”
“Like what?” He stood and shook out his towel. “Your break is over. Your father’s going to be waiting for you.”
“Yeah, I know.” Alexi followed suit and shook out his towel as well, standing away to prevent getting hit from the spray of grit. “But you sounded hesitant. You like living in England, don’t you? You never said you didn’t.”
“Sure. Anywhere I’m with you is the perfect place.”
Those words, while pretty, sounded hollow, and they walked silently up the beach toward the boardwalk. With longing, Alexi took one last look at the waves.
“Hey, I never gave you an answer, you know.”
They walked several more yards until they reached the place where the steps met the sand. Cam stopped and leaned against the post.
“I know. I figured it was a no after the talk we had.”
“It’s not a no. I want to marry you. I just get the feeling there’s something else you’re hiding from me. Why won’t you talk to me? If I’ve done something, let me know.” Unaccustomed to seeing Cam sad, Alexi reached out and touched his face. “I love you.”
Cam dropped his towel and pulled him close. “It’s not you, baby. It’s me.”
“I told you before it doesn’t matter to me if you can sing anymore or not. I love everything about you.” Cam trembled and Alexi held him tighter. “Tell me.”
“I can’t go back to England with you.”
5
“What do you mean, you can’t go to England with me?” Alexi tipped his head up to stare into Cam’s grim, unsmiling face. “We live there. Together.”
“But my visa is up. I can’t return to England. They won’t let me. Unless I have a job, of course, and I don’t have one.”
Feeling like his world had suddenly gone dark, Alexi leaned against the boardwalk railing. “But have you tried? I thought you were doing that while I was in class.”
Eyes wide and agitated, Cam paced in front of him. “I did…at first. But everywhere I went, I’d get turned down. I have no special skills, ’Lexi. Nobody wants a failed opera singer.”
“So for months, you’ve been doing what?”