“Kira retrieved one of our operatives and some key allies in this fight,” Ashanti said.
“If these people were so important to the cause, they could have been removed from the Rutherglen’s residence with a minimum of fuss. The avatar need not to have been involved. The surveillance footage I’ve received all show her making a spectacle of herself. And she made mention of Lilith?”
Ohhkay, that was not the right thing to say. My sight darkened, so I only partially saw the gasps and the hand wringing, the whispered and not so whispered asides. Chickee babe with the migraine inducing do merely smiled tightly. Honest to goddess, there were women waving their hands through the air with ritualistic gestures, others jumping on their phones to report back. Some got up, moving to the door, others shrank down in the chairs.
“Well, obviously a monster,” I said, standing up, my spine feeling impossibly long, my teeth razor sharp as I smiled, just to see princess bitchface’s falter. She thought she knew what she had, until now. “Maybe I should have been smarter and more strategic. Maybe I should’ve sent someone else to stop the Rutherglen from beating Marlow’s fucking brains out.” More squeaks at that. “Maybe I should’ve left Jennifer and Vervain there for her father to brutalise, but I’m just a girl who swallowed an ancient demon goddess, who all of a sudden had all of this power at my fingertips.” I inspected the long claws that appeared on the end of each hand. “I did what anyone would—I helped the people that I care about.”
“And what about the people we care about?” the woman hissed, getting to her feet, slamming her hands down on the table.
“Sylvia—” Ashanti warned, but I cut her off.
“No, Sylvia, have your say, because I can’t promise you’ll get this opportunity again.”
“We women fight every day to maintain our independence and our autonomy. We’ve fought centuries just to get here, and we’re still second-class citizens, still brutalised in the streets and at home! And then you come along, a child with the power of a goddess! You meddle with things you don’t understand and create situations that only exacerbate the issue! You’re supposed to be our saviour!”
Sylvia looked surprised by her words, almost as much as I was, and when I looked around the room, her expression was mirrored by many there.
“A saviour that knows nothing about what she is or who she’s supposed to be. A saviour who’s been led around by her nose, and then oh, goes and does what she thinks is right, only to make things worse. Do you think I wanted this?” I stabbed a finger to the map. “Do you really think I want this on my conscience? I saw them, the kids, Ashanti’s people as they tried to get to Aragide. I saw Rutherglen whispering pure poison to the cops who were going to brutalise those people. It was an actual tangible thing, red smoke in the air. He has Sky Daddy’s power now, you know. Put me on my arse and nearly killed one of my consorts. I know what kind of shitty situation I’m in and what I’ve done.” My voice broke on that, but I forced myself on. “But I can’t fucking change that. So what are we gonna do going forward? If I’m your ‘saviour,’ what do you want me to do?”
Sylvia settled back in her chair, her composure returning while I struggled to find mine. And then the discussion began.
This is not working, I said to Lilith as I slumped over the desk, head on my hand.
A wolf does not ask the sheep what they wish. A wolf does what it wants.
Well, this wolf would like to rip the rape drug fucks a new arsehole.
Creative. Not sure how that will teach them a lesson, though.
It’s a figure of speech. My eyes came back to the map, scudding over every single dot. They aren’t though.
No. Doing something about that? This we agree on.
“Ladies,” Ashanti said finally, her usually serene façade cracking for the first time since I’d seen her. “We will need to adjourn things for now. We’ve been here for hours, and we are no closer to a solution we can all agree on. We will find another time—”
“Tomorrow,” Soraya said, scanning the room, noting the many nods.
“Tomorrow will work, but we are in the midst of a withdrawal.”
“Something we may all need to consider. Is Aragide open to us as well?” Sylvia asked me, but I looked straight at Ashanti.
“It appears the complex is fluid in nature and responds to the occupants wishes,” she replied. “We can discuss that tomorrow. In the meantime, talk to your communities, check with them what they wish to do.”
That seemed to be that, and everyone started filing out of the room, some eyeing me warily, others talking with great animation. Everyone but Soraya. I thought this was to be a ‘hey, mate, how come you’ve ditched the Aussies for them’ talk, but as she approached, I saw the tense set to her shoulders.
“Soraya,” Ashanti said, obviously fighting to stay polite.
“Ashanti, I know we’ve had our differences, but I thought this was important.” Her eyes switched to me. “When we got word of what you were, we had some of our operatives set up surveillance on the family home. It seemed too neat, to have your family so close to the Rutherglen estate.”
She flicked a hand, and a series of video feeds appeared where the maps were moments ago, an all too familiar sight appearing—Mum and Dad’s place, Nan’s, mine. I felt something tighten in my throat as I stared at them, but it took a moment to realise what was wrong. The grass was much too long for one, Dad being a stickler about keeping it neat and tidy. The leaves piling up on the porch, the dark, flat reflective glass of the windows were another. There was something dead, empty, lifeless about each place as I stared, my eyes flicking from one to the other.
“They’re gone,” I said.
“For some time,” Soraya agreed.
Chapter 19
I strode down the halls of Aragide, my head feeling like it was full of bees. Buzzing, whirring, stinging bees. I walked blindly, just trusting the palace would help me find my destination, because my eyes couldn’t. They were smeary and blurred, but I just frowned and ploughed on.
I was angry, every muscle tensed, every footstep slammed down on the gorgeous mosaic floor of Aragide. It didn’t help though, striding, stomping, gritting my fucking teeth. There was no enemy to fight, so my body was no help. No, the fight was within.
The map I’d seen, Quinn’s words, her battle on the streets, they all hit me like body blows, but they were blunt force trauma. To know I was somehow responsible, that I needed to step up and be a saviour? I felt the selfsame powerlessness and aimless frustration most people feel when faced with large scale problems, unable to see how one person could make much of a difference.
Which is what men like Rutherglen rely on, Lilith replied.
The rest? The pain and frustration was more surgical.
I’d left the family home without even a backwards look. I’d transitioned, transformed, become something so odd, so different, the place held no meaning for me. They’d called me butterfly. Well, that place and those people were my cocoon, and I’d fluttered away from it all.
I didn’t like that, the awkwardness on the phone with Mum, the sure knowledge that no matter what they had done, they’d done their best to care for what they thought was a sick daughter. I didn’t like how little I’d cared about that once I’d become fae. This had to be the basis of the changeling child—one that goes from a previously loving and obedient child to this…whatever I was now. Because I wasn’t devastated by the loss of my family, terrified about where they were, plagued by visions of them strapped to chairs under the Rutherglen estate. No, I was just pissed that I didn’t feel those things.