‘What a fuss for a couple of words. I livened up the evening a bit, didn’t I?’ Teo mutters defiantly. And suddenly, I can’t stop myself. My foot darts out and stamps on his, with determination and malice. No one notices, or if they do no one reproaches me.
‘Will you stop that?’ I blurt out, unable to hide my anger.
Teo moans, unable to retaliate, his eyes wide with pain and anger.
The professor studies him carefully. ‘Where have I seen you before?’ he asks, observing me too. I pray that he won’t remember, but naturally my prayers are not heard.
‘You’re the student from the other day!’ he exclaims.
I pray to any god that might be listening to open a chasm in the floor to swallows me whole!
Teo’s father is immediately on the alert. ‘What else has this miscreant been doing?’
The professor is about to speak and sacrifice me to public shame, but perhaps someone up there has taken pity on me after all.
‘Gentlemen?’
Dr. Portinari approaches us again. He doesn’t seem angry, but I could be wrong.
‘My dear Dr. Portinari!’ exclaims the professor ‘Please let me explain…’
‘First, let me congratulate you on the show,’ he says happily, and mine and the professor’s jaws drop in unison. You can almost hear the crack of bone joints dislocating.
‘I… we… you…,’ the professor stammers, completely off guard.
‘I love the idea of explaining your ideas through comic bickering. It’s a great way of making a difficult subject more appealing,’ he continues with conviction.
‘Right?’ I reinforce, taking the ball and running with it. ‘And it was all the professor’s idea!’
He emerges from his torpor and realises that he has to play along. ‘Quite! Like I always say: we must try and make research more accessible to ordinary people. I must say that the doctor’s interpretation was impeccable.’
‘Impeccable indeed,’ agreed Portinari, looking at me. ‘It was totally convincing. Anyone would think you were arguing for real!’
‘Hey, I deserve credit too!’ intervenes Teo. I would like to rip his eyebrows with my bare hands, I swear.
‘I quite agree. Mr. Pagani, I didn’t know you had an actor son.’
Mr. Pagani is noticeably in some difficulty, but like the professor he soon rallies and takes the opportunity to dig himself out of a hole. ‘Well, my son actually has many hidden talents.’
‘Well hidden,’ I think to myself. Have we got away with it? I’m not so sure.
‘It would be interesting to see some more funny discussions like it,’ says Portinari hopefully, and I wonder if he has any idea of the colossal foolishness he is nurturing.
‘Oh, but this is just a taste,’ says Teo, surprising us all.
‘Really?’ asks Portinari.
‘Really?’ we all ask in chorus.
‘I have just created the Semiotic Diversions format, which will be produced by us very soon. And the star of the show: Dr. Doria. Tell him, Pops.’
Senior Pagani stares for half a second, but then he is master of himself again. ‘Sure. We have invested a lot in this project.’
‘But this is marvellous!’ Portinari squeaks, hopping on one foot. And the doctor has agreed, has she?’
Four pairs of eyes stare at me and I realise I am trapped. Again.
‘Yes,’ I reply in a faint voice, cursing my luck and the evil man who seems to be influencing it lately.
15
Teo
Sara was right, I am a total arseface.
The idea was to embarrass her boss, but it all went wrong, the way that it usually does whenever she’s involved. I can’t seem to stick to anything I set out to do. I didn’t want to kiss her again, but I kissed her, I had ruled out chasing after her and… now I have an urgent need to do it. Because of the plan, I mean. The plan has undergone some variation and I decide that I am like Caesar, committed to formulating new strategies against the Gauls.
Except I’m not fighting against a country, I’m fighting against one tough woman who will fall. Oh rest assured that she will fall, as sure as my name is Teodoro Pagani!
‘So, where are you at with the format?’ my father barges into my office as usual. These days he’s more annoying than a leech. I suppose I’ve only myself to blame: I spoke without realising what I was saying.
‘You know I have no idea how to write a format,’ I say, and it’s true. I don’t even know where to start.
‘Well, you’d better figure it out, and quickly. It’s your idea, and we’re on a tight schedule. We need to shoot the pilot. You almost made us a laughing stock a few nights ago, and then by some unknown miracle you had an idea. An idea that you will now develop adequately if you don’t want to lose credibility. The time has come for you to show everyone what you can do.’
I pirouette on the swivel chair. ‘If you like the idea so much, why don’t you write it?’
‘Because I’m not going to do your job for you. It’s your idea, and your responsibility to carry it forward. And if you don’t, I will kick your arse.’
Oh, very nice! So it’s a full-scale ambush!
‘Is this is just an excuse to send me away and have a clear conscience? You would do this to your only son?’
My father shakes his head, laughing. ‘You don’t understand, Teo. I don’t want to send you away and I’m not trying to make your life difficult, but it’s time for you to grow up now. I’m sure you can do something. You should have more faith in yourself.’
He leaves me alone to reflect on my bad luck. Bad luck that, in truth, I made for myself. I could have just kept quiet and instead I opened my mouth to offer an unexpected loophole to that woman. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but then… Wait a minute!
She has a moral duty to help me, doesn’t she? When you get right down to it, she is the inspiration for the format, so she will have to come up with something to make people laugh out of her bland subject matter.
Without thinking, I grab the phone and… damn it! I don’t have her number.
Ok, Plan B. Two birds with one stone. I’ll go to her and I will bribe her with feelings of guilt and… a surprise.
*
It’s late afternoon when I arrive at the university. The air is starting to cool and the traffic is so bad I crawl long at a snail’s pace for the entire journey, making me swear several times. Damn it, instead of driving all the way out here, why didn’t I just call Silvio and scrounge her number from him? It would have been much easier, but no.
Anyway, if I’m going to model myself on Caesar I should do things with a certain dramatic flair.
Muttering under my breath I manage to find, God knows how, an empty parking space. The charges are extortionate, but that’s OK, there are always sacrifices to be made when undertaking a grand enterprise.
I feel at my most charming today, and the admiring glances from the girls milling around the faculty confirm it: I bet they wouldn’t turn down a ride on my carousel of delights.
Sorry, gorgeous, for the moment my weapon is sheathed; enlisted on a mission with a higher purpose.
I must look like a maniac hanging around in front of the exit like this. I don’t know anything about her timetable, I could wait here all evening in vain, but if I know her, she is one of those people who bury themselves in their work until their colleagues shoo them from the building. And in fact my patience is rewarded, because about three quarters of an hour later I see her among a group of students, heading towards the exit. Observing her, I notice that she seems quiet and withdrawn. She’s just standing there without addressing a word or a smile to anyone, aloof, proud and… thoughtful?