‘I want to make sure we get you back in time for lessons,’ she says.
I nod. But, right now, I don’t care about that. All I care about is Akash.
As Fi drives, she fills me in on some basic details. Akash’s friend’s name is Jay. He’s twenty. He’s known Akash for five years, although she’s not sure how they met. At first, Jay said he didn’t see Akash the night he disappeared. But Fi kept hearing rumours that Akash was at his house that night. Finally, last week, when Jay was really drunk, he admitted Akash had been there – but he wouldn’t give Fi any details like what time or for how long …
I do my deep breathing as Fi talks. Try to take it all in.
And then we’re parking outside a grey-blue house with a faded yellow door. Overgrown bushes spill out on to the pavement. The rusty gate whines as we open it. Cracked tiles line the path to the front door. Fi rings the doorbell and it plays a happy tune. We look at each other and Fi rolls her eyes. I relax a bit, but my head is spinning. Although Fi and I have been trying to uncover clues for months, this is the first time we have something solid. A real person, who Fi has spoken to, and who I am going to talk to as well.
A guy opens the door. He’s pale with round glasses and long, straight brown hair tied back in a ponytail. My skin twitches all over. Is this Jay?
‘All right, Fi?’ he says. He lifts a chin towards Fi as she steps into the hallway; she nudges her chin back at him. I follow her in and he shuts the door. My stomach is tight.
‘Who’s your friend?’ he asks, as we stand in the dark hallway.
‘Oh, she’s cool. Neens, this is Gareth. Gareth, Neens. She’s a friend of Jay’s,’ she says. I give a small nervous laugh.
‘Cool,’ he says. ‘Come on in then. I’ll get some drinks.’ He turns towards the staircase. ‘Jay!’ he shouts up the stairs.
‘What?’ a gruff voice bellows back.
‘Someone to see you.’
There’s no answer; Gareth shrugs. ‘I’m sure he’ll be down soon,’ he says. ‘You know what he’s like. Doesn’t like to be rushed!’
I glance at Fi. ‘Give him a minute,’ she says.
I hesitantly follow Fi into the living room. There are plants everywhere and branches from a massive one brush my face as we go into a room with peeling wallpaper and rough, worn carpet. The curtains are drawn, and a round lamp in the corner is giving off a dull bluish light. Three guys are lounging on faded brown sofas, two playing a video game and the other one rolling something between his fingers. Looks like a spliff. Yes. I recognize the smell from Fi’s parties.
‘All right?’ one of the guys says.
‘Yeah, we’re cool,’ replies Fi.
My mouth is so dry, I don’t even attempt to answer. I try to smile but I’m suddenly feeling awkward in my school uniform; we must look really young. Although Fi somehow manages to look cool in hers, the sleeves of her sweatshirt rolled back and her short skirt showing off her tanned legs. We sit down and the guys all carry on with what they’re doing. I glance at Fi, hoping for a clue as to what’s going on, but she’s peering at the TV. I lick my lips to get rid of the dryness as I look around.
There are some weird-looking contraptions on the coffee table. But, even though they’re unfamiliar, I’m pretty sure they’re something to do with drugs. And there are also small, see-through packets of little white tablets. From here, they look like they could be painkillers. But of course I know they’re not.
My throat and chest are getting tight. What exactly did Akash do here? Should we even be here? And where’s Jay? I look at Fi again, suddenly scared. I desperately want to be with Josh, in the sun, under the willow tree. Fi doesn’t see that I’m scared. She just smiles.
I concentrate on breathing. We’re here to find out about Akash, I remind myself.
Gareth returns with pint glasses of blackcurrant squash. He hands one to Fi, one to me and keeps one himself. As he squeezes on to the sofa next to me, I get a waft of greasy hair and stale cigarette smoke.
‘Will he be long?’ Fi asks. ‘We’re in a bit of a rush.’
‘I’ll call him again,’ says Gareth, downing some of his drink and bouncing up.
My stomach is flipping over with nerves. I want to know everything. But I’m also scared. Scared Jay won’t know anything and scared that he will – that I’ll find out the reason Akash disappeared. Find out that it really is my fault. That I could’ve stopped him if I’d gone to the party with him.
‘All right, all right, I’m coming,’ a voice calls.
Then a set of footsteps comes tumbling down the stairs. A six-foot guy with black hair and shiny, tanned skin comes into the room. He’s gorgeous, his face almost pretty, he’s that cute. He has high cheekbones, big brown eyes and long lashes, and a squishy nose like a baby’s. He’s wearing black joggers and a white vest that shows off his toned arms. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this. He grins when he sees Fi, and his teeth are so white and straight, his smile wide and reassuring.
Fi gets up and hugs him. He picks her up, swings her round. They laugh. Then he puts her down and looks at me. ‘And this must be Akash’s little sis.’
I nod, suddenly feeling more shy than nervous. Butterflies burst in my stomach.
‘You look like him,’ he says, and my throat tightens. ‘It’s your eyes.’ He smiles. ‘Come on. We’ll chat upstairs.’
I look at Fi. ‘It’s cool,’ she says. ‘I’ll wait here.’
‘Cool,’ I hear myself echoing back. And I follow Jay upstairs, like it’s no big deal. Me and this total stranger. Perfectly normal. What does he know that he doesn’t want to tell me in front of everyone?
We step into his bedroom. My heart pounds hard against my chest.
Jay’s bedroom has hardly anything in it. There’s a thin white wardrobe and a matching bedside table next to a single mattress on the floor that’s pushed up against the wall. Like downstairs, the curtains are drawn, but up here the main light is on and it’s all weirdly yellow. He seems even better-looking against the grimness of the room.
‘Sorry about the smell,’ Jay says, pointing to patches of damp on the cream-coloured walls. ‘Landlord refuses to do anything about it. Dick.’
I nod. ‘Dick,’ I say too, because I don’t know what else to say.
Jay makes himself comfortable on the mattress on the floor and pats the patch next to him. There are no other seats in the room so either I stay standing or I sit on the mattress. I don’t want to seem rude so I give him what I hope is not an awkward smile and sit down. I almost spill my blackcurrant drink as I sink into the mattress.
‘Steady there,’ Jay says, and I do the hopefully-not-awkward smile again. I add a laugh for good measure. Why the hell am I laughing? There is absolutely nothing to laugh about.
And then there’s this long silence. We’re two strangers sitting on a mattress on the floor in a damp room in a house where I reckon the curtains are closed throughout and every room smells of either weed or damp. Jay’s looking at me like he’s waiting for me to say something. Which I probably should. I just don’t know where to start, now that I’m actually here.