Slanting him a guilty look, Cam shrugged. “Researching. You don’t understand how it is.”
“Help me to. I’m trying, but you just blew everything I thought I knew out of the water.” Alexi grabbed Cam’s arm when he passed in front of him and pulled him close. “Cam, please.”
“You need to get to work. I don’t want your father to go off on you.”
“Then tonight? At home?”
After a moment’s hesitation, Cam nodded. “Okay.”
Alexi hugged Cam. “I love you. No matter what, we’ll work through it.”
Cam’s brief hug in return did little to quell Alexi’s fears, and during the afternoon, he confided Cam’s shocking news to Dmitri, who, to Alexi’s surprise, was sympathetic to Cam’s position.
“What did you expect, cuz?”
They talked as they doled out custard and gelato to the line of customers stretching out to the middle of the boardwalk.
“What do you mean? Cam never said anything. I thought he was happy—he always said he was.” Alexi jammed the gelato on top of a cone with such force, it broke in half. “Sorry.” He apologized to the woman waiting with her friend, threw the mangled treat into the garbage and fixed her another one.
“No worries.” She leaned her hip against the counter. “Relationship problems?”
A bit startled that this stranger stuck her nose into his conversation, Alexi gave her a vague smile but Dmitri, of course, couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
“Yeah. My cousin, Alexi, and his boyfriend moved to England so Alexi could study. His boyfriend left his job here to go live with him but his visa is up, and he has to come home ’cause he can’t find a job over there.”
“Oh,” she said with sympathy. “It’s really hard to get a job overseas unless you have something special to offer or you have a sponsorship.”
“I thought he could find something, making it easier for him to get the visa.” Alexi handed her the freshly made cone of gelato, and Dmitri took her money.
“No, it doesn’t work like that.” She pocketed the change. “You need to apply before you even go.”
“Thanks.” Alexi’s mind worked furiously. Another thing Cam didn’t tell me.
“Less talking and more taking care of the customers.” His father appeared behind him. “If you want to gossip like a bunch of old women, go do it somewhere else.”
Dmitri snickered. “Don’t let Babushka hear that, Dyadya. Ouch.” He rubbed his shoulder where Alexi’s father had smacked him and despite his worry, Alexi smiled. It faded instantaneously as he thought about facing Cam that night to discuss their future.
Dinner was pretty much a silent affair, with Cam staring into his salad bowl and pushing his fork around and around. Alexi too could only manage a few bites until finally, he threw down his fork with a resounding clatter.
“This is dumb. Cam. Talk to me. Tell me what’s been happening.”
Cam propped his chin in his hands. Tense lines bracketed his unsmiling mouth. “I didn’t think when I decided to join you last year. All I knew was, our separation was driving me crazy. I missed you so much that when I decided to surprise you and come, I never looked into the long-term consequences of what would happen in my life.”
“But you found out when?”
A guilty expression clouded Cam’s eyes. “Um, about two months in, when I started to make inquiries about working.”
Alexi tossed his napkin on the table, his anger rising. “And yet you said nothing to me? Why? Why were you hiding that? Letting me think you were able to get a job and boom.” He snapped his fingers. “Everything would be perfect. It wasn’t ever going to happen like that, was it?”
“You were involved with classes and making friends. I didn’t want to be a drag for you.”
Alexi’s heart hurt at Cam’s distress. “You could never be a drag. Why do you keep saying that?”
“Because…because it’s the truth. Whether we want to open our eyes and admit it or not.” He reached his hand across the table and Alexi grabbed it. “Don’t you see, baby? You’re making a whole new life, meeting people from all over the world, doing everything you’ve ever dreamed of. I’ve lived that life already. Maybe I should take a step away and let you fully embrace it. On your own.”
Furious, Alexi dropped Cam’s hand and glared at him. “Oh, so there you go again. Making decisions for my life, without consulting me first. Why do you think you have the right to do that to me? To us? Is that how love works? You don’t treat me as your equal—your lover. Aren’t we in this together?”
“We aren’t equal. Not in my eyes.”
Alexi’s heart constricted in his chest. “How can you say that?”
“Because.” Cam stood and kicked his chair away. “You have the bright future. The chance to shine and do what you love. You have everything. I have nothing to give. And I won’t hold you back.”
Cam’s brittle smile didn’t fool Alexi. He strode over to Cam and held his shoulders, forcing Cam to stare into his eyes.
“I fell in love with you for your free spirit and love of life. My everything is because of you and your love. How could that be nothing?”
Cam faced him, eyes warm with love and pain. “Because I love you, and I don’t want to be a burden. I won’t be. If I go home and get my old job back, I can come for visits on holidays. It won’t be so bad.”
Cam’s forced smile couldn’t hide his unhappiness with the situation. It wasn’t what either of them wanted. “No, it wouldn’t. And maybe, in the end, it will be what we decide. Hear what I said? We. Not you. Not me. Us. Together. Because that’s the way it should be.” As Alexi spoke, Cam nodded, slowly at first, then more vigorously.
“I agree. I was wrong.”
Alexi granted him a brief smile. “That’s one thing we both agree upon at least. But what’s more important to me is why you don’t tell me things. First you didn’t tell me about your doctor’s appointment. Now there are visa problems, and you can’t find a job in England. What else aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing. I promise.” After taking Alexi’s hand in his, Cam placed both over his heart. “Trust me. I’m sorry, baby. When you lay it all out like you just did, I see how selfish I was being. I’m used to being on my own. And…” He dipped his head for a moment. “Maybe you’re right and I wasn’t treating you as an equal. I don’t want to burden you with my problems.”
“Sharing your life means the good as well as the bad. Remember what I went through with my father last year? Would you want me to have kept that from you?”
“Of course not. I wanted to be there for you. You needed me.”
“Exactly. Don’t you need me, Cam?”
Cam stroked his cheek. “Every single day and night.” He slid his arms around Alexi’s waist, and they stood chest-to-chest, their hearts beating in rhythm.
“Then have trust in us.”
Cam kissed the top of Alexi’s head. “I shouldn’t think that because you look so sweet it means you’re not strong.”