After she leaves, the tension in the air doesn’t seem to dissipate. If anything, it coils tighter as I anticipate the welcome I’ll receive when I arrive at Maris’s later this evening prepared to make my case. Wickedly, I debate whether or not I should use the spare key the Smiths have kept hidden in the same spot forever and cook her dinner on the grill—really bring back her memories to the original scene of the crime as it were.
Whistling, I pad back out to where Reece and Oliver are waiting. Talking softly to each other, they’re eyeballing Maris as she climbs into her SUV. For long moments, as neither of them notices I’m directly behind them, I debate how best to punish them. Extra workout? Sparring? I know Oliver—he wouldn’t give a shit if a woman as classy and sensuous as Maris gave him the time of day. After all, I was once their age and felt the same way about the same woman. I was just too damn stupid to do something about it—then.
Leaning in between their bent heads, I whisper, “Look all you want, but if either of you try to touch, I’ll make sure a body part you both cherish doesn’t work properly ever again.”
They both jump back as if I’ve struck them with a cattle prod. “Christ, Nick, way to give us a heart attack.” Oliver clasps his chest. “Is she yours?”
“Let’s just say I’m working it out,” I say.
Oliver bellows with laughter. “You? You’re working out something with a potential lady friend? Did she turn you down flat? Damn, makes me appreciate the whole package now more than ever.” Oliver casts an admiring glance back at the now empty glass doors.
I clap a hand on Oliver’s shoulder. “Ollie, Ollie, Ollie. That’s a woman who will kick your ass harder than I ever could without ever laying a finger on you.”
“In other words, she hates your ever-loving guts.”
“No.” There are days when it’s the exact opposite. Love and hate, best friends, I think cheerfully.
“And you’re in love with her,” Oliver surmises.
Since the bastard knows me too well for my piece of mind, I merely squeeze his shoulder. Hard. “Be respectful or I might have to rip out your tongue. Understood?”
“You got it, boss.” I let up on his shoulder, and Oliver immediately begins rotating it.
When I glance at Reece to see if there’s anything he wants to contribute, he doesn’t say anything—smart man. He merely accepts his warning and continues the warm-up we began before sunshine blew into our corner of Juneau when all we expected was drizzling rain.
I stop by the local gourmet grocery store Jennings gave me the heads-up on before pulling into the Smiths’ driveway. Loaded up on gourmet cheese, steaks, and salad fixings, I find the spare key and disable the alarm code which Jennings gave me after I told him my plans. After popping all of that into the refrigerator, I head outside to fire up the grill. I set the steaks to marinate and pop those in the fridge before I get the cheese arranged for her to munch on. When I called Jennings to tell him my plan, his first reaction was shock before he immediately said, “Feed her. God, if you never listen to me about anything else, make sure that woman is fed before she begins to attack you. I learned that when Kara and I started out.”
Considering how well that ended up, I thanked him and immediately went grocery shopping.
I’m frowning as I arrange crackers around the plate. Tonight, Maris and I are going to have it out about the past—my past—and why I never believed I was good enough for her. Then again, I think as I uncork the wine to let it breathe, she likely knows this since Jed wrote most of it down. I pause.
And only one thing bothers her still. That she’d be disposable.
“Well, hell. I’m a stupid ass.”
“You’re also breaking and entering. I really don’t think that would look too good in the media.” Maris’s voice washes over me.
My head snaps over to where she’s standing holding a bottle of the same wine I’m carrying. “Hi.”
“What are you doing here, Nick?” Her voice is weary but not surprised.
I’m not a stupid man. “Let me guess, Kara called you?”
“Of course she did. Right after she berated her husband for giving you the alarm code to my home.” Maris plunks her bottle right next to mine. “At least you had the good sense to listen to him about food. I’m starving.”
“You didn’t eat?” I frown when she shakes her head. “Why not?”
“I spent the afternoon at Eagle Beach.” She pops a cracker laden with cheese in her mouth and lets out a small moan. “Good bribe so I don’t kill you. Really good.”
I rest my elbows on the counter until our eyes are on the same level. “Thanks. What did you do at the beach?”
“Sunbathed nude?” comes her smart-ass remark.
“Considering the high today was sixty-eight, you’d have frozen that sweet body. Try again.”
Her lips twitch. “I just wanted to think. And that’s always been my place to do that. It was my place to go with my family. We’d take a picnic there and look for whales, sea lions, and seals.”
“And you wanted to be close to them.” I reach over the counter and take her hand.
Maris allows the touch for just a moment before jerking away, her frustration palpable. “Why does it have to be you who understands me?”
“Why did it have to be you who understood me all those years ago? Did you think I wanted to feel what I did for my best friend’s little sister?” I counter.
That jerks her up short. “Boy, did you have a funny way of showing it. Forget the fact I never heard from you, when I did the humiliation I experienced was beyond anything, Nick.” The edge to her voice is so deadly, I’m surprised I’m not bleeding out on the floor.
I bow my head, but I swear I will do whatever it takes to make her understand. I’ve conquered my past. It may be too late, but she needs to know. “I was disgraced by my past, Maris. If we couldn’t afford it, I stole food to survive. I slept in that ratty-ass station wagon most nights. And if it weren’t for the showers they have at laundromats, I’m not entirely certain I would have bathed. I was supposedly homeschooled, but…” I turn away, finally ashamed.
“But what?” There’s no censure in her voice, not even encouragement to go on. But something in me breaks. I need her to understand.
“But I fell through the cracks. The system isn’t perfect. Somehow between what my birth mother knew and I gleaned, I could get by. They kept passing me though I barely knew shit. What I knew was how to avoid being hit when my father came home, and that was by not being there.” I glance over my shoulder and find Maris’s fists are clenched.
In fury but not at me. For me.
She looks like a warrior goddess, an ancient who’d fight for the life of her young. “You’re going to make an incredible mother. Don’t let anyone ever tell you any different.” The words slip out, but when they do, they transform her face like the wash of the ocean crashing on the shore. Gone is the fire and anger. In its place is a softness and pleasure.
She takes a step closer. “Tell me the rest, Nick. Tell me all of it.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “The foster homes were better than what I had before, but it wasn’t until I met Jed the second time around that I began to see there was…more…to a family. And I betrayed that.”