"What do I do?" I whisper to those below me, to those above me, and to myself. Do I risk a life-long friendship or risk losing a potential life-long relationship? What if it doesn't work out? It would be awkward, and things will never be the same. I could lose a family that is more of a family to me than my own. There's so much at risk here. I don't know what to do.
Playing hooky yesterday only set me behind at work. I’m slightly frustrated with myself, but after disappearing from everyone and everything, I went home to work out. I pushed myself to my limits again, which resulted in another early night. I awoke with a sense of clarity. There was no way around the lecture I just received from my father; I listened as he called what I did ‘childish and irresponsible’. I could only apologize with promises of making it up to the clients and headed into the office early to get a jump start on the day--which was filled. The packed schedule allowed me to immerse myself into my job and forget about the issues of yesterday.
It’s close to six o'clock when I leave the office and I’m scrolling through my messages from Vance-- he’s inviting me to come to hang out at the house. I decline and give him the excuse that I’m working late. The phone lights up in my hand with an incoming call from a number I don’t recognize. The area code tells me it’s a local number, so I answer it--not without some reluctance.
"Hello?"
"I'm going to kick your ass!" a female voice shouts through the line.
"What? Who is this?"
"I cannot believe you pulled this stunt after I warned you that I'd break your face."
"Taylor, how did you get my number?" I ask even though I'm sure it wasn't hard for her to get.
"Where are you?" she asks, dodging my question.
"Why, so you can break my face?" I ask jokingly.
"Yes."
I laugh at her.
"Don't you dare. I'm serious."
"I'm not going to tell you where I am. I happen to like my face. I don't think you have that kind of force, anyway."
"Tell me where you are so we can test your theory."
"What do you want, Taylor?" I question, despite already knowing why she's calling.
She huffs, clearly annoyed, "What happened? You hurt her when you said you wouldn't. Why?"
"It's complicated."
"Don't give me that weak bullshit. You are turning out to be like just another asshole, just like the guys her brothers try to protect her from."
"And that's why it can't happen," I say simply.
"Keep telling yourself that. Just so you know, she won't be single forever."
A second later the line clicks; then silence. Removing the phone from my ear, I look at the screen to confirm that she did, indeed, just hang up on me. I exhale and glance around the lot. Fuck. This is messing with my head again. Taylor called me out on my decision in doing what I think is best for us, and everyone else--my resolve is starting to crack. The fucking thought of Veronica being out with someone other than me is causing intense jealousy. I have no right. I tried doing what was right. I stopped anything that could have been before it even began. I run my hands across my head, gripping my hair out of frustration.
"I need a damn drink."
Fifteen minutes later, I'm sitting at the bar waiting to be served. Jade, hot bartender from last weekend, is working and currently strutting my way.
She leans on the bar top across from me, sporting a welcoming smile. Her top is cut low, exposing her cleavage in another neon-colored bra. "Hey there," she says cheerfully.
"Hey," I say weakly, simultaneously noticing how her dark hair is pulled back like V's was the other morning.
"You’re Vin's friend right?" she asks.
"Yeah."
"I thought so. Miller?"
I nod. She gets a glass from under the bar and pulls a beer from the tap. "A man of few words," she says playfully, grabs a napkin, and places the beer on top. "I don't recall you being so dejected the last time I saw you," she says, her arms stretched out on either side of her with her palms on the bar.
"Yeah, I guess things seemed a bit...better then."
"What's got you so down?" she implores, "I'm a great listener."
"I'm sure you always come to work wanting to listen to everyone's problems," I joke.
"You'd be surprised. I'm the bar’s shrink,” she laughs, "Lady problems?" she continues prodding.
I snicker. "Is it that obvious?"
"It's usually always lady problems"—she smiles and leans back—"and you're in luck. I'm a lady. What better person to talk to?"
"Eh...I don't know."
She holds up her finger, "Hold on," she walks away and disappears into, what I assume is, the kitchen. I shrug and take a sip of my beer. Jade reappears a minute later to my right. "Told them I'm taking my twenty...or thirty," she says with a smile, and places a glass of dark liquid on the bar. She hops up on the stool next to me.
"You don't have to waste your break on me," I tell her.
She waves her hand at me, "I won't lie--I like the drama when it comes to other people. Kinda takes me away from my own. Makes me feel like I'm not alone. I know we all have problems, but sometimes you get so immersed in your own, hearing other people’s issues can make you feel like yours aren't so bad...or it could be the other way around." She ponders that for a second. "But if you're having women problems, this should be good. Lay it on me. "
I cringe. "I can't."
"And why not?"
"It involves people you know."
"Well I know a lot of people, so that's not surprising. But I promise to not repeat anything you say. I'm a vault of secrets. You'd be surprised what some people confide in me."
"Like what?"
She waves her finger at me, "Nuh huh," then points at herself, "vault of secrets."
I mull it over. I could use an opinion. What would it hurt to talk it out with someone, especially someone from outside? "Okay," I relent and she beams triumphantly, like she won a prize. "This stays between you and me," I point at her; completely serious.
The smile quickly disappears and she puts her pointer, middle, and ring fingers up in front of her. "Scout’s Honor," she says seriously.
I arch a brow. "Were you a scout?"
She feigns shock. "Of course! You don't throw out the Scout's Honor in mockery." She smiles then leans in to whisper, "Troop thirty-four."
It makes me laugh, and I realize I genuinely enjoy talking with Jade. There’s a fleeting thought of how different it would be if my feelings for Veronica didn't run so deep. Explaining the whole situation to Jade doesn’t seem as complicated as I remember, until the memory of how protective her brothers are comes into play. She doesn’t interrupt me once and lets me explain it all until I feel like I have it all out there.
"Ehhh," She makes a face, "I don't wish to be you."
"Thanks."
She chuckles, "Okay, in all seriousness...why now? You've known her for, almost, her whole life. You come back from the military and--what?"