There’s something so terribly brave about your heart once it opens to someone. You let them in, let everything in. Aen’s words echoed inside my head, right when I felt anything but brave.
“I’m sorry,” I said, smiling even when my face felt stiff. “For a girl with a whole suite of dudes on the hook, the ‘L’ word freaks me out. You know you don’t need to ask, but if it’s important to you, then of course. You guys will be beautiful brides, and I couldn’t think of anyone I’d want as a life partner to my friend than you. You love her, went through hell to be with her. That’s what I want for Jen—for someone to make her their focus, give her their whole heart, and you so obviously have. Just… I don’t have to wear a dress or anything to the ceremony, do I?”
She flung herself at me, my arms going around in surprise when she surrounded me in a hug.
“I get it. You’re butch. I’d never do that to you.”
“But seriously,” I said, “make the proposal a big bloody deal. Jen’s been nurturing ‘someday my prince will come’ fantasies for a long time. If you’re gonna do this, you need to step up to that.”
“Yeah?” Vervain’s face was radiant, so radiant, I wondered how she was going to pull off casually having a bath with her lover when she went back inside. “I can work with that. Seriously work with that. Thank you! You’re going to be the maid of honour, and you’ll have to haggle the dress thing out with Jen, K? Bye!”
And with that, she bounced away from me, retreating inside their suite and shutting the door decisively behind her, just leaving Johnno and I in the hall. I looked at him, because I felt his gaze on my skin and all the questions held back behind it, but he didn’t say anything. He just pulled me closer, ignoring my cranky expression, and I buried it in his chest as his arms went around me. I hated it—the warm weight of him, the smooth slip of his T-shirt, smelling of sunshine, lemon detergent, and him. I hated the way it slowed my heart rate, increasing and alleviating the ache inside me. I hated his lips brushing the top of my head.
I hated it because I loved it.
Chapter 20
“Catch up with Aen,” Johnno said at the training room door. “Looks like Jake and Marlow are in there. I’ll find the others.”
“OK.” My fingers tightened around his when he went to pull away. “Thanks for this, Johnno.” I felt like I should say more, but I didn’t have the words.
“Don’t be. I said I wanted to be a better man, and you’re giving me a chance at that.” His grin was bright, so bright in a way I felt like I hadn’t seen for ages. “I love being a musician, but this? This is bigger, better. Stay here, I’ll be back soon.”
I paused in the doorway. Marlow and Jake were sitting down against the wall, watching Aen, beers at their sides. Aen was in female form, twirling great ropes of fire around her in a series of elegant movements, something that caught all of our eyes. You couldn’t help but look at her, her red hair flaring out as she swung around, her limbs making achingly beautiful shapes. I felt a hot flush of something as they chatted and watched Aen move, shifting forward without a thought, a growl in my chest. She spun around at that, and for a moment, that perfect oval of a face was completely unguarded as she looked to see who’d interrupted her practise. She blushed, her fire dissolving into nothing on the sandy floor as she just stared for a second. I strode across the room, taking in her tight-fitting training clothes hugging her curves, and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight.
Mine, came a rumble inside me.
“Hello, love, how did the meeting—”
I cut her off, dragging her lips down to mine, needing her taste, and it took several long kisses to satisfy me.
“They’ve been watching you train? Like this?” I asked, holding her in front of me and inspecting her clothing.
“I was showing the two of them some techniques to use with their powers. They were practising most of the morning, so I decided to get some time in myself when they were having a break. Are you…jealous?”
Aen looked pleased somehow by that, way too pleased. She tried to hide it when I looked up at her, but no, it was still there. I could feel it inside her, something that flared hot in response to me, and then I breathed it in. Just a hint at first of a sweet, smoky, almost floral scent, but it got deeper the closer I got, until I dragged my nose along her neck, taking great lungfuls of it.
“Is that your bloom?”
She held herself very still as she stared down at me, those eyes burning bright green before she nodded. I grabbed her by the wrist, hauling her over to the opposite wall to where the guys sat talking, their voice a low murmur as I pushed her against it.
“Are you turned on right now?”
“Always,” she said with an exasperated toss of her head. “I thought this was going to get easier, but seeing as you’re attracted to both forms, I feel like each part of me is clamouring for your attention.” Her jaw flexed, a small frown formed. “I didn’t want to tell you… Oh!”
I didn’t know what devil was riding me, but my hand slid down the front of her pants, and when I found her soaking for me, I had to push my fingers in deeper, didn’t I? Her clit rolled between my fingers like a marble in oil, her rapid breaths telling me just how she liked that.
“Kira, what…?”
She was trying to stay in control, her hand biting down on my shoulder as I crowded into her, thumb rubbing her clit as I pushed two fingers into her. There was no reason for this, the guys weren’t even watching Aen that closely when I walked in, but I’d been hit by the most sudden wave of possessiveness, something that seemed to only be soothed by witnessing her come apart on my hand. I was brutal, efficient, getting her off with a minimum of fuss, otherwise, it was likely to draw the attention of the others. I just wanted her, her, her.
Because you love her, I thought. You told him, but not her.
Oh.
Did I need to finger her until she shattered, her head lying against the wall, pale neck revealed and ready for biting, those lambent eyes finally falling closed? Did I need to watch the sharp jerk of her hips, the tremors racking her body, feel her cunt snap tight around my fingers, as she covered me with her slick? Actually, probably yes. I didn’t have the language that Vervain had yet. Even Johnno. But I had this—feeding the needs of my loves’ bodies, connecting with them on a level I could understand.
But that won’t be enough, not for long, Lilith said. I told you, work out what you want and move towards it, because it will not stay like this. Skin hunger is merely the first step. Revel in it all you wish. She paused, as if imagining just that, and as we felt the velvet clutch of Aen’s cunt, we both knew we’d like that very much. But fae find it hard to keep their hearts out of what they connect with. You are becoming connected.
“Goddess, what brought that on, and how can I make that happen again?” Aen said wearily, smiling crookedly as I pulled my hand free, and it faltered when I licked my fingers clean.
“I love you.”
Maybe this wouldn’t be so hard. She flushed even pinker, looking mussed, pleased, and flustered.