Matthew’s gorgeous smile was everything Kit hoped for. “I lost my shit a little over hurting you.”
Kit nodded. “Ya think?”
Matthew’s smile slipped away. “I can’t promise I won’t flip out again.”
While holding Matthew’s stare, Kit scooted closer. He took Matthew’s hand. Kit swore electricity shot up his arm at the contact. He had never craved anyone’s touch until Matthew. Now he couldn’t stop. “I love you.”
Matthew’s grip tightened on Kit’s hand. “I love you too.”
A lump rose in Kit’s throat. “Don’t leave again without an explanation. If you’re hurting, say it. If you need more help than I can give, I’ll drive you. I was so scared when I couldn’t find you.”
Matthew nodded. He shifted positions and crawled into the lounge chair next to Kit. Their lips brushed as Kit settled into Matthew’s arms. Kit fought the way his heart tried beating a little too fast.
Matthew, proving he was the perfect match for Kit, acted as if the past four months hadn’t happened. He picked up Kit’s book and held it in one hand while Kit kept his other arm occupied. “So you thought I was Cindy, huh? Has she been that bad?”
Kit stroked Matthew’s stomach. He hated confrontation more than almost anything. It always made him feel sick and took him back to the days of being Thomas’s toy. Kit needed the peace Matthew offered. “The worst. I think she has a crush on you and is totally convinced I buried your body in the basement.”
Matthew kissed Kit’s temple. “We don’t have a basement.”
“Yeah. That’s what I told her. She sent us a violation letter for the Pride flag. So I’ve been sunbathing in the nude. I know she’s spying, but the only way she can say anything about my lewd behavior is if she admits to it.”
“A standoff. I love it. Maybe we should move into a more accepting neighborhood, though? We have enough going on in our lives without fighting her.”
Kit gasped. “Hush your mouth. This is our newlywed home. I thrive on drama. Bring it, Cindy.”
Matthew fell silent and Kit panicked. He could feel Matthew turn brooding. He turned up the cheerfulness to counterbalance the moment. “You know what I should do? I should run for HOA president. Is that a thing? Running, I mean. I should do that.”
Matthew trailed his fingertips down Kit’s arm. “He never lived here.”
Kit’s throat swelled. He knew they couldn’t avoid this forever. “I don’t care.” Kit shrugged. “Maybe I should, but I don’t feel him here. You know I don’t like to be alone. I can’t sleep. That’s not true here. It’s home. I only feel us when I’m here. Nothing else matters. I know in my heart that if you found those letters before Thomas’ death, you would’ve saved me. You don’t have to think about that aspect of things again. I completely believe in you.”
Matthew’s hold tightened on Kit. “I don’t deserve you. I’m so sorry for everything.”
Kit rubbed Matthew’s stomach. “You’re home now. I don’t care about anything else. FYI, though. If you ever leave me again without telling me what’s up, we’re never having sex again. You know I can do it too. I went seven years without it, with no problem before you. I have no problem flying in the face of convention and keeping this booty to myself.”
Matthew set Kit’s book aside and linked fingers with Kit. “You’re my heart. I’d stay with you sex or no sex, but I can’t put myself through that again either. I just want to be whole for you.”
Kit snuggled as close as he could get. He had missed this more than words. Just holding Matthew meant more to Kit than anything. “I’m not worried. We’re pretty fucking spectacular together. I believe in us.”
“Damn. I really missed holding you.”
The emotion in Matthew’s voice had Kit holding him tighter. He didn’t doubt Matthew had expected to come home to a mess. Fortunately, Kit had plenty of time to think over the last four months. He had turned things over in his mind, looking at every possible angle. Everything always came down to the foundation. He loved Matthew, and Matthew was a good man. Matthew had treated Kit like a king since the day they met. Kit had watched Matthew be the opposite of everything his grandfather had been. Life had been very cruel to them, but Kit had to admit it had been much crueler to Matthew. Matthew didn’t deserve Kit’s hatred or fury. He didn’t deserve to be punished for the crimes committed against him. They were better than what had been done to them. Kit wanted to leave the past where it belonged.
Kit snuggled as close as he could get. He nuzzled Matthew’s chest and inhaled his scent. They could and would be happy. Kit was extremely good at forcing life to go his way. This would be no different. Matthew belonged to him. Kit would love him and keep him safe as long as they both lived, as he had vowed to do. There was nowhere he would rather be.
They didn’t move for hours. Matthew’s mind was quiet for the first time in a long time. He read Kit’s book aloud to him while they soaked up each other’s touch. Matthew didn’t get a lot of internal peace, but Kit always gave it to him. Lying to Kit had been undermining every bit of progress he had made over the years. That was over now. If Kit still loved him after learning the truth, Matthew could face anything. Right here, in his lounge chair by the pool, Matthew held the world. He was complete.
Unfortunately, he was still adjusting to the combo of anti-depressants and anxiety meds they had found worked the best for him. He still got tired faster than he liked. Matthew found it harder to focus on the words with each passing moment. His eyelids grew heavy.
Kit took the book from his hand. “Come on, sleepy baby. Let’s go take a shower and cuddle in bed. I’ll hold you while you sleep.”
A grateful smile tugged at Matthew’s lips. He never wanted to stop holding Kit. Inside their bathroom, Kit slowly undressed Matthew before stripping away his clothes. Matthew’s sleepy haze disappeared, and his body stirred as Kit’s beautiful nude form stole every ounce of his attention. He felt like the luckiest man on the planet. Matthew had come home expecting the worst. Instead, he had been greeted with perfect peace and flawless love. Kit definitely possessed a quiet grace he didn’t get enough credit for having. He could be so explosive that those moments were the ones that stood out in people’s minds when they pictured Kit. Matthew never took for granted this version of Kit. He stood steady and loyal with the people he loved. Matthew hadn’t truly believed he would fall in that category. He wouldn’t doubt Kit again.
Kit took his time, babying Matthew in the shower. He gently washed Matthew’s hair and stole kisses every few seconds. Matthew ate up every ounce of attention. When Kit kissed his cheek, Matthew stole his chance. He turned his head and claimed Kit’s mouth. Their tongues brushed. Matthew’s heart sighed. He was sickeningly in love with Kit. He dreamed about Kit all the time. There was no one else for him.
“I love you,” Matthew said against Kit’s lips as he killed the water in the shower. “I need to take you to bed.”
Matthew grabbed a thick towel and dried Kit’s body. He took his time, ensuring Kit was every bit as aroused as him before carrying him to bed. They kissed and touched for what felt like hours. Matthew found himself linking his fingers through Kit’s and holding tight as his body moved against Kit’s. Kit’s kiss turned hotter by the second. A moan vibrated around their tongues. Matthew worked to pull another from Kit. Kit tore his mouth away, gasping and straining. The sight punched Matthew in the gut. He couldn’t look away. Kit was always beyond beautiful. On the edge of orgasm, he was the definition of perfection. He couldn’t believe Kit stayed. Matthew was more than moved. He was blown away. Matthew knew he didn’t deserve Kit, but Kit made him believe that he could.