“Don’t look at me like that,” he said, a much more familiar hardness returning. “I’m not the monster you like to make me out to be. They’re my brothers, as much as Johnno is. I care about what’s happening. I care about what’s happening to them.”
“Because of your geas.”
He shook his head, smiling bitterly. “That just makes sure I do it. It can’t make me care. I do that on my own.” His eyes dropped to the floor. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing the right thing. That’s what I came here to say. If they give you shit, don’t back down. They haven’t done much to school you in the ways of all this avatar crap. This would go a long way toward that. There’s a lot of expertise here. Put yourself under that, and you’ll emerge a leader who can achieve great things and keep your people safe.”
Silence fell over the hallway now, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable one. Rather, it gave his words time to sink in until there was just me, him, and the sounds of our breaths.
“I should go, get some breakfast.” He moved to get to his feet, but a bread roll filled with bacon and egg dropped into his lap and mine. His eyes flicked around, as if they could work out where it came from, until they settled on me.
“Not me,” I said. “Aragide’s got its own ideas about these things.”
“Yeah? Is it any good at making coffee, because I could fucking murder—” A tall travel mug appeared at his knee, steam coiling up from its surface.
“You’ve just got to ask, and it’ll give you pretty much everything you want,” I said.
“Not everything.”
He’d stared at me like this in my dreams, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing, then was congratulating himself when he did. I saw the heat flare, felt that conditioned response inside me that wanted to crawl towards him, pull his lips down on mine, and taste that smart fucking mouth.
He could tell. He took a deep breath, inhaling my bloom and fighting the urge to smile, wrapping those long fingers around his cup instead and taking a sip. He knew me, Liam. That’s what I liked to forget. We’d spent countless nights together, twined in each other’s arms, reaching for… My hand tightened around my food, hearing the crackling of the paper, feeling the warmth before I peeled it back and forced myself to take a bite.
It was delicious, but not the taste I was after.
By the time the delegates from the Sisterhood had gathered again, the rest of my crew had arrived.
“Please don’t leave without waking me,” Mark rumbled, tugging me into his side and placing a kiss on my temple. “You scared the shit out of us. No one knew where you were.”
“We just knew you and Liam were missing,” Johnno looked across at his brother, “and we started putting two and two together.”
“Not the right two and two then,” the man himself snapped back. “We had a little pep talk, didn’t we, Kira?”
I shrugged, then nodded, the rest of them looking concerned but not willing to talk further about it as people started to file inside the door.
So there we were, standing before them—my consorts, Mark, and Luc, with Vervain and Jen having joined us. I’d spelled out our ideas we’d had, initially confidently, still able to feel the rush of my conversation with Liam. But as the ladies’ eyes bore into me, my words got slower and I started stumbling over more. Johnno had reached out and taken my hand, just rubbing his thumb across my knuckles.
“Take a deep breath,” he whispered.
That felt like dumb advice. What could a breath do? But I did it anyway, as there weren’t any other solutions forthcoming. However, when the air escaped my lungs, I did feel more settled. I looked up, met all those eyes and continued.
“I’m sorry for the chaos I’ve caused. Some of it I could have predicted with a little thought, some of it I couldn’t. I’m sorry either way. I don’t want men brutalising their wives and children because of me. I don’t want others raping women while they’re still conscious but unable to fight back. I don’t want anything from Rutherglen but snapping his neck like a chicken. I get the rush to get to the trials, but what Sylvia said really made me think. I might have the tools for becoming a saviour.” I looked down the line of my friends, lovers, and consorts. “But I don’t have the skills, not yet. What I’m proposing is an apprenticeship of sorts. I’ll work with you and your delegates to try and do something about some of the shit Rutherglen’s causing. I’ll follow the Sisterhood, Ashanti, and Duke’s advice. We’ll plan everything out before I act. That way, I’ll get some field experience in helping people and learn how to use the powers I’ve got before I start using much greater ones. You want me to be a thing. Well, here’s your chance to help shape that, to stop me from acting like an idiot or a monster.”
Sylvia settled back in her chair, watching me carefully, as most in the room did. The resulting silence felt heavy and dense, speaking taking real effort.
“I also need to go to the Melbourne chapter of the Sisterhood. I need to find out what’s happened to my family. I’m hoping, Soraya, that you can take me there.”
“One doesn’t just turn up on the doorstep of a chapter,” a woman spluttered.
“Ah, we don’t stand on ceremony all that much in Oz,” Soraya replied. “I can do that. I, for one, want to say I support this. We’ve all been worried about this avatar, about the lack of input. Ashanti’s going to have to head things up.” This drew some grumbles. “She’s based here at Aragide, and she has the best relationship with Kira. It makes sense.” She turned back to me. “I can take you after the meeting if you want.”
“We will need a full sitting of the council to ratify this new proposal,” another woman said.
“But that’s merely a formality,” Sylvia said. “We will argue endlessly about the how and the when, but who will refuse help from the avatar? Who would refuse the opportunity to influence a potential goddess? If she makes it through the trials, she’ll change the world, and we can help her do that. I agree and feel confident my members will support your plan.”
She nodded decisively, then turned to the rest of the women. “Let us return to our chapters, have the necessary discussions, and then issue the invitation for a full council meeting. We’ll need to be careful about location. Having everyone in the same place does put a target on our backs. It would be quite the coup for the Rutherglen, to capture all of us in the same place.”
“Maybe you should hold it in Aragide?” I said. “It’s safe and can fit as many people as you want.”
She sniffed but smiled at that.
“Indeed, that would greatly improve attendance, being given the opportunity to enter its hallowed halls.”
“So all that support Sylvia’s proposal?” A sea of hands went up. “That appears to be carried. Ladies, lets…”
I watched Ashanti organise everything, but didn’t really hear it, the sound of my own heartbeat too loud. What had I done? I’d gone into this meeting so ready for a fight that the subsequent capitulation left me in a spin. What the fuck had I just proposed? What made me qualified to go and try and help people? Like most, I lived my nice, middle-class life, preoccupied by me and mine, and felt pangs of discomfort when I saw images of people in need on TV, but didn’t do a lot about it. My main experience was recent events, and look how well that turned out… Johnno’s hand seemed to sense this, squeezing tighter, another going to my shoulder. Marlow. I could feel him down the link, all that beautiful light. It felt like it trickled down his hand and into me.