“Love, hate, it didn’t matter what you felt for me as long as you kept feeling. Then, I almost felt like you cut my heart out when I realized you weren’t talking to me anymore.” His head bows before it snaps up. “Until I realized it was the other way around. I’m so sorry, my love, for almost giving up on us. I’m a fighter, but you make me weak.”
“Say it, damn you.” I rake my nails up his back into his hair and press his head until his lips are touching mine
“Didn’t I?” His lips curve against mine. The sensation makes my nipples harden like stones against his chest.
“Nick…”
“I love you, Maris. I have from the time I was a terrified boy, and I will until the day they lay me in the ground. There’s never been another I’ve said those words to. There never will be.”
And there it is. We might not be able to go back in time and redo our pasts, but the future is ours alone. And no one can take that away from us.
My lips curve beneath his. “I love you, Nick. I—”
I don’t get a chance to finish because Nick’s done talking. As he captures my mouth with his, and his hand roams freely over my body, I have to agree.
We’ll talk more later.
Nicholas
“I always said nothing good happened here.” After a long doze, I roll to my side and prop my head on my hand to gaze down at Maris. “I lied.”
She tsks me. “I’m shocked, I tell you.”
“That includes the way I’ve always admired the way you call me on my shit.”
Maris grins up at the sky. “All part of the hospitality here at Smith’s B&B. Kill your guests off from breakfast or words—their choice.”
Our laughter mingles together sending sparks out like fireflies. “I didn’t realize how much I missed being with you on the most basic of levels,” I admit.
Maris rolls to face me. Her brows form a V. “What do you mean?”
I reach out and rub it away casually as if I’ve performed the gesture a million times, not just in my mind. I’m not so lost in my thoughts I miss the way her breath hitches.
My lips curve. “So, now that we’re no longer friends, when can I move my shit in?”
She swats at me. “Arrogant ass.”
I capture her hand and lift it to my lips. Her irritation flees, and in its place is a look so soft I want to capture it for those times I have to travel and she can’t be with me. Instead of reaching for my phone, I roll onto my back and try to put my thoughts into words. “I can’t remember the last time I came home from work and just talked about my day, Sunshine. Honest to God, I think the last time might have been with you. Sometimes things happen that are just so overwhelming.”
Maris reaches over and rubs her hand up and down my arm. “Why didn’t you call any of the guys?”
I can’t stop the year’s worth of pain from seeping into my voice. “I used to. The problem is he died leaving a gaping hole in the world. I didn’t know who to reach out to after. Jed seemed to be the only one who got me.” I turn my head just in time to catch her reaction.
Her face pales to match the color of her ivory shirt. “I don’t know what to say.”
I roll my head back so our heads are touching one another as we peer up at the sky. “I never thought I would be the kind of person worthy of maintaining the friendships we established that summer. I felt I needed to prove I was better than how I grew up. Better than…”
“Than the rags made you out to be?” Maris concludes softly.
I nod, brushing our heads against each other. “Don’t get me wrong; I lived up to my rep the first few years.”
“Of that, I have little doubt.” Her dry response has me roaring.
“Minx,” I accuse fondly.
She shrugs. “Takes one to know one. I’m not going to be nominated for sainthood myself, Nick.”
Her words shouldn’t cause a fire to erupt inside my gut, but I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit the truth. “I kind of hate any man who’s ever touched you.”
One heartbeat. Two. Then Maris is laughing so hard her knees curl into her chest and she’s rolling onto her side.
“It wasn’t that funny,” I grumble.
“Oh, yes. It really is,” she manages to get out. “Nick, you’re a damn man whore.”
“Was,” I correct her.
I’m not sure if I should be offended or amused at the piglike sounds that escape from her lips. “Not kidding, Sunshine. Completely reformed.”
“Let’s see if our definitions line up. Excluding kissing, because I feel that’s a respectful thing to do at the end of a date, when was the last time you were intimate with a woman?” she challenges me.
I roll over and pin her to the grass. I need to see her face when I give her the answer. “The night before I found out Jed died.”
Maris opens her mouth to refute the statement, but I hold her gaze steadily. Her body goes limp beneath mine. “Nick?” She swallows convulsively. “Why?”
“Because I came back and was given something much more precious than a gold cross.” I let go of one of her hands and caress the side of her face. “You were still free. And as much as you told me to get the hell away from you when I came after you, it was a sign. Maybe if there was something called faith in this world, I could make the past up to you.”
“All you needed to do was tell me the truth. You know, talk to me.”
“It took me three years and being forced to come to Juneau to work up the courage. Don’t you think I wanted to that weekend?” I brush the wetness away from Maris’s cheeks. “The story of David and Goliath is true for a reason, Sunshine. Those of us with strength can be felled with the smallest of stones, particularly if those stones are words.”
Maris tugs me down until I wrap her in my arms. Not wanting to give her my full weight and hurt her, I shift to the side, and we lie silently for a while content to just be in each other’s arms. An eagle flies overhead, regal and all-knowing. I remember spitting out my beer the first time I saw one swoop past in the Smiths’ backyard. Jed cackled until he cried. It’s like he’s giving us his blessing or some shit, bringing us full circle. Thanks, you crazy bastard. I begin to shake with suppressed laughter.
Maris, who had been drifting off, murmurs, “What is it?”
“Nothing. No, wait. Now’s the time for the truth. All these years, was half your antagonism due to the fact you thought I was fucking around with half of the women I was photographed with?”
“You’re such an ass,” Maris pronounces.
“Yeah, but I’m your ass,” I announce proudly.
“Yes. You are.” Reaching over, Maris pulls down my head and kisses me softly right before she jams her fist into my solar plexus.
I groan as the eagle takes another circle overhead. Got it, buddy. On the not-to-be-mentioned list. I’m grinning when I tuck Maris next to me.
Maris is aflutter as Mrs. Gustofson squeezes behind the beast and checks the outlet. “Again, I’m sorry I had to put you through such an inconvenience, Maris.”