It felt like it took forever for Matthew to regain his phone privileges. Unfortunately, a few days after checking himself into this nightmare situation, Matthew had awoken from a dead and medicated sleep to perfect clarity. He had forgotten to remove that folder from his safe. If Kit left, and he didn’t doubt for a second Kit would leave, he would find that file. He had been a mess until he could finally call Lance.
Thankfully, Lance answered on the third ring, putting Matthew out of his misery.
“I need you to do one last job for me,” Matthew said without waiting for a greeting.
Lance didn’t hesitate. “Of course. Anything.”
“Go to my place and destroy the file on Kit.” Matthew didn’t know if Kit had checked the safe or if Kit was still at home waiting, but Matthew had to try one more time to reclaim his fake life. That wouldn’t happen if Kit learned the truth.
Lance cleared his throat. “Um, I can’t do that.”
Matthew wondered if he would break down again. “Why?”
Another uncomfortable-sounding throat-clearing came through the line. “Kit’s already been to see me. He’s already read the file.”
A wave of pain had Matthew squeezing his eyes closed. “How much does he know?”
“Everything.”
Matthew took a few breaths, trying to make his lungs work properly. “Damn. Is he okay?”
Lance blew out a breath that sounded loud in Matthew’s ear. “I don’t know. He’s kind of a tough cookie to get a read on, but he did ask me to tell you something if we spoke.”
Matthew squeezed the phone a little tighter. “And?”
“He said if you want a divorce, he understands.”
Matthew tugged at his hair. “I don’t want a divorce. Why in the fuck would I want that?”
Lance snorted. “Maybe it has a little to do with you running out on him. I mean, how did you expect him to take that?” Lance immediately backpedaled. “Ignore that. You’re working on yourself and that’s exactly what you should be doing. I don’t know why I said that.”
“Because it’s true,” Matthew said, hearing the defeat in his own voice. He pressed his forehead against the wall. “Did he look okay?”
“He looked a little pale, but when I mentioned it, he told me to go fuck myself.”
Matthew smiled. “He’s a bit explosive.”
Lance chuckled. “He is that. Just work on getting better, Matt. I slapped a GPS tracker on his SUV. He won’t get away again.”
A laugh caught in Matthew’s throat. “Thanks for that.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll bill you for it.”
He shook his head. Matthew didn’t doubt it. “He’s worth every penny. I need him to be safe.”
Lance made a sound of approval. “I’ve got my eye on him. Everything will hold until you get home.”
Matthew took a calming breath. It wasn’t like he had any other choice but to wait. If there was any chance at all that Kit didn’t hate him, Matthew had to come out of this whole. Kit deserved a steady man. If Kit hated him, then Kit deserved to know Matthew lived a long, healthy, and miserable life as punishment. That was the right thing to do.
Eight
Every day dragged into the next. Kit kept breathing. It wasn’t like him to sit still, so he didn’t. Kit took over teaching Matthew’s yoga classes so he would still have a job when he was ready. He knew Matthew didn’t need the money, but they needed the peace his classes brought. Lance had taken up coming to Kit’s classes and having coffee with Kit twice a week. He took on a few modeling gigs and did a bit role. Whatever it took to keep him getting out of bed, Kit did it. Lance said Matthew didn’t want a divorce. Kit clung hard to that knowledge. He would be damned if he let Thomas steal another damn thing from him from beyond the grave. If Kit lost Matthew, then Thomas had beaten them both.
Kit had even stopped trading in his books. Instead, he filled an empty room with shelves and kept each novel he read. Each time he added a book to one of the shelves, he felt like he put down another root. Kit refused to think of this place as the house where Thomas Ricci’s grandson lived. Instead, he decided to shape it into the home he shared with his husband. That was how it would stay until Matthew decided if he could handle loving Kit.
Despite his best efforts, Kit still didn’t like being alone. He spent more time by the pool reading than he did indoors. There were ghosts in Kit’s head.
A shadow fell over Kit’s book. Kit didn’t bother swallowing his irritation over the interruption. Their neighbors were the worst. “For fuck’s sake, Cindy. This is why nobody likes you.”
“Actually, nobody likes Cindy because she jumps on every sale from home scheme that comes along. She constantly posts all her stupid invitations on the community Facebook page alongside her constant admonishments for breaking HOA rules.”
Kit’s head shot up at the sound of Matthew’s voice. He couldn’t believe his eyes. “Hey.”
Matthew looked good. He looked beautiful, even while shifting from foot to foot. “Hey.”
Kit didn’t know how to act. There was nothing to say. He fought the urge to ask if he should leave. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home?”
Matthew looked uncomfortable as hell. “I wasn’t sure you would still be here.”
“Why?”
Matthew didn’t bother pretending. “Because of your chat with Lance.”
“Why does that matter?” Kit couldn’t stop. He needed answers and he didn’t know where to start.
“He said he told you everything.”
It was hard. There were so many paths Kit could choose, but really, he had already chosen the day he killed Thomas. He had picked survival. Kit had chosen to no longer be Thomas’ victim. He needed Matthew to pick that path too.
Kit moved his feet, making room for Matthew. “Sit.”
Matthew sat. His gaze never wavered from Kit.
Kit didn’t hold back. Staring at Matthew reaffirmed every decision Kit had made in the past four months. “Look, baby. When I moved to California, I made freedom into my whole personality. Maybe I didn’t want anyone touching me again, but that’s because I needed to heal. I’ll never be angry with you, if you need extra help to heal too.” Kit waved away part of his statement. “Unless you don’t tell me again. That was crappy, but I will never hold asking for help against you.”
Matthew didn’t look less uncomfortable. “I told so many lies. You deserved to know where I came from.”
The backs of Kit’s eyes stung at Matthew’s broken tone. Kit couldn’t let Matthew hurt. He refused to let Matthew think Kit could ever love him less. “We don’t get to pick our families.”
Matthew visibly swallowed. “Please don’t make excuses for me. I may be a mess, but I can take it. Tell me you hate me, and you hate that I carry his blood. Don’t pretend this is okay.”
Kit punched him in the arm. “Shut up, if you only plan to be stupid. I love you. You are the one for me. That hasn’t changed. If you can’t get onboard with that, you should have accepted my divorce offer months ago. You didn’t. So guess what? You’re fucking stuck with me. What do you plan to do about it?”