“Yeah, he’s got a shop out on Long Island. Whatcha need?”
I looked at the photo of the crib against the wall and the blank space above it. “I want a custom name to hang on the wall.”
“He’s making bank on shit like that. I’ll shoot you his number.”
“Thanks.”
“Are you going to ask me what I caught recently?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Herpes?”
“Ass.”
“You always catch ass.”
“You’re a fucker,” he grumbled.
I chuckled at that. “Have fun fishing.”
“Say hi to James for me.”
“Will do.”
“Bunch of fucking pussy-whipped assholes,” he yelled.
“Yup, and we love it.”
“All right, I just caught the eye of a hottie across the restaurant.”
“Because your stupid ass was yelling. Have fun.”
“Always.” Right before he hung up, I heard his first line and shook my head.
A few minutes later my phone buzzed.
Jace: Here ya go, fucker 631-555-0187
Kent, Jace’s brother, was backed up with orders for a month. Jace was right, he was making bank, so I sweetened it, offering him ten times what he normally charged if he could deliver it tomorrow.
Money talks, and a rose gold script piece of wood was being specially made as the afternoon continued on.
At noon, my alarm went off as it always did, and I popped a pill. It wasn’t until I swallowed that I noticed something was off.
I stared down at the pill pack.
I’d just popped the last pill. The last sugar pill.
And no period.
Dread surged through me at the implication. I’d never gotten so far and not had my period rear its ugly head.
Was I pregnant?
Oh, no. Even thinking the word made every hair on my skin bristle.
There was only one way to find out, and since I’d already taken my lunch break, I was stuck waiting until four thirty. The mere idea that I could be pregnant stifled all concentration, leaving me unable to focus. Donte was waiting on my idea, but I sat there and stared at my computer, unable to come up with a single word.
I watched the cursor blink. Harder and harder. One harsh blink after the other, and nothing came to me, leaving my mind free to run wild with the possibility of being pregnant.
What would Thane think?
Everything inside me stopped as the answer was crystal clear—he would do what was right.
If I told him, he’d stay.
I suddenly felt trapped by an invisible force, cornered with no way out, and it had me clawing at the walls.
Could I even tell him? I wasn’t sure with how unsteady things were between us. All I knew was that he’d do the honorable thing and sacrifice himself to me because that was the kind of guy he was. Not because he wanted Kinsey or me, but because of a baby that was his. Just like he did with his ex.
That was the last thing I wanted. I needed him to be with me because he loved me. I refused to be an obligation, or a placeholder like I was with Pete—not worth the effort of a real relationship.
It was my fear and insecurity talking, but the more I thought about it, the more my chest tightened and my anxiety grew. Over and over the men in my life had left me, many times without a reason or knowing what I did wrong.
The last thing I wanted was a relationship with no real substance, held together by honorable intentions.
It clicked then—life had taught me that men left, and that I wasn’t good enough for anyone. I had to let him go before he woke up and left me. But first, I needed to find out if I was pregnant or if it was just stress.
It was the most agonizing four hours of my life. The pit in my stomach consumed me, and I didn’t pause when the time came. I just left.
My hands were shaking, and I couldn’t stop my leg from bouncing the entire half-hour train ride back to Lenox Hill. After picking Kinsey up, I rushed toward home, stopping at a drug store on the way. The clerk took one look at me, then Kinsey, then the package, and after my card went through, I glared at her as I ripped the bag out of her hand.
Judgmental bitch.
Kinsey was upset the whole walk home, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever related to one of her moods so much.
As soon as we were home, I put her on the floor and ran into the bathroom. She was still crying as she crawled down the hall toward me. I had to be quick.
I ripped open the package and when I set the completed test down on the counter, she was inside the bathroom. After cleaning up, I picked her up and wiped a tear that slid down my cheek.
I held her close and bounced her in an attempt to soothe us both. She rubbed her snotty face on my shirt, and I could hardly care.
After a few minutes had passed, I moved over to the counter and looked down.
I blew out a breath and nearly cried when only one pink line showed up. Relief flooded me, and I sat down on the edge of the tub, completely drained.
The whole scare highlighted one thing—I needed to let Thane go.
I stood and moved toward the kitchen, my eyes stinging, tears filling my vision.
He wasn’t meant for me, despite how much I loved him, and it would just hurt more when he woke up to that fact. The relief I felt at not being pregnant was quickly followed by the disturbing thought of him not being in my life. My chest clenched and I had trouble drawing in a deep breath at the thought of him with someone else.
How much worse would it be in a month? Six months? When he finally got tired of me and woke up, how much more in love with him would I be?
I would be a mess. I’d never in my life felt so deeply for any man, and the thought of that ending gutted me. The realization of what I needed to do hit me so hard that my knees went weak and I dropped down onto the couch.
In the background of my mind I could hear Kinsey, but aside from that was a reverberating emptiness that opened up inside me. It was an out-of-body like experience. I could feel nothing but the blackness of pain slowly creeping in.
There was no way to know how long I stayed in that paralyzed state when my phone notification going off brought me back.
Thane: What do you want for dinner, baby?
I stared at the screen, blinking before I processed the words.
Roe: I’ve got it covered.
What was I going to do? I knew what I needed to do, but could I actually break up with him?
Thane: You sure? I’ll get you whatever you want.
The truth was I didn’t want anything. I had no appetite.
Roe: Yup, I’ve got what I want. You should just get yourself something.
Thane: What is going on lately?
I bit down on my bottom lip as my fingers hovered over the screen. The emotions rolled inside me and I tried to get a handle on what I wanted to say, but one hand seemed to be fighting with the other.
Tears flowed freely from my eyes as I typed out the words that broke my heart. But he was never meant for me.
Roe: I don’t think we should see each other anymore.
I nearly rear-ended a car when her text came through my speakers.
What the fuck?
Somehow I managed to park at my building without further incident while my chest was fucking bleeding out. I didn’t bother going home. I just started walking to her apartment, because I refused to believe her message. There was no way we were over.
That text contained words nobody ever wanted to hear, especially not from someone that you loved with all your heart.