“Who I’ve always needed in my life is you. And no one has ever come close to filling the gap in my heart not having you in my life left. Not any woman, not the guys, not your brother. There’s only one you, Maris. No one else can invoke these feelings in me.”
I cup the ball of his shoulder and drag my fingers down his arm. “Annoyance?”
“Aggravation,” he counters before plucking a kiss from my lips.
“Brashness.” I push him.
“Bossiness.” Nick rolls to his back so I’m sitting astride him.
I smirk. “Confidence.”
He thinks for a moment. “Consideration.” I bend down and kiss him.
“Devastation?” I lean over and kiss the inside of his elbow.
“Desperation.” He leans up and kisses the underside of my jaw.
“Emotional.” I’m loving this word game we’re playing, but Nick shakes his head, causing me to frown. He sits up and cups my face.
“Everything. You’re simply everything.” His eyes bore into mine before he leans forward and brushes his lips against mine. “It wouldn’t have mattered if it was twenty years ago or twenty minutes ago, I need you to understand that.”
I wrap my arms around his shoulders and press against him. I bury my head against his neck, and a harsh sob is pulled from me.
Nick doesn’t say anything, just holds on until the storm has passed. After it does, he whispers, “Better?”
“Yes. No.”
He laughs before tipping up my chin. “That clears up a lot.”
I grin. “Blame hormones. I should have them checked. It’s been a while.”
Nick’s face gets serious quickly. “There’s a number of competition-level women athletes at the gym. We get them checked for a number of issues—hormones, among other blood imbalances. Is this something we need to have you checked for regularly. How often should you be checked?”
If I hadn’t been on the edge of falling for Nick Cain for most of my life, the immediate concern about my medical welfare—not about the fact I can’t have any children—would have brought me to the edge. Instead, it nudges me clean over. I brush my lips against his before whispering, “It was a joke.”
With his lips still against mine, he mutters, “Nothing about keeping you safe in my arms is a joke.”
I tip my head so far back, I can feel the ends of my hair brush against the top of my ass. My eyes drift shut before I silently think, I think he’s got it from here, big brother. Love you.
“Maris?” Nick hesitantly asks.
“I was just thanking Jed,” I tell him honestly.
“For what?”
I smile secretively. Instead of telling Nick I push him back on the bed and kiss him.
It’s a long while before either of us think about Jed again.
“Do you think he’d approve?” Nick asks me hours later.
I’m snuggled up against his chest still damp from our latest lovemaking. “Jed?” I ask instinctively.
“Yeah.” He tries to sound cavalier, but I can hear the anxiety behind it.
“You read what he wrote.” I shrug the whole thing off because now I know what Jed truly meant. Despite his worries over the years, he wanted this.
“And I know everything he said to me. It was almost a perpetual stay-away warning.” Despite the joking note in his voice, there’s a lingering hurt that has fed into Nick’s image of himself over the years. Something I unknowingly haven’t improved with the callous words between us.
I prop my elbow on his chest and contemplate how to tackle this topic. As I do, he reaches beneath my armpits and hauls me on top of him. I let out an involuntary screech. “Nick!”
“I want you as close as I can possibly have you.”
“For as long as you can?” I say softly.
“For as long as you’ll let me,” he corrects.
“Then that will be an awfully long time.” A breathtaking smile breaks out across his face. Holding my hair back, I lean down and press my lips against his. “Now, despite the hours we’ve wasted talking, there’s something we need to do.”
“What’s that?”
“Talk about Jed so he doesn’t get in the way.” At his nod, I continue. “He told me that Mom and Dad used to wonder if he was going to murder me in my sleep because he would just watch me when I slept.”
“Was that his intent?” Nick’s amusement shines through.
“No. It was like he was born a guardian angel.” Thoughtfully, I draw my finger through the sprinkling of hair on Nick’s chest. “All my friends used to complain about their siblings. Constantly.”
“Were they more in line with the Spawns of Brad?”
“Pretty much. But I had Jed. So, when I fell for one of his friends, I’m not surprised he went crazy.”
“Maris, I hate to speak ill of Jed, but he was crazy long before any feelings developed between us.” Nick murmurs into the top of my hair before he presses a kiss into the crown.
The madness of the world stops suddenly, or maybe that’s simply the beat of my heart. “Would you mind repeating that?”
“What? That your brother was a crazy bastard?” Nick’s body is shaking with laughter beneath mine.
“Nick.”
“Oh, you meant the ‘us’ part.”
“Yeah.” My head lifts slowly until our eyes are on the same level. “That part.”
“You don’t think we’ll cause natural disasters if we say it so soon?” Nick’s voice is calm, but the thundering of his heart is anything but.
“Frankly, I don’t care. The time between when I first started feeling these emotions for you and now has been filled with so much loneliness and despair. Erase it, Nick. Tell me,” I plead.
He rolls me to my back and cups my face. “It started with your smile. I never had a smile like yours aimed in my direction. I was blinded by the glorious light of it. I understood why they named Jed’s sister Sunshine, even though I still thought that was the most fucked-up name in history.”
I bite my lip even as a laugh bubbles up. “He never told me that.”
“Swear to God, he constantly called you that. It wasn’t until you introduced yourself as Maris I realized your parents weren’t insane.” He pauses. “Just Jed.”
The laugh bursts out. “Just Jed,” I agree. My arms loop around his neck. “Did you feel it when we shook hands the first time?”
His eyes narrow on mine, filled with heat. “Yes, I felt it. Why do you think I pulled my hand back so fast after? You were barely eighteen. I was twenty. And Jed was ready to kill me dead. I feel it every time we touch, every time we speak, every time I see you.”
“Nick…” I begin, but he lays a finger over my mouth. And there it is.
That zing between us. That something that’s been lying dormant for over twenty years because it needed to be protected from his pain, my pain. And then from our shared pain over losing Jed.
Now, now it’s time to set it—us—free.
“Tell me.” I’m practically begging as I kick my legs free from the covers and wrap my legs around his hips.